Musical Autopsy

In this movella, I will strip a song down to its core and try to decipher its inner meaning, if it has one, and what is wrong with it. Song suggestions welcome. *Update - I only do songs that made one of the billboard charts at some point in time. Thanks!*

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3. Acapella by Karmin

Song: Acapella

Artist: Karmin

Songwriter(s): Sam S. Hollander, Martin Johnson, Amy Heidemann, Nick Noonan

Current Billboard Rating: 72

Release Date: August 3, 2013

 

There is so much wrong with this song that I am just going to go ahead and get into it:

[Chorus:]
 Used to be your baby, used to be your lady
 Thought you were the perfect lover

There is nothing bad yet. Karmin is saying that she used to be this guy's girlfriend, and she thought he was perfect


 All the harmony went fallin' out of key, so
 Now you gotta find another

Then something happened, and she broke up with him.


 Now you're talkin' crazy, sayin' that you made me
 Like I was your Cinderella
 You and me are through though, watch me hit it solo
 I'm a do it acapella, yeah [2x]

This is where things get nasty. She says she is going to do it solo, and then she says she is going to do a capella. First of all, it is spelled wrong, and second of all a capella doesn't mean by yourself. It almost always means with others. A capella is not using anything artificial and using only voices to make music. Why didn't the producer say: You know that isn't what a capella means, right?

[Verse 1:]
 Once upon a time, I met the perfect guy
 He had that Colgate smile, he had that suit & tie
 Mama always said, "Get a rich boyfriend,
 You don't gotta love 'em, girl, you can pretend."

Great maternal advice.


 You bet I totes believed her, yeah, every word she said
 Thought he was gluten-free, but all that I got was bread
 Mama always said, "Nice guys finish last.
 Beat him at his own game, honey, take the cash."

More good advice.

 

[Pre-Chorus:]
 Ooh, and what a lucky girl you will be
 But no, he didn't do jack for me
 I want a bean with the beanstalk

You want giants to come attempt to kill your whole village?


 And if the magic ain't right, time to walk

[Chorus:]
 Used to be your baby, used to be your lady
 Thought you were the perfect lover
 All the harmony went fallin' out of key, so
 Now you gotta find another
 Now you're talkin' crazy sayin' that you made me
 Like I was your Cinderella
 You and me are through though, watch me hit it solo
 I'm a do it acapella, yeah

 Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 I'm a do it acapella, yeah

[Verse 2:]
 Out on our first date, he took me gourmet
 We hit that Olive Garden, my Little Italy
 Daddy always said, "Let the gentleman pay.
 Never ever go Dutch at the buffet."
 I saw his bad intention, he didn't wanna talk
 He put the saucy on it (Oops!) time to check my watch
 Daddy always said, "Money can't buy class.
 You don't wanna get stuck takin' out trash."

Good paternal advice.

 

[Pre-Chorus:]
 Ooh, and yeah I guess it wasn't meant to be
 Because he didn't do jack for me
 I want a bean with the beanstalk
 And if the magic ain't right, time to walk

[Chorus:]
 Used to be your baby, used to be your lady
 Thought you were the perfect lover
 All the harmony went fallin' out of key, so
 Now you gotta find another
 Now you're talkin' crazy sayin' that you made me
 Like I was your Cinderella
 You and me are through though, watch me hit it solo
 I'm a do it acapella

[Bridge:]
 Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 I'm a do it acapella
 Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

 Watch me do it in falsetto
 Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

That isn't even falsetto! Falsetto is a different singing technique that sounds higher! That does not mean you don't have back up music! I know pop often degrades music, but now they are freaking misusing musical terms. wrongness.


 Never mind, bring the beat back

This just sounds like the part that you get rid of when Karmin messed up while recording.

 

[Chorus:]
 Used to be your baby, used to be your lady
 Thought you were the perfect lover
 All the harmony went fallin' out of key, so
 Now you gotta find another
 Now you're talkin' crazy sayin' that you made me
 Like I was your Cinderella
 You and me are through though, watch me hit it solo
 I'm a do it acapella
 Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 I'm a do it acapella, yeah

 

There is no way you can defend this song! It is horrible, terrible, no good, and very bad. Just wrongness.

 

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