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20. The Ocean Changes - Loyalty (In Progress)

 

#16

Dec/2015

 

Love the quote and cover!

 

That was a whole lot of information about water. I feel smarter just reading your prologue. 

 

You start off strong with the prologue. But I find myself losing interest as I read the first chapter. You've got me excited about learning something new referring to the ocean, but then you start it up with a sure to be long journey reliving a character's back story. I get that Eclipse is more than likely supposed to be one of these 'three people', but after that prologue I anticipated reading her inner monologue about the war that went on.

Now I sit here growing uninterested, because you're bringing in too much information about the character.

 

 

 

 

Prologue: Question; Did you mean to write 'that could upset the balance of that earth'? Or was it supposed to read 'balance of the earth'?

 

Chapter 1: Another question; the term you use 'high-statice' is it meant to be, high status? Or statice as in the sea lavender? Which makes sense with your story, but I just need clarification. As it stands I don't understand the wording. I didn't understand 'And I was sore sure', was 'sore' supposed to be 'sure' then you just wrote it twice? I'm just overall confused. You have a misspelling of the word 'would' in the next sentence after the one stated above. You've misspelled 'receiving' as well. Don't forget the rule: I before E except after C. 'Are monsters to terrifying' that should be 'too terrifying'.

 

 

 

 

It's sure to be an interesting story, but I just can't get into it. As I stated above I loved the prologue. But then the feel you had, your mind set; changed. I'm sure there are other people who would love to read this, but I'm not one of them. I hope you continue writing it and ask me for more reviews in the future!

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