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This is the place where you link me your story and I review it. ATTENTION NEW READERS: If you are here to leave me your story, please read the rules and read my later reviews (Chapters 30+) to decide if you like my style.

30Likes
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17070Views
AA

19. for those forgotten. - V I O L E T T A (In Progress)

 

#15

Dec/2015

 

Normally I don't like reading stories where everything is in lowercase.

 

Your cover I think suits your story very nicely. The blurb isn't awful either, but if I had come across it amongst other stories; I would've passed it by. It doesn't tell too much to drag others in. You don't have to change it, but if you did I would suggest using a line from your story.

For example? now, all i hear when i move my lips and tongue is silence. silence and the sound of my thoughts screaming.

I know if I saw that as a blurb I'd go, 'Ooooo, more!' *click*. It would give you more views at least. Like I said though, YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. TO. CHANGE. IT. This is simply what I would do if it were my story. :)

 

I like the way you write. Not the lowercase style, but your poetic style. You choose words and similies so beautifully that, while I'm reading I feel as though I'm reading something already published. Normally people who try to accomplish this style, fail because they think 'beautiful' and 'carefully chosen' means 'let's use the largest words we can find and try to make them rhyme with our plot!' As you can tell; it never works in their favor.

 

Your character is very broken. She leaves no mystery to why she's broken, because the entire beginning of the story is her sad tale. I'm curious though is this the only character we'll be seeing? Will there be more? Are the 'those' you reference to in the title, her and her family; or others? 

 

 

 

Chapter 3 (Chapter 1): 'they made us watch as her her head' Do you see the mistake? :) 'what brought the worst of feeling' I was very confused by this sentence. What's worse is because of how you've written out the rest of that sentence, I can't tell how it was supposed to read.

One thing I found often irritated me while reading was because you write in lowercase, I often thought you had a lot of run on sentences. I'd have to reread several lines to make sure that one had ended and another started. As a grammar Nazi, I was in hell. I am not giving you shit for your writing style. This is all you and I appreciate that, I am just being honest. 

 

 

Am I absolutely enthralled with this story by what I've read? No. 

Does it pique my interest? Hell yes.

 

I do hope you continue and I'll leave my favorite as I want to know how you finish.

Told you I'd get it done in one sitting. ;)

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