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31. The Other - Emma Jokinen (In Progress)

 

#27

Mar/2016

 

Holy shit that blurb is creepy as hell. What the hell is worse than war? Never mind! Don't wanna know. I have to sleep.

 

The cover is interesting...but it could be better. If you were going for a double interpretation than it might've served you better to have a face of a man with a line split down the middle and half of his face is faded on one side. If that makes sense. It's just a thought. :)

You should also reread your blurb as it has a mistake and a missing word.

 

 

I LOVE THE LETTER!!! Like instantly it draws you in. How does it continue? What story is he going to tell? I'm already so excited for the adventure we'll live through with him and the ending, as he continues the letter and the story hasn't even started yet! Brilliant! It's so abrupt and mysterious which is amazing in writing!

 

The story you tell after the third time jump, is kinda confusing. I hope for your sake as the story continues it becomes easier to understand. 

 

Arthur is certainly my kind of soldier. But he should really keep his focus in check. Leaving an enemy unattended when he could've prevented infiltration, is not wise. Which is why he ended up with a damn grenade in front of him and his wounded comrade! Sigh. Sorry. I try not to get so involved so quickly, but my Achilles heel always has been and always will be soldiers.

 

Can I also say that I enjoyed the back and forth between him and Davis? I hope he's the dear friend in reference of the letter. Mainly because I hope he's still alive after all this. The poor thing better receive his tea too. Or I'll have a bone to pick with the Major.

 

Your description of the events was better than I first anticipated. I'm sure as time passes they'll get even better. But as far as a first draft? They're splendid. They give enough to know what's happening and at times they even allow me to see what the MC does. Keep on as you are sweetheart, you're doing wonderful. :-) 

 

 

Dear god. Chapter three ha me questioning all sorts of things. Like is Davis actually okay? Or did the doctor tell him that to keep his spirits up? Was the patient in the hospital Davis? Or just another soldier who had a similar experience in war? This story is going to drive me nuts. I want answers! 

 

It amazes me that his family doesn't seem to acknowledge his medal. After all that time away and yet it's as though he's a stranger! How can they not care that he's back? That his time served and actions done earned him a medal. There's obviously something I'm missing and I hope we learn it sometime soon.

 

It's started. He's not forgetting things is he? There's something or someone pretending to be him, right? When did it start I wonder. Was it after his brothers funeral? Or during his coma? I'm so addicted. This story is amazing.

 

You have this thing throughout your story, the MC is so strong but he lacks the initiative to stand up to others. Yet the minute he knows something is wrong, all of that goes out the window. I love it. It's so real. So, true to life. 

 

 

Chapter 3: There was a sentence that read weird. II think a comma would fix it.

'And getting up again after every time he was forced to sit down on the floor, became easier as well.' I feel is how it should read. 

 

 

This story is amazing! I have faved and liked it. I can't wait till your next update to see what happens to Arthur and why he's having all these problems. 

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