To everyone who fucked me over, played me, tried me or lied to me, because you're all dead to me now
// Original product of Olivia Turner. Do not copy or share without permission. ©2015-2016


41. Forty One


I just kissed Allen. I couldn't believe it but I did.

He looks at me.

"Well, um"

"Sorry" I say.

"You don't have to be, it was kind of enjoyable"

"Wait, really?" I ask.

"Yeah. We kissed before, but I felt bad because I don't think you wanted to"

"Well, you did it lost in thought because of Karen, so I mean, I let you in a way of comfort"

"You know how people lie to spare feelings? Or to hide their own?"

"Allen...? What's this is about?"

"I can't tell you. I just, I can't"

"Just tell me"

We pull up to my house.

"I'm sorry, I just can't" he says as I get out.

"What, Allen?" He pulls away.

I sigh and watch his car drive down the road.

I slowly walk to the front door and sit in front of it.

I watch all of the cars pass by my house.

I realize all of a sudden how beautiful my neighborhood is.

There are trees aligned down the street, arching over to form a canopy of pink blossoms.

All of my neighbors have flowers planted around their houses and mailboxes, some growing from bushes.

My house looks just the same as everyone else's.

Fall is kicking in soon. The leaves will change colors and fall. The flowers will wither away.

But all of their happy hearts won't.

"Haha, my hair will clash with fall outfits that I've been wanting to buy" I say to myself.

Maybe I should dye my hair a different color. Maybe an auburn color, because purple is too much.

"Oh, maybe a lavender color instead of dark purple"

I laugh at myself. I slowly remember that Allen left me here and I'm by myself.

Talking about my hair color.

"Andrea?" I look up to see the girl that was with Colin.

"Um, how did you find me?"

"Colin told me where you lived. I wanted to apologize. I didn't know of anything that you've been through. I thought you were just another typical ex, but sweetie you're so much more than that. He told me all about you. Like how you have the biggest heart on the planet, you'd take the shirt off of your back for someone, you are sensitive. You're a lot of things. He doesn't deserve you, no one really does, but I'm  here to apologize for what I did"

"Look, it's fine. It's not a big deal"

"Where's that Allen guy?" She asks.

I don't want to look or sound pathetic.

"I-I uh, he had to go home. Strict parents"

"Oh, well, do you want to hang out? By the way, how old are you?"

"Sure. Almost eighteen, you?"

"Just turned nineteen" she smiles and leads me to her car.


"I feel bad for leaving Andrea in the dust like that, but I don't want her to feel like she HAS to like me back to spare my feelings. God knows that girl is sweet enough to do so. But even if she does, I would not want to rush her into a relationship"

My mom sighs.

"Honey, girls this age are stupid. They don't know what they want. Though I don't like this girl, if she has feelings for you, they may fade soon if you don't tell her. Confusing I know, but girls just assume if he doesn't say it first, then there's no chance"

I huff.

As much as I despise my mother in parts of her personalities, she's right.


Her name is Julie. She's really sweet.

"What do you want from Starbucks?" She asks.

I look up from my phone realizing we're in the drive through.

"Uhh, vanilla bean frappé"

After hanging out and talking, she leaves.

I begin to walk up my front steps.


I turn to see Allen.

"Oh, hi" I turn back to unlock the door.

"Don't be this way"

"Allen, it's fine. We're past it"

"I'll tell you what I was saying earlier"

That stops me as to what I'm doing.


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