To everyone who fucked me over, played me, tried me or lied to me, because you're all dead to me now
// Original product of Olivia Turner. Do not copy or share without permission. ©2015-2016


20. Twenty


"Andrea...What are you talking about?"

"I-I don't know" I fiddle with my tube.

"Why are you crying?" He asks.

"I'm hurting"

"Physically, or emotionally?" He leans in.

"Physically" I lie again.

"Why was Karen brought up?"

"I heard her say I love you" I sigh.

I don't know if she did.

I didn't want him to know I saw her kiss his cheek.

I want him to think that I thought they were dating.

"Andrea, I'm not trying to impress her or whatever by taking care of you"

"Wait, she actually said she loved you?"

"Y-Yes" he says.


"Where did your little lie come from?"

"I saw her kiss your cheek. I don't know what you two were talking about. It just  made me feel like you were using me to impress her"

"I would never do that" I feel him looking at me.

"I know. Sorry, I was just so tired. You need to go to school now...So bye" 

"Andrea, I hope you believe me. She was only asking for a second chance"

"Okay, okay. Just go"


I sigh.

She's just laying there sobbing.


"Allen, go. I want to be a...alone"

I'm a little taken aback.

She hates being alone.


I leave the room to get ready.

After I finish I head upstairs.

"You can ride my bus" Karen smiles at my presence.


"Is she okay?" She asks.

"I don't know" I sigh.

"It's okay" she grabs my hand.

I slide it away a little.


"The bus is here" she rushes outside.

I follow her.

She hops onto the bus and I do as well.


I look over at my door.

I slowly walk to his room.

I feel terrible for the way I treated him.

I can't lose my best friend.

I sit on his bed.

"Why am I such a bitch?"

"Why do you think you are?" Her aunt walks in with some fresh towels.

"I was rude to him. It's personal" I sigh, "I just can't control my feelings"

"Sweetie, I know that it's hard to control our feelings. It's never going to be simple. You're always going to end up lashing out at some point, but that's apart of your personality. And he's your real friend, he'll come back and forgive you" 

I half smile.

"Thank you"

"Any time honey. Here, let's start you a warm bath" she states.

After I take a warm bath and change, I walk to my room and fall asleep.


School finally finishes.

Karen's been making an effort to flirt with me all day.

"Are you ever going to answer my question?" She sits beside me on the bus.

"Karen, I need to fix things with Andrea first, okay?"

"What's wrong with her? Is she jealous?"

"Jealous?" I choke. "What in the hell would she be jealous about?"

"Losing you to me" she smirks.

"Wow, wow unbelievable"


"Andrea, is not jealous. We just had a fight..."


"She thought I was using her to impress you"

"Allen, if she was your real friend, she would trust that you would never do something like that"

I look down.

"I've had fights like this before and they don't end well. Just cut it off with her. She's using you because she has no friends. You had a few. You also had a few girlfriends. She had/has no one"

We arrive back at her house.

I rush downstairs to my room.


I glance over my back and see Andrea standing there.

Her purple hair is a little damp.


"What are you doing?" She asks.

"Looking for some clothes. I'm going to shower"

"I'm sorry" she blurts out.

"For what? Not trusting me?"


"Andrea, if you actually cared about me, and weren't using me, then why wouldn't you believe me when I said I wouldn't ever use you. Especially to impress Karen?!"

"Why the hell would I use you?" She asks quietly.

"Because you're constantly lonely! You don't care about me! You just want attention and you assumed since I had no friends that I was an easy target! Face it, you hated me as soon as I spoke to you...Until I payed you some actual attention. Just stop pretending, Andrea"

"Allen!" She shouts.

"What?!" I yell back.

Tears build up in her eyes.


"I am constantly lonely. I do need someone to be there to give me attention, but I would never use you...And if you actually ever knew me, you'd know that I can't waste such an amazing friendship for some bull shit. I want to be loved. I want someone to be there and tell me that everything is okay. And for just once, just once, I thought I had that, but clearly my eyes and my mind deceived me. I'm always let down and I can't believe I'm actually shocked"


She turns and rushes as quick as she can to her room.

"Where are you going?!"

"Anywhere where I'm wanted!" She shouts across the house.

"You aren't wanted anywhere!"

I immediately hear hard sobbing.


My heart melts all the way down to my feet.

"Why am I a fuck up?" I ask myself as I shove my clothes into my satchel.

I gather myself, barely, then slowly begin to head up the stairs.

"Andrea? Do you need help?" I see her aunt.

"C-Can you carry my rack?"

She nods and carefully follows behind me up the stairs.

I step into the hallway.

"Where are you going?" She asks.

"I'm going home"

"Do you need a ride?"

I see Allen appear at the top of the stairs. 

Karen walks over to him.

We make short eye contact before I speak.

"I am fine. I'll walk. I hope it kills me"

"What was that?" She's appalled.

I just keep walking until I get to the door.

It's been hours since I started walking. I haven't made it anywhere far.

I decide to phone my mom.



"Please come get me" I cry.

"I actually just got back in town. Sweetie where are you?"

I tell her the name of the street.

I sit on the curb in tears.

How could I let this happen?


"Allen? What was that about?" Her aunt turns to me.

"We just had a fight and thought it was best to leave"

"Why does she want to die?" She asks.


"She said she'd walk. And she said she hopes that it kills her"

My body stiffens.

I'm so pissed off at her.


My mom slings herself out of the car and she rushes to me.

She falls to her knees and embraces me in a hug.

"M-Mom! I thought he cared!" I whale.


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