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27. Maria [Season 1] - Cangku Shisan (In Progress)

 

#23

Jan/2016

 

I think what attracted me so much to this is that the title is simply a name.

 

I've never read a play or script before but I absolutely adore this! My assumptions had me thinking that things like this would be a bore to read, but you write it so well that I lose myself in it.

 

Maria is very mature at moments most people would lose their heads. She keeps a level head and isn't afraid to boldly speak her thoughts. (I dare say she's my female crush)

 

Your characters are what give this script life though. The guys that make up Dying Breed are my reason for existence! Oh I wish they were real. These guys are hilarious! I really think if you were to separate them it would ruin it almost. They really bring out the best (Sometimes worst) in each other. 

 

The best thing about this is the fact that if it were a real TV series I believe it would make it. In almost every episode you bring in an event or person that keeps people on their toes. Just when you think there's a moment to catch your breath, you steal the chair right out from under us!

 

 

 

 

 

Scene 1 (Episode 1): 'Nerdy has always and always will be THE hot.' Either you'remissing a word or need one added. In the next sentence you've misspelled Maria's name and the word 'chuckling'.

Scene 3 (Episode 1): The first sentence of dialogue should end in a question mark.

Scene 4 (Episode 1): 'Your fucking with me.'  That should be 'you're'. 

Scene 6 (Episode 1): 'are introduced and walk of stage.' Off by a letter. 

Scene 7 (Episode 1): 'I doubt your fit to drive.' That should be 'you're'

Scene 4 (Episode 2): 'I've had to book hotel room.' You're missing a letter or a word. 

Scene 2 (Episode 3): 'Maria here is gonna give us feedback and our performance' On our performance?

Scene 5 (Episode 4): He bends down to smell he flowers. (I think we both know you're missing an 'r' in there.) 

Scene 4 (Episode 5): 'rom the other side of the street.' Those damn missing letters.

 

 

 

 

 

I thank you for your proofreading and I am going to continue reading on. You only asked for one episode and I reread the first five again. XD I'm horrible I know. As always I can't wait for the next update!

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