Delicate

Allisson Lily Wilson. A girl who was made to do anything she'd put her mind to. Her family would expect her to be able to do whatever. But she isn't what she was supposed to be. She is simply Delicate.

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1. CUTS

I. CUTS

 

Being skinny has never been a choice. It has simply just been who I am. Lots of people want to be skinny, but not as skinny as me. I can grab my rib cage, and I can feel my bones just by softly tapping them. I have no curves, people say I am secretly a boy. Nobody has ever been attracted to me, nobody ever will be attracted to me. There is absolutely no way anyone would find a such a boyish shape beautiful.

They like to see me sad.  They want me to pay for my sins of being so skinny. Who is "They", You might ask? Everybody. The only people who don't comment on my body are my parents. That is only because they refuse to bring it up. Reason why? I disappoint them. I was supposed to just be a perfect little girl. I was supposed to be the one that could do anything. But the truth is, I can't do anything without breaking down in fear. Everybody seems to describe me in just one word: Delicate.

I honestly just want to die. Some people think that suicide is stupid and selfish, but I want to kill myself to help people. Let's get real here, you don't like me. So why in the world should I be here? 

My parents are always telling me to be positive. Not in that friendly pep talk way though. My father will literally scream at me and tell me to be happy. Sometimes I try to put on a fake smile. But then they kind of destroy it by telling me how disappointed they are in me. I never know if this is good parenting or not.

They see my tears. And they think it's all an act, that I want attention, or I am plain old dramatic. They don't understand that I am Delicate and I need help before I shatter. 

No, I am not just sad because I am too skinny. I am sad because I am sad. I was born depressed. I get depressed over being depressed. Skinny isn't always that bad... It just tells me how I will never have any friends in the world. 

Today before school, my parents were already at work, and I was getting ready. I put my hair up in a messy bun because I didn't care much about what my hair looks like. Even if I'd spend five hours on my hair, I would still get beaten up for being skinny.

I didn't use any makeup. I happen to think my face is okay. My face is naturally pale, I have sort of full lips, and grey eyes. Okay I guess.

After getting dressed, I went into the kitchen. I grabbed a knife from a drawer. I held it against my left arm, and started carving cuts into my arm. I am too Delicate. I deserve it.

 

 

 

 

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