To everyone who fucked me over, played me, tried me or lied to me, because you're all dead to me now
// Original product of Olivia Turner. Do not copy or share without permission. ©2015-2016


42. Forty Two


"I didn't kiss you because my head was in the clouds about Karen. Okay, I lied to you. Because I was trying to spare her feelings and not ruin our friendship"

"Like yours and mine?" I ask.


"Why would that ruin our friendship?"


"I kissed you because I like you. No, no, I don't. I love you" I laugh, "I'm so in love with you. And more and more every day, I love you a thousand more times than the previous day"

She laughs a little.

"You're joking"

"You think so?" I glare at her.

Her small smile fades.

"W-Well now I'm not so sure"

"Andrea, I'm not, okay? I'm sorry that this could possibly ruin everything, but my mom said I need to tell you, and I can't lie to you anymore"

"I kissed you again for a reason" she crosses her arms, "let's go inside"

I follow her to the living room and sit on the couch.

"What reason?"

"As soon as you held my hand the first time in the ER, I had this electricity run through my veins. I felt different"


"But, I've been through a lot. So um, let's just hold it off, maybe?" She says.

"Oh, yeah totally. That's what I was thinking" I reply.

"Thanks for understanding" she stands up in sync with me and gives me a hug.

"Okay, well I should get going" I say slowly.


We say goodbyes and I leave just as her mom pulls in.


"Hey sweetie" my mom sits the keys on the counter.

"I'm going for a drive" I snatch them and rush out to the car.

I climb in the driver's side and shut the door abruptly.

I slam my head on the wheel and the horn honks.

I start the car and pull out.

'Not About Angels' by Birdy starts playing.

I drive underneath the canopy of pink trees and begin crying.

I don't cry because I'm not strong. I cry because I have feelings.

"Andrea, all you want is him, but you know your heart isn't ready. You'll just ruin it" I say to myself.

Voices inside my head keep telling me I'm going to screw it up if we date.

I can't have another part of me break off and fall into the pit of lost memories where I fucked up.

I need to keep Allen. I don't know when I'll believe I'm ready, and I don't know when he will either.


My heart broke when she said not now.

But it melted when she said she felt the same.

She may not as much as me, but I'm fine with that.

It's a win/lose.

"Just wait Allen" I say to myself.

I don't know when she'll be ready, and I don't think she does either.

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