Ru knew the world was cruel; she learned that the hard way. She thought that she was the only one, but when she met Luke Hemmings and then Calum Hood, everything changed.


21. 20.

Chapter 20


Month 16. Day 23.


Besides that one little phrase (aka “Luke, stop.”) I haven’t spoken in three days. I can tell the guys are getting worried about me; they keep asking me if they can get me anything; asking if I’m okay and if I need to talk; and actually delivering my meals to me. Of course, I haven’t been taking advantage of this at all (yeah right, I’ve been soaking this up and loving every minute of it).


Again, I find myself home alone with Calum. I’m not really worried about having to face him; he hasn’t talked to me since the kiss. I know I probably hurt his ego by reacting the way I did; but hey, I have a good excuse. He just… Doesn’t know what it is yet.


I mean, I’m sure I’ll tell all of my new friends eventually: well, right now I just have Luke, Calum, Mikey, and Ashton, but I plan on making more friends. I just have to figure out some more things before I go out into the world and let more people into my life.


Anyways, I’m sitting in the backyard (yeah I know I’m outside this is rare), trying to tan my way too pale body. I mean, I’m not one of those girls who obsesses over tanning and all that crap, but my skin is literally white. Like, as white as snow. And when I stand next to Ashton, I feel like I stick out too much so yeah I’m tanning.


I have my phone laying next to me, hooked up to my portable speakers. Liquid Confidence by You Me At Six is playing quietly. I’m in a good mood; I mean, I’ve pretty much gotten over the whole kiss thing. Actually, I’m kind of embarrassed about how I acted. In fact, I’m kind of excited about it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve been doing this weird… thing where when I’m alone and thinking about the kiss, I get all happy and I squeal. Like, SQUEAL. I didn’t even know I could make that kind of noise but I can tell you, I’ve been squealing for days. How can a boy make you feel this way? How can he make your insides flutter, your heart beat fast, your cheeks burn red. How can he make me do that? How?


I jump as a hand touches my shoulder. I open my eyes and look up at him: Calum.


“Sorry if I scared you.” He says quietly, sitting down in the chair next to mine. “I just really need to talk to you.”


I sit up straighter and turn my music down. “It’s fine. What do you wanna talk about?”


He looks at me, “you know what I want to talk about, Ru.”


“Yeah, I figured you would want to talk about that eventually.” I sigh and push my sunglasses up on top of my head.


“You know, I’ve been rejected many times; you don’t have to feel bad.”


“You?” I ask. “You’ve been rejected?”


He laughs, “of course I have! I haven’t always been this sexy.” I roll my eyes and he continues. “No, I’m serious. You don’t have to feel bad; it’s fine.”


“I don’t know if I feel bad or if I’m just embarrassed by the way I acted.”


He smiles, “it’s really nice hearing your voice again. I’ve missed it these past couple days.”


I blush. “Yeah, it was weird being quiet again. But I was thinking through some things and I wanted to be fully concentrated.”

“And that’s the only way? To be silent?”


I nod, “yeah. That’s the only way I can fully concentrate.”


“And what things did you need to think through?” He asks. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to; I’m just curious.”


“I needed to think about the kiss, of course. Think about the way I acted; about the way I probably made you feel.”


“Ru, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” I reach over and cover his mouth with my hand.


“Shush; let me finish.” I feel him smile from under my hand before I move it. “I’ve been through a lot of shit, Calum. And I know you have too, so that’s not my excuse. I’m not really ready to talk about it with you right now; the only person who knows is Luke, not even my mom and dad know. If I can learn to trust you, I might tell you someday.”


I take a deep breath. “Anyways, that kiss… That was my first, real kiss.”


“First real kiss?”


I nod. “It’s part of that story that I’ll tell you on another day.” He nods. “So yeah, it shocked me. And I really wasn’t expecting it; not from you. And yeah, I reacted badly, really badly, and I feel horrible about it. But when I ran off and spent the past couple days all silent; I thought about the way I acted. I thought about the kiss. And honestly, it wasn’t that bad. I definitely could try that again; you just gotta warn me before you do something like that.”


“And you promise you’ll explain things to me later on?”


I nod. “Yeah, I’ll explain things one day.”


“Good.” He smiles, “hey Ru?”


I look at him. “Yeah?”


“I’m going to kiss you.”


He cups my cheeks in his hands, making me smile, and then he leans in and kisses me. This time, I don’t pull away: I kiss back and wrap my arms around his neck.


After a year in therapy, I’M KISSING A BOY! NO! SCREW THAT!


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