Cruel

Ru knew the world was cruel; she learned that the hard way. She thought that she was the only one, but when she met Luke Hemmings and then Calum Hood, everything changed.

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21. 20.

Chapter 20

 

Month 16. Day 23.

 

Besides that one little phrase (aka “Luke, stop.”) I haven’t spoken in three days. I can tell the guys are getting worried about me; they keep asking me if they can get me anything; asking if I’m okay and if I need to talk; and actually delivering my meals to me. Of course, I haven’t been taking advantage of this at all (yeah right, I’ve been soaking this up and loving every minute of it).

 

Again, I find myself home alone with Calum. I’m not really worried about having to face him; he hasn’t talked to me since the kiss. I know I probably hurt his ego by reacting the way I did; but hey, I have a good excuse. He just… Doesn’t know what it is yet.

 

I mean, I’m sure I’ll tell all of my new friends eventually: well, right now I just have Luke, Calum, Mikey, and Ashton, but I plan on making more friends. I just have to figure out some more things before I go out into the world and let more people into my life.

 

Anyways, I’m sitting in the backyard (yeah I know I’m outside this is rare), trying to tan my way too pale body. I mean, I’m not one of those girls who obsesses over tanning and all that crap, but my skin is literally white. Like, as white as snow. And when I stand next to Ashton, I feel like I stick out too much so yeah I’m tanning.

 

I have my phone laying next to me, hooked up to my portable speakers. Liquid Confidence by You Me At Six is playing quietly. I’m in a good mood; I mean, I’ve pretty much gotten over the whole kiss thing. Actually, I’m kind of embarrassed about how I acted. In fact, I’m kind of excited about it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve been doing this weird… thing where when I’m alone and thinking about the kiss, I get all happy and I squeal. Like, SQUEAL. I didn’t even know I could make that kind of noise but I can tell you, I’ve been squealing for days. How can a boy make you feel this way? How can he make your insides flutter, your heart beat fast, your cheeks burn red. How can he make me do that? How?

 

I jump as a hand touches my shoulder. I open my eyes and look up at him: Calum.

 

“Sorry if I scared you.” He says quietly, sitting down in the chair next to mine. “I just really need to talk to you.”

 

I sit up straighter and turn my music down. “It’s fine. What do you wanna talk about?”

 

He looks at me, “you know what I want to talk about, Ru.”

 

“Yeah, I figured you would want to talk about that eventually.” I sigh and push my sunglasses up on top of my head.

 

“You know, I’ve been rejected many times; you don’t have to feel bad.”

 

“You?” I ask. “You’ve been rejected?”

 

He laughs, “of course I have! I haven’t always been this sexy.” I roll my eyes and he continues. “No, I’m serious. You don’t have to feel bad; it’s fine.”

 

“I don’t know if I feel bad or if I’m just embarrassed by the way I acted.”

 

He smiles, “it’s really nice hearing your voice again. I’ve missed it these past couple days.”

 

I blush. “Yeah, it was weird being quiet again. But I was thinking through some things and I wanted to be fully concentrated.”


“And that’s the only way? To be silent?”

 

I nod, “yeah. That’s the only way I can fully concentrate.”

 

“And what things did you need to think through?” He asks. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to; I’m just curious.”

 

“I needed to think about the kiss, of course. Think about the way I acted; about the way I probably made you feel.”

 

“Ru, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” I reach over and cover his mouth with my hand.

 

“Shush; let me finish.” I feel him smile from under my hand before I move it. “I’ve been through a lot of shit, Calum. And I know you have too, so that’s not my excuse. I’m not really ready to talk about it with you right now; the only person who knows is Luke, not even my mom and dad know. If I can learn to trust you, I might tell you someday.”

 

I take a deep breath. “Anyways, that kiss… That was my first, real kiss.”

 

“First real kiss?”

 

I nod. “It’s part of that story that I’ll tell you on another day.” He nods. “So yeah, it shocked me. And I really wasn’t expecting it; not from you. And yeah, I reacted badly, really badly, and I feel horrible about it. But when I ran off and spent the past couple days all silent; I thought about the way I acted. I thought about the kiss. And honestly, it wasn’t that bad. I definitely could try that again; you just gotta warn me before you do something like that.”

 

“And you promise you’ll explain things to me later on?”

 

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll explain things one day.”

 

“Good.” He smiles, “hey Ru?”

 

I look at him. “Yeah?”

 

“I’m going to kiss you.”

 

He cups my cheeks in his hands, making me smile, and then he leans in and kisses me. This time, I don’t pull away: I kiss back and wrap my arms around his neck.

 

After a year in therapy, I’M KISSING A BOY! NO! SCREW THAT!


AFTER A YEAR IN THERAPY, I’M KISSING CALUM!

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