Lovely Madness

I had been in love before. Unlike most girls these days, my love was real. He was everything I had ever wanted from a man. He cared for me, he could make me laugh and smile, he kissed me like each one would be our last, he never hurt me. Until the day that he did. But even then, I couldn't stop loving him. I think a part of me still loves him now. When you fall so deeply in love with someone, you can't just stop.

Then out of nowhere, he came back. After leaving me alone for so long he had come back. I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to feel things about him anymore. The thought of him drove me to madness. Passionate, heartbreaking, beautiful, lovely madness.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."


2. Recruit

Harry ran another hand through his hair and turned his body to face me. 

"I wanted to explain why I left," he said. 

"So you have to show up at my door looking like a serial killer? I know you still have my number," I said. 

"Riley this is serious okay?" He showed it on his face and I stood up more straight. 

Okay, I guess now would be the time to stop bitching. It was my natural reflex. I didn't like feelings that made me confused, or worried, or... too extremely caring. I was good at hiding my feelings, which was the made me seem like a heartless bitch on the outside. But in reality, if I let my feelings get the better of me, I became a completely different person. Harry was the only person who could give me feelings like that. Even when Harry and I were together, I would turn on my bitch mode to make sure he couldn't get to me. 

"I'm not gonna lie and say that I had some deeply profound and understandable reason for leaving-." 

"I know there was a girl," I shrugged.

He gave me a weird look and I shrugged again. Maybe that wasn't the best way to say it but, what's done is done.

"There's always a girl," I reinforced. 

"Okay well... Yes. There was but she... She wasn't right. At first it was just a one time thing. I knew you'd kill me for it, but I'd be able to deal with it. But then she found me again and I like... Couldn't get away," he struggled to speak. Now I gave the weird looks.

"Her dad was part of some high profile drug ring, and she was... A recruit." 

When he finished his sentence, Simone's small footsteps padded up to us. I peeled my eyes away from Harry and looked down at her. Harry did the same. 

"So this book is all about you huh?" He smiled. 

"And Riley and my mom, wanna see?" She reached her small hand up in the air, waiting for Harry to take it. 

He grabbed it and she pulled him over to the couch. He grabbed his coffee as he sat down and Simone spread the book over his lap. I watched the two of them and got a feeling in my stomach. I loved Harry. I had been crazily in love with him. Knowing that he left for a girl sucked, but it's what I figured. But after those cryptic last words I became kind of worried about him. 

"I'm gonna go... clean myself up, did you eat yet babe?" I asked Simone. 

"Can we get pancakes?" She looked at me. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I was so tired.

"I don't know..." I muttered. 

"Pancakes from Timmy's?" Harry asked. 

Simone nodded answering the question directed towards me.

"I'll take her if you aren't up to it," Harry looked at me. 

"Can Riley come?" Simone looked at him. 

"Only if she wants," Harry said.

I stared at the two beautiful in people in front of me. Simone was my entire world. My parents were still in San Diego, my sister was gone, my friends were always busy, and Harry had left nearly four years ago. After a few months of being alone with Simone, I had moved past missing Harry. I was never a wreck without him, but I didn't like it either. The fact that I let him just walk in to my house and talk to me like he had only been gone a few days surprised me more than anything. I hadn't thought about him a lot honestly, I was good at letting things go. But now he's here after so long and it reminded me of how amazing our relationship actually was. Damn him.

"I guess so. Go ahead and get dressed then. Are you gonna help me cook dinner when we get home?" I asked Simone. 

"It's noodle sauce night!" She yelled, flailing her arms into the air.

She hopped off the couch and started to run back to her room. 

"Noodle sauce?" Harry asked me. 

"She doesn't know how to say spaghetti," I smiled. 

Harry just nodded and an awkward silence fell into the room.

"Well I'm gonna go change," I said. 

I started to walk away when Harry jumped in front of me and stopped me. I ran into his chest and my breath caught in my throat due to the impact. His hands gripped each of my elbows sending sparks of electricity across my skin. When I looked up into his face, my heart started to pound realizing how close it was. 

"Riley, I know I shouldn't have just shown up here but I had nowhere else to go. I don't have the money to just get on a plane and fly home to England. I don't have any friends that I can trust anymore," he said quietly. 

The heat of his breath flooded over my face and I wanted to give in. But I couldn't. 

"But you can trust me?" I questioned.

He didn't say anything for awhile, just observed my face.

"You've been all I've had for years now. I could always trust you. And look at what you've done with Simone. She isn't even yours, did your sister leave her in her will or something?" 

"No, I just didn't want my parents to have to do it all over again. They pay for a lot of stuff still. But you just showed up, Harry. You don't know anything about how Simone and I work," I quickly said, I didn't want to start rambling.

"I know I don't. I just... Riley you have no reason to help me. You shouldn't forgive me, you shouldn't trust me, you shouldn't change anything. But if you could, you'd be saving me," he whispered.

I stared into his eyes, confused. I didn't know what to do. This whole thing was just happening. I had no time to breathe or process everything in my head. He literally just walked in and flipped my world upside down. Well no, that was a little dramatic. He wasn't that big of a deal. My world was definitely spinning a little too fast though.

"Harry, I..." 

Just then Simone pushed her way in between us and stared up at me. I could always rely on Simone to ruin a moment. And that was a moment I needed to be ruined so I wasn't too upset.

"Riley you aren't even dressed!" She yelled. I let out a deep breath and looked down at her.

"I'm sorry, Harry and I were talking. Give me five minutes alright?" 

She nodded and got on her toes. I bent down and placed a small kiss on her lips. 

"Let's keep looking at my book!" She grabbed the bottom of Harry's shirt and tugged on it. 

"I'd love to," he smiled. 

She beamed back up at him and they sat down. Before he could say anything I hurried to my room. After I shut the door, I pulled off my shirt and stood there for a second. I dropped my shorts to the ground and pulled out some new clothes. He was so cute, I fucking hated him.

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