Scandalous

Written in 2011. First fic I ever wrote.
-Harry and Draco's hatred all collide in one heated night. Harry's confused; he doesn't know what happened, but he knows one thing. He can't stop thinking about Draco.

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6. Because we care

I sat down in the commons with Ron and Hermione, relaxed down in the couch and sighing deeply.

“Harry?” Ron looked at me curiously. “Something’s been nagging me…” He continued, with a monotone voice and blinked.

I turned to face him fully, from where I was sitting in the corner of the sofa; the other two was seated in, as well. “Really? And what is that?” I asked, looking him in the eyes with my head slightly tilted to the side.

Ron shifted in his end of the couch, trying to get a comfortable seat, without taking up all the space in between him and me, where Hermione were seated. “You didn’t say a word.” I frowned a little at this, didn’t really get what he meant. “Before, in the hall? I’ve actually never said that much to Malfoy in a fight, as I have this time.” He tilted his head a bit to the side too. “It’s usually always you that’s doing the talking. But you didn’t this time?” he shook his head a little, as to see if that could make it give sense in his head.

Hermione turned to face me as well, with a small frown. “I noticed that too. Harry, you’ve been acting really odd lately;” she lifted an eyebrow. “Well, okay. Beside from the fact that you had that Quidditch match and ended up in hospital for two days; you have been acting odd!” When she finished her sentence, she gave me a weird expression.

“Yeah, what’s going on Harry, you can tell us, ya’know?” Ron joined in.

“I…” I lowered my gaze, looking at my lap. “I… Um…” I really wanted to be honest with my two best friends, but somehow, the imagination of Draco’s breath against my ear, when he whispered my name, that night… I just couldn’t get it over my lips.

“You what?” Ron encouraged and Hermione slapped his knee, to shut him up.

“I can’t.” I lifted my head, looking over at Hermione. “I really want to tell you guys… But I just don’t think I’m ready for getting out with it, yet.” I then turned my gaze to let it land on Ron; I sighed and then dropped my head again.

It wasn’t surprising that Hermione and Ron was confused now, because the three of us was the best of friends and I usually told them everything; and honestly it wasn’t a secret that both of them knew that I told them everything. So it wasn’t a surprise at all that they were confused! I would be to, if they kept something a secret from me!

Hermione was the first to open her mouth and say something; “its okay Harry, just know that we’re here when you feel ready to talk about it, okay?” I saw, out of the corner of my eyes, that she send me a faint smile, hoping to comfort me, just a bit. “The only reason where asking about it, is because we’re worried about you; and because we care!” I felt her pat my leg with her hand.

I tensed at the last part at the sentence; and I really hoped Hermione wouldn’t feel it under her hand, and I hoped Ron wouldn’t notice my tension. I wouldn’t want them to think I tensed because of Hermione’s touch; because I didn’t! I was all about the fact, that what she had just said, reminded me so much of Draco, when he said earlier this day that he didn’t care. It hurt.

“Harry?” Hermione’s voice. I didn’t look up at her; I didn’t want her to see the tears that had suddenly whelmed up in my eyes. “Harry are you okay?” She had felt my tension… Not good.

“No… Just… I need to be alone.” I shook her hand of my leg, rose and left the common; making my way through the castle, without looking back at my two friends, the painting of the fat lady, or anyone passing my way as I walked.

As I walked, the tears started falling down my cheeks, I didn’t stop walking before I was standing on the bridge I was standing on, a couple of years ago, when my teacher, Professor Lupin, told  me I was SO alike my father… But I really start to doubt that. My father wouldn’t ever stand on this bridge, frustrated over the simple need of Draco’s touch, all over the body. Well, I suppose it would make more sense to say Snape, when it’s about my dad… Since my dad doesn’t know Draco… And never will… But still! The point is there; I really doubt we are that alike, my father and I… He would never let himself be driven this crazy, over some like… etc.… Snape… Like I was at that point… With Draco…

I couldn’t go on like this much longer. This simple need was eating me up from the inside and out. I just stood there, on the bridge, looking out at the beauty surrounding Hogwarts. This is my home! But this year, everything had been so different.

Draco. He didn’t even care. Or did he? Maybe he only said that to protect himself?

I stood there, for a long time, just thinking about what had happened to me over the year. Thinking about Draco and the one night we had spend together; and trying to make myself believe that he did really care and desired me, just as badly as I did, with him. It just wasn’t that easy. The tears were still falling from my eyes and why couldn’t he see what he’s doing to me?!

I looked around; no one was there. My eyes fell on a little notch in the banister of the bridge and stayed there for a little while, before I hesitantly set my foot in the notch and crawled up. It didn’t take me long before I was standing in one of the openings of the banister and looked down.

Then, suddenly I remembered. I remember Voldemort, the death eaters, the wizarding world’s fate and all the things I had to do. I couldn’t just end it all here! Too many people’s destiny was in my hands… To jump of now… Would be the most cowardly thing I’ve ever done! I looked down one single time again, before I turned around on the banister. Regretting that I ever stepped up here.

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