Fuck You, Luke

It wasn’t like Michael actually hated Luke. More like the opposite to be honest. Or at least most of him did. That little part inside of him, which had a tendency of peeking out, whenever Luke did something cute, something funny or even something stupid, didn’t feel exactly like he did. It wanted Luke oh so very badly, but Michael knew that, that could never happen. Hell. Michael knew that he could never have Luke in any way. They were bandmates, nothing more.

In which Michael has a demon inside him, that desires Luke more than good probably is.

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5. Chapter 5

Michael sat on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. He were in so much doubt at that very moment. Was it the right thing to do? Did he really have to let Luke know? Did he have to do it that way? The questions were many and he couldn’t get them to stop moving around inside of his mind.

Luke were moving behind him, and Michael were so sure that he was going to leave, that he jumped in surprise when Luke’s hand instead landed gently on his arm. Michael found the blonde sitting right next to him, in a matter of seconds, with the hand still on his arm.

“Mikey?” Luke muttered, looking over at Michael, with wonder in his eyes.

“Just leave, if you want to leave. You know, I’d understand it if you did.” Michael said and refused to look into Luke’s eyes. He couldn’t handle the rejection he expected to find in the blonde’s gaze.

“I don’t want to leave.” Luke proclaimed and Michael were so shocked, he looked over at Luke, even though he’d promised himself he wouldn’t.

“What do you mean? Luke I’m not healthy. I’m not normal.” Michael tried and he couldn’t help but feel so very sad when he said those words.

“Michael.” Luke started and put a hand to Michael’s cheek. “No. You’re not normal, okay? But who the hell is, and who the hell wants to?” He continued and took a breath in, before he spoke again. “Michael you are special. I don’t want some boring normal person. I don’t want any person, but you.” Luke finished, and he knew that all of his words came from his heart, even if he didn’t understand the thing that Michael was struggling with.

“Luke, you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want me. You don’t even know what I really am. Who I really am.” Michael said and turned his face away, so Luke’s hands slid off his cheek.

“Then help me to know.” Luke pleaded with his eyes still fixed on Michael. He wasn’t going to let this go. He finally felt like he might actually have a chance of having Michael, and he wasn’t going to blow it, by giving up.

“It’s not so simple.” Michael tried. He’d never explained this to anyone before. He’d just tried to hide it away and suppress it, but it only seemed to get worse. The only time he felt like he was gaining back some of the control, have been when he’d been with Luke.  He didn’t want it to end, but he didn’t know how to make it work either.

“Mikey, please. I have to know!” Luke said to him. “I don’t want to waste this. I don’t want to lose whatever it is that we have.” Luke added, and he just really hope Michael would care enough to try and explain himself.

“Luke.” Michael whimpered when he felt the darkness come creeping and he felt it stronger than usual and he just really didn’t want to let the demon take over right now. He knew that it came because he was frustrated, because he didn’t know how to express himself, but he couldn’t let it ruin this for him.

“Hey. I’m here. Mikey, I’m right here!” Luke said and wrapped his arms around the other teen, when Luke noticed that he started shaking. “Sshhh. It’s okay, I’m right here.” He repeated.

“Luke….” Michael whined when the shaking got worse. His hands found themselves on Luke’s chest, fisting his shirt between his fingers.

“Michael.” Luke whispered and even though Michael were shaking so bad, the voice sounded as loud as had it been a shout. “Let it out. Give it space.” He said. Somehow he just felt like that would be the right thing to do.

“Luke, no. I don’t want-“ Michael tried but then flinched like his stomach were going into cramps.

“Michael! Do as I say!” Luke said a little louder this time, his voice as firm as he possibly could make it, as he tried to make the other teen obey.

“I’m sorry..” Michael whined before the grip loosed in Luke’s shirt and he slowly looked up and faced Luke; his eyes pitch black. “Now you’re mine.” Growled the demon from Michael’s throat.

Michael’s hands were still on Luke’s chest and when Luke felt the pressure from them, he let himself fall back on the bed. “You’ll thank me later.” Said the voice and soon Luke’s lips were covered with Michael’s and Michael were hovering above him, touching him whenever and wherever possible and his entire world kept spinning around and around.

Xxx

Michael were on his back on the bed and Luke were curled up to him, head on his chest. Their clothes were sprawled across the floor and a duvet were sloppily draped over the two of them, just in case Ashton or Calum would walk in. Michaels arm were wrapped around Luke and he were tracing symbol’s onto Luke’s naked back.

“I’ve never really tried to explain this before.” Michael said in a raw voice, but he was calm and the demon seemed like it was nowhere to be found.

 “Michael.” Luke sighed, but Michael was determined, that it was time to explain and he was going to try, even if he didn’t really know how to put it into words.

“I’m not really sure, as to how I’m going to explain it, but- I’m going to try, and when I do; I hope you’ll still want to stay.” Michael started. He then took in a deep breath, and started his explanation. “I don’t know exactly when it started, because it’s been there as long as I remember. But it’s this.. Darkness inside of me that. Well I don’t really know. It sort of takes over, whenever I get angry or frustrated. Or well.. When you make me..” He gulped but then picked up. “I don’t know how or why, but it’s set it’s mind on you and it want you. Not I don’t want you, it’s not like that’s the only reason for me to want you, I mean-“ He started rambling, and Luke patted him lightly on the cheek.

“Michael. You’re rambling.” Luke smiled and Michael blushed hard.

“I’m sorry.” Michael muttered but then tried to explain the rest of his struggles. “Well anyway. I’ve tried to conceal it and push it away, but it just keeps getting stronger and stronger. That’s why I couldn’t contain myself that day at the photoshoot and the following interview. That’s why I couldn’t keep my hands off of you, that first day in your room. I didn’t plan for it to happen that way, but I just couldn’t hold it back.”

“And what about now?” Luke asked in a low voice.

“I’m not sure.” Michael said, slightly hesitating. “I mean somehow it’s like I feel a little bit of control when we’re together and a little while after, but I don’t like, not being able to actually be there when it happens, because the darkness takes over.” Michael sighed and kissed the top op Luke’s head.

“Maybe you just need to give it space? Maybe you’ll be able to find some sort of settlement with this.. darkness.. if you give it some of what it wants?” Luke tried and Michael suddenly knew he might be right.

“I just wish I could just be me, and have you all to myself.” Michael sighed.

“Maybe you are.” Luke said with wonder in his voice. “This darkness is no doubt a part of you. Maybe you and it, just have to become one?” wonder still present in his voice. “Maybe that’s what happens when you give in? You mush a little bit more together every time.” He suggested.

“Yea, but why does it keep coming back full force a bit later, then?” Michael tried, because he really didn’t want to accept that he might have to become one with this.. thing.

“Maybe it breaks apart again, because you keep denying it, what it wants?” Said Luke.

“Maybe.” Michael sighed.

“Yeah. Maybe.” Luke agreed, but then yawned and closed his eyes, snuggled a little closer to Michael and then fell asleep.

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