my boys

kort historie om en kidnappers tanker.

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1. My boys

 

The playground is dark, the sky above it is coloured with the last sting of the rose red sunset. Simon is laughing. He doesn’t seem to be bothered about anything this evening. Toby is chasing him around with a stick. They are so engaged in their game that they seem to have forgotten all about me.

I sit there and watch them play for a while. I never played on playgrounds when I was a kid. My mom wouldn’t let me, she feared that the other kids would laugh at me. They did, but not for the reasons she thought. Instead of playing with the other kids, I sat at home behind the closed curtains, and watched the kids play. Oh how I wanted to be part of their game.

A sound nearby makes me lose focus on my boys. I turn around searching for the disturbance. The only thing I see is an old warning post howling around in the wind.

Toby laughs and lets out a cry as he jumps off the swing in mid-air; in that moment he looks younger than he is. I have never been certain about his age, but he must be about 7 years old with his sand coloured hair and intelligent green eyes. He keeps asking me the same question: “When can I go home?” I keep telling him the same: That he can go home when I no longer can find any use for him. Oddly enough that answer never seems to comfort him.

Simon laughs silently from his cover behind the playhouse, as he watches Toby’s unsuccessful attempts on finding him. Simon looks like a ten year old, but something in his walk and steel grey look tells me that he must be eleven. Simon isn’t the first one I have saved, but he is the only one who has stayed with me for this long. He doesn’t say much, he never has, maybe there is something wrong with the food I make for him.

The street lamp comes slowly and almost with a sigh to life. With its yellowy glow, it lights up the playground. The light is too far away to reach the playing boys, leaves them wrapped into the pitch black dark. I don’t want to disturb them but, if we stay much longer the police will be on patrol.

“Come on boys, it’s time to go home.” They both look up, as if they forgot I even existed, and then slowly the look of surprise gets replaced by the heart breaking look of defeat.

I am no monster. I am sheer mercy in form of a guardian angel. I saved these boys and they love me, even if they don’t always show it.

Toby is the first to break the breath taking silence. His little hand reaches mine and without looking, grabs it tight. “Where are we going?.. Mom” Simon doesn’t say a thing, he looks sad and I can’t figure out why, it makes me anxious not knowing. “We are on our way home honey”

We leave the park just as the policemen enter it, they lower their heads as to whisper secretly to each other. The street lights follow us, and make our shadows long and grotesque; they look almost demonic. There was a time when I used to play with my own shadow. A time long ago when I didn’t have any friends on my own to play with, luckily I have my boys now.

If God had a plan, this would be it. God gave me the task to save as many boys as I can. Give them a safe home. Only God knows how well I am doing, I can feel that he is pleased with me. Their mothers search for them, of course they do, but they don’t understand what it is I have done for them. I take their burden on me and save them the hassle of ruining their sons lives.  

The light outside the front door is on. Toby stops, then Simon. It is only me who dares to walk up to the door, it’s unlocked and we left it locked.

I know that the inevitable is about to happened, it was always just a matter of time before someone would ‘put two and two together’. The door goes up with a sad sound. The house is as empty as my heart. I stare into my dark and cold future. I can feel my boy’s eyes following my every move.

I can hear Toby’s voice, it sounds like he is miles away. “Don’t” yells Simon, that is the first time in months I have heard him speak. My mouth curls, and with a smile of happiness, I turn on the light.

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