Never Be

Claudia had a simple life in Sydney Australia.

She spent her days wondering what her future will hold with her 4 best friends.

She has dreams, they have dreams... but do happy endings exist?

This is the REAL world.

She has conflicting feelings about one boy in particular, but to him, they are just friends.

But with hope can a friendship grow into something more?

Read to find out!

(5sos not famous)


24. Just Like a Pill

February 15, 2011


Claudia's POV


I woke up at noon. I felt a bit uneasy.

I had a weird dream where I was sitting in my old History class.


The bell rang ending class and I was cleaning up my books. I left the class and saw some girl leaning on my locker.

I walked up to her confused and a random dude moved giving me a better look. Ashton was pretty much on top of her.

They were kissing, no, making out.

On my locker!

I screamed his name but everything faded to black.

"Why does it have to be that the one person that I love doesn't love me back?"

*End of Dream*

I walked downstairs to be greeted by my mum.

"Mornin' sleepy head! Baby, are you feeling alright? You look paler than usual."

"Ya, just a bad dream, it's nothing." I smiled to reassure her.

I sat and ate some breakfast and decided to take advantage of the nice weather today and go for a run, maybe it will clear my mind too, and I needed exercise bad.

I went upstairs and decided against a shower since I would get all sweaty anyways.

I put on a workout tee, and runners leggings. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and did my favorite, a thick winged liner and mascara. I learned how to do my liner from watching my Auntie Rena do it every morning when we would visit her in the summer. I missed her so bad. I put on a simple cherry flavored chap stick and tied my hair back. I remembered to grab my phone and earbuds before I left.

"Bye mum! I'm going out for a run! I'll be back in a few hours!"

I began my jog and decided to go to the nearby park and take a run on the track. I was close to the park when I saw two people's backs facing me while sitting on the bench. The couple leaned in and kissed.

I felt uneasy again as it reminded me of my dream.

I continued my jog and had to take another look at them.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart skipped a beat. I stopped dead in my tracks heavily breathing.


The boy on the bench was Ashton.

My eyes began to water as they broke from their kiss. He stared into her eyes lovingly.

A warm tear fell down my cheek. I felt my heart shatter.

It was my first heartbreak.

I realized where I was and I didn't want him to see me. I started running the fastest I have ever ran.

I went to an empty field and went into a dry lonely forest. 

I walked around trees and stepped over stones.

I was already familiar with this forest, the boys and I used to swim in the stream here.

I saw the old stream and ran to it. 

I was then on my hands and knees sobbing, staring at my refection, which was often rippled from my tears dripping into the water.

I walked over to the old big flat rock and lied on it like a bed.

I screamed to the heavens.

"Why?! Now I know, I know. I love Ashton. I want him. I want to spend the rest of my life until my last breath with him! I want to have him and only him! I loved him since the day I could talk! He doesn't love me. I'm just another friend. He loves her!"

I cried some more.

"Of course he loves her. She's blonde, skinny, green eyes. Beautiful. All the things I'm not."


Why didn't I realize sooner? I was blinded by my own love for him, unable to see I wanted to be more than friends. My heart wanted him, my brain fucked me up and didn't let me have the feeling. Although my heart won, it won a little too late.

Who was this girl? I've never seen her before.

How long has he been with her?

Who is this satanic bitch that stole my one true love?!

It sounds so wrong to say he is my love, but he is my best friend and I would do anything for him. I knew him all my life. he was the one I felt most at home with, even if I was miles away from home. He was the light in my darkness. He was my pill, made me feel numb to stay oblivious to the world and its evil.

But now, I have seen its evil. 

There is bad people at every corner. Giving trouble. There is constant suffering, heart break and tears. He was my shield from it all.

I love him.

They say, "If you love him, let him go. If he loves you, he will come back."

I needed to leave him with her. If she makes him happy, I'm happy.


I began screaming lyrics, knowing no one could hear.

"I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me

I think I took too much

I'm crying here, what have you done?

I thought it would be fun...

I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just fast as I can 

to the middle of nowhere 

To the middle of my frustrated fears

and I swear you're just like a pill

instead of makin' me better,

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill."

(P!nk, Just Like a Pill)


I fell in a dreamless, hopeless sleep, not caring if I were to be found dead lying on a rock in the middle of a forest.


*  *  *


I woke up to the sound of water and had a moment of shock until I realized that I just fell asleep on my special rock.

I checked the time on my phone and it was approaching 4:00, I slept for two hours. 

I began a slow walk home, and saw that they had left the bench of evil and heartbreak.


I finally got home and showered away my thoughts and sat with my parents for dinner trying to forget today's events.

I went to my room around 9 after a movie and I didn't bother to scroll through social media and thought I deserved a good full night's sleep.

I drifted into a deep sleep, not before whimpering his name and letting a single tear slip.

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