Ru knew the world was cruel; she learned that the hard way. She thought that she was the only one, but when she met Luke Hemmings and then Calum Hood, everything changed.


10. 9.

Chapter 9


Month 15. Day 20. Continued again.


“Ru!” I can hear Luke calling my name as I make my way through the parking lot. I’m feeling so many emotions right now I can barely think: I’m mad, upset, confused. I want to scream and pull at my hair. I want to go back in there and slap that asshole in the face.


How can you ask someone that? How can you straight up ask someone why they aren’t dead? If my mother hadn’t found me trying to commit every single time, I would be dead right now. But I couldn’t explain that to anyone; I couldn’t look someone in the eye and tell them how much I wish I was dead right now. Mostly because I don’t talk to anyone, but I don’t think I could write it down and watch someone read what I feel, either. It wouldn’t be fair to drag anyone into the depths of my mind to see the horrors that rest in there.


“Ru!” Luke yells again, this time, grabbing my arm.


“What?!” I yell, but automatically shut my mouth. Damnit!


“You just talked.” he states, making me roll my eyes. “Say more.”


I shake my head and try to pull my arm away from his grip, but he squeezes my arm harder.


“Ru, what happened in there?” he asks but I stay quiet. I don’t want to talk about it; not with Luke, not with anybody. He wraps his arms around my body and pulls me against him. I’m uncomfortable, but I don’t try to pull away. “Tell me what happened before I go in there and beat the shit out of that prick.”


I sigh and pull out my phone, quickly typing out a message. “He asked me why my suicide attempts didn’t work.” I send the text to him and watch as he reads the text. His frown grows and he looks at me.


“What the hell!? Why the hell would he ask you that?” He lets me go and starts to walk back towards the building. I jog to catch up with him and grab his wrist. When he turns around to look at me, I shake my head, and he sighs.


“Why shouldn’t I go in there and kick his ass? Give me one reason.”


You’re better than that.” I text him and when he looks down at his phone, he laughs.


“That prick deserves to learn a lesson. He can’t just go around asking people-” I stop him by putting my hand over his mouth. When he stops talking, I quickly type a message out on my phone.


“Everyone is in group for a reason. Maybe he has a reason for being a prick. It’s fine, okay? Let’s just get out of here.”


He nods when he reads it and leads me back inside to grab our stuff. I ignore the looks from everyone while I’m shrugging on my jacket and grabbing my purse. I snatch my notebook from the table that Calum is sitting at, and walk back over to Luke, who then puts his arm over my shoulder.


“If you can’t take the heat, you shouldn’t have even tried!” Calum calls out to me and I flip him off. Luke rolls his eyes at Calum’s words and pulls me over to June.


“We’re going to head out. Ru’s had enough for the day.” he says to her, his voice strained. I can tell he wants to walk over to Calum and strangle him, but he’s restraining for my sake.


“Are you sure? Want to talk about what happened?” June asks and Luke and I both shake our heads.


“She’s had enough and we’re leaving.” Luke states and drags me out the door again.


When we get into the car, Luke leans his head back against the seat and closes his eyes.


“I cannot believe he just said that shit in front of everyone and June didn’t even say anything to him. What if you go home and off yourself because of what he said? June and that prick both would feel like shit.”


“I’m not going to off myself.” I write out in my notebook and show it to him.


“It was just an example.” he sighs again, running his hand through his hair. “I know for a fact you’re not going to go home and off yourself.”


“And how do you know that?” I write out.


“Because I’m not going to let you, that’s how.” Without giving me a chance to write out a response, he puts the car into gear and steers out of the parking lot. He stays quiet as he drive, and so do I, mostly because I’m confused as to what the hell he’s doing.


I can tell he’s driving back to my house, but what he plans to do, I don’t know. When he pulls into my driveway, he shuts off the engine and gets out. I raise an eyebrow at him, but he ignores my confused look, and walks over to my side and opens the door.


“I’m staying here so I know for a fact you aren’t going to try to off yourself.” I roll my eyes and sigh, taking out my phone to type out a reply. But he grabs my arm and pulls me up, practically dragging me up the walk and through the front door.


After a year in therapy, I’m bringing a boy home to meet my mother.

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