Review Store

This is the place where you link me your story and I review it. ATTENTION NEW READERS: If you are here to leave me your story, please read the rules and read my later reviews (Chapters 30+) to decide if you like my style.

33Likes
316Comments
19007Views
AA

29. Fly Away - Unikitty Galaxy (In Progress)

 

#25

Feb/2016

 

It would be in your best interest to add a blurb. If you hadn't asked for a review and I saw this in the recently updated, I would've passed it by. Every story needs a summary of some kind. Since you don't have one we're forced to make assumptions on your cover. Which also isn't appealing.

 

 

Your chapters are pretty short. You could get away with combining a few to make them longer.

I would also suggest adding in some information about your MC. As it stands the only thing the reader knows about him is that apparently he's a murder and he's been living with his aunt and uncle. 

 

There's no description, no character information, no background information; really the only thing that gives this story any leverage is Jacob. I would suggest drafting your story and working out a plot line. Make the first chapter longer, give us more information. Throw in a brief flashback and some character information. Then as the story continues add more here and there about the MC and what he's gone through. Make your chapters longer.

 

 

 

Chapter 3: 'As I was asleep' You should change this to 'As I was sleeping'. 'I heard glass break and a sharp pain on the top of my head.' You can't hear a sharp pain on the top of your head. I would suggest adding that he 'felt' this.

 

 

I hope you take this into consideration and I hope I haven't discouraged you. You have a good story here that could be made even better if you spent some time working out the kinks. :)

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...