Cruel

Ru knew the world was cruel; she learned that the hard way. She thought that she was the only one, but when she met Luke Hemmings and then Calum Hood, everything changed.

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16. 15.

Chapter 15

 

Month 16. Day 2.

 

I wake up from my nightmare shaking and sweating. Luke is passed out next to me, quiet snores escaping his lips. Not wanting to wake him up, I carefully climb out of bed and walk into the living room. As it was every night, my nightmare had been a replay of one of those fourteen days. I feel disgusting, as if that guy had been here overnight, and had touched me like he had all that time ago.

 

I know it’s not true; that guy was probably dealing with another victim; and there was no way he could find me again. And if he did, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill myself.

 

I walk to the kitchen and search the cabinet until I find a packet of hot chocolate. I fill up a mug with water and put it in the microwave, setting the time to two minutes and thirty seconds. When the microwave beeps, I take the mug out, dump the chocolate powder into the hot water and mix it up. I then walk to the living room, sit on the couch, and blow on my hot chocolate.

 

This is something I couldn’t do at my mother’s house. She would have yelled and screamed at me to go back to bed and she’d think I was trying to kill myself or something. There were so many nights where I just wanted to wrap myself in a blanket and drink a cup of hot chocolate, but I couldn’t because my mother is a lunatic.

 

Halfway through my glass of hot chocolate, I hear a door from down the hall open and close. Thinking it’s just Luke looking for me, I don’t turn around to see who the person is.

 

“Nightmare?” Calum’s voice rings out through the darkness, making me jump.

 

“Yeah,” I say quietly. The only reason I said it is because the room is pitch black and he wouldn’t be able to see me nod my head.

 

Calum walks around the couch a cushion away from me, flicking on the light. He watches me closely as I watch him, wondering what the hell he’s doing.

 

“Do you get them a lot?” he asks. Knowing he’s talking about nightmares, I nod my head. Calum reaches into the drawer of the table and pulls out a small notebook and a pen. He hands them to me before continuing. “Are they replaying a certain event? Or are they just annoying, nonsense nightmares?”

 

“Replaying.”

 

“Have you ever talked to June about them?”

 

I snort and roll my eyes. “I don’t TALK to anyone. Especially not June. She doesn’t know shit and I don’t ever want her to know.”

 

He frowns and looks at me. “June’s a nice person. She’s helped me through a lot in the few weeks I’ve known her; I think she could help you too.”

 

“I don’t need help. I’ve got everything under control.”

 

“It doesn’t seem like you do.” He says stubbornly, making me roll my eyes.

 

“So why do you go see June?”

 

He reads my words and takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. I take interest in his reaction and watch him closely. He sighs and rubs his face.

 

“My sister committed suicide a couple weeks ago. We were really close and I just…. I should have seen it coming but I didn’t. June says I have depression that was triggered when Mali…” He stops talking and I look at him, only to see him rubbing his eyes. I realize now why he was so uptight about me admitting that I have tried to commit suicide when we talked at group the other day.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He reads this and shakes his head, “no, you don’t need to apologize. I don’t want anymore pity from anyone.” I nod, knowing exactly how he’s feeling, and we fall into a silence that undeniably relaxes us both.

 

After a year in therapy, I’m beginning to think less about myself and more about others.

 
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