Fuck You, Luke

It wasn’t like Michael actually hated Luke. More like the opposite to be honest. Or at least most of him did. That little part inside of him, which had a tendency of peeking out, whenever Luke did something cute, something funny or even something stupid, didn’t feel exactly like he did. It wanted Luke oh so very badly, but Michael knew that, that could never happen. Hell. Michael knew that he could never have Luke in any way. They were bandmates, nothing more.

In which Michael has a demon inside him, that desires Luke more than good probably is.

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1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t like Michael actually hated Luke. More like the opposite to be honest. Or at least most of him did. That little part inside of him, which had a tendency of peeking out, whenever Luke did something cute, something funny or even something stupid, didn’t feel exactly like he did. It wanted Luke oh so very badly, but Michael knew that, that could never happen. Hell. Michael knew that he could never have Luke in any way. They were bandmates, and at the moment they were touring with one direction, and seriously; he was fooling himself if he thought Luke felt the same way about him. Even if Luke did, being in a band with already a lot of fans, made it a complete no go, for them to be together. If Luke felt the same way, which Michael were sure he didn’t. Firstly because, well, Luke was straight. Secondly because Michael kept pushing him away. As the things were right now, they weren’t even friends, because the only way Michael knew how to shut up the voice inside his head, was making Luke stop whatever he was doing, that made the raspy voice appear in his head and the darkness start crowding his eyes. It was the only way he knew to stop it; and to stop Luke, he could do nothing but be rude. Told him to shut up, interrupted him when he spoke or did something, flipped him off and sometimes he even punched him. Not really hard, but hard enough for him to see the hurt in his eyes and the darkness crept away. It didn’t like to see Luke hurt, because that’s not what it wanted. It wanted sexy, cute, badass Luke.

“Hey Mikey! It’s time.” Calum exclaimed and pulled Michael back to the present, from his thoughts. They had a concert tonight, and after Michael had gotten ready, he’d sat there and slumbered into his own world, only surrounded by his own thoughts.

“I’m coming.” Michael sing-songed back. Normally he was a pretty nice and decent guy. He just couldn’t help it when it came to Luke? Calum on the other hand was his friend. They had this friendship that none of the others quite got. Not Luke, not Ashton, and not the guys from one direction. They didn’t get the way him and Calum acted extremely gay around each other; maybe because Calum was the only one who knew Michael was gay? He knew and he didn’t care. It was really great.

“Hurry!” Calum said and poked Michael in the side when the two were now walking side by side. Michael slung his arm around Calum’s shoulder, after fighting off his poking fingers, and smiled at his best friend; feeling his arm sneaking around his waist.

Xxx

“It was so great!” Ashton said when they got off stage. “Best show ever!” He added and the other boys agreed.

“It was so awesome!” Luke laughed and probably before he’d thought it through, he turned towards Michael with a grin on his face. “Your guitar solo was sick!”  He grinned.

“I was great, wasn’t I?” Michael Joked back, in his best I’m-the-man voice.

“It was crazy, man!” Luke said and reached out to touch Michael’s arm; nothing special or wild, just a light touch.

The high from being on stage were clear in each and every single feature of Luke’s and Michael felt something dark creeping in to his sight and the raspy voice whispered in his head. We could just take him, right now. Just grab his wrist and pull him down on the ground. Michael shook his head as he swatted Luke’s hand away and felt his eye twitch as his vision got darker. It would be easy. Sexy- “Shut up, Luke. Don’t touch me.” Michael hissed and turned away from Luke, when the blonde suddenly looked like a scared deer.

“I’m sorry.” Luke whimpered and Michael felt the hurt in the younger boys voice, as a physical pain in his chest. At the same time he felt Calum’s gaze burning at the back of his head and he more felt than saw Ashton putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder.

“I’m going to sleep.” Michael whistled and left the others, to return to his and Calum’s hotel room for the night.

It didn’t take long before the door opened to the room and even though Michael knew that it was Calum, Michael pretended to be asleep. He knew that it was Calum, A because he was the only one with a key, and B because he knew Calum’s way of entering a room.

“Mikey?” Calum whispered and made his way to Michael’s bed, where he sat down on the edge of it. “You’re not asleep, I know you. You never fall asleep that fast.” Calum said after a little while of silence. The brunette put a hand on Michael’s head and caressed his friend’s hair, when said boy curled up even further.

“I don’t know what happened.” Michael said under his breath; only just loud enough for Calum to hear. I know what happened. Said the voice inside his head and he squeezed his eyes closed even harder, when he felt them burn slightly.

“Mikey, I’m not blaming you.” Calum hushed, to make his friend feel better. He knew what was going on with Michael, even though the younger boy didn’t know, that Calum knew.

Well you should, shouldn’t you!?” The Demon’s voice sounded, but this time it came out of his mouth. Michael hadn’t noticed it coming, with his eyes shot, he didn’t see the darkness reaching his vision.

“I don’t feel like I should.” Calum said. He’d flinched at Michael’s outburst, but he didn’t move. He stayed right there, next to his friend, who were curled up on the bed, still wearing his sweaty clothes from the concert.

“I’m sorry Cal.” Michael said and sat up. He looked at Calum and he knew he’d gained control again. The control that he had to maintain, if he wanted his life to be normal. Or well as normal as it could be, in a band who were already having quite a lot of fans.

“It’s fine, Michael.” Calum assured him and opened his arms so the other boy could curl up to him. “Don’t worry, I’m here.” Calum added.

“I just can’t help it, you know? It’s not like I want to be rude, I just.. It just happens.” Michael tried to explain and for a moment, he even believed his own lie. It didn’t just happen. He was being rude on purpose, even if he didn’t want to.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Calum suddenly asked bluntly, before even thinking about what he said.

“You can’t tell him!” Michael yelped, pulled away harshly and stared at Calum with a horrified look on his face. “You can’t tell him, Calum! You can’t tell anyone!” Michael felt the tears starting to fill his eyes and he blinked a few times to get them away.

“I’m not going to tell anyone, Mikey.” Calum once again assured his friend and watched how Michael started to calm down again. “You know me, I’d never do anything you wouldn’t want me to do.” He said and Michael nodded. He knew. And now Calum knew how he felt about Luke. “Just one question though-“

“Yes?” Michael asked and rested his head on Calum’s shoulder.

“Why do you keep pushing him away?” Calum asked. “You’ve done it even since- I don’t even remember when it started.” He added and Michael blushed a little; mostly because he felt ashamed of the way he treated Luke.

“Because it would never work.” Michael said and this wasn’t entirely a lie. It was the reason why he tried so hard to keep the demon inside him checkmate.

“You don’t know that-“ Calum started, but Michael cut him off.

“I do. It will never work, Cal. Luke’s straight.” Michael said to him and he was happy to feel that his voice were steady, even though it hurt him to say.

“Have you ever asked if his straight?” Calum asked his friend.

“No.” Michael answered but then took a deep breath and straightened his back. “We should go to sleep, we getting up early tomorrow.” Michael smiled at Calum.

“Yeah. Early for you!” Calum grinned and pushed Michael lightly on the arm.

Xxx

The four boys were on their way to the next destination of the tour. They were in one bus, while one direction were in another. It was hot outside and obviously also rather hot inside the bus. Calum were per usual the first to take of some clothe. He’d taken of his shirt and none of the others cared, really.

“Michael aren’t you sweating?” Ashton asked him, when he’d joined Calum in the shirtless club.

“Sort of? But it’s not that bad.” Michael answered, from his seat.

“Come on, take of your shirt. Let’s have a nude party!” Ashton said, laughing and Calum laughed with him as he rose his arms up over his head and fist pumped, pretending to party hard.

“You know, it can’t really be a nude party, if we’re all still wearing pants. Which we are.” Michael stated and furrowed his eyebrow; though a smile were playing around his lips.

“Take off your shirt!” Calum demanded with laughter still in his voice, Michael sighed, held his hands up in defeat and obeyed.

When he’d gotten out of his shit and thrown it in the face of Calum, who were sitting right next to Luke, his eyes fell on the boy he’d hurt so many times. Luke looked at him too and pulled his lower lip into his mouth, biting it gently and Michael couldn’t help looking at his lips and the darn lip ring. That should be my teeth. My tongue flicking out and playing with that piercing. Michael looked away quickly and turned his face to the ground. Once again he felt the familiar darkness come creeping. Let me have him. Just once. Just this one time. Michael clearly heard the lust in the voice in his head. In the words it said.

“Fuck off, Luke.” Michael mumbled. “Could you go somewhere else and play with that stupid lip ring of yours?” Michael added, knowing it would hurt the other, but as he’d known, the darkness started moving away again.

Luke didn’t answer but just got up and walked to the other end of the bus, where the bunks were placed, letting the curtain fall down behind, so the others couldn’t see him.

Back in the part of the bus Luke had just left, silence settled for a moment. Ashton looked at Michael with a bothered expression on his face. Calum on the other hand, sighed and shook his head lightly. He knew what was happening. He’d heard about it before and he saw the slight hint of black all the way around Michael’s eyes, whenever Luke did something the demon liked.

“You guys should really try to get along, if this band needs to work out.” Ashton sighed. It was clear that Ashton felt sorry for Luke, and with good reason, Michael knew that.

“It’ll be better, Ash.” Calum said to the drummer. “They just need to sort things out on their own.” He added and went to sit down next to Michael, putting a hand on his thigh. “Things aren’t easy for Michael either, you know.”

“Calum! You promised!” Michael shrieked and looked at his best friend in disbelief.

“I’m just saying it’s not easy, after what he put you through as a kid.” Calum lied and Michael realized it’d been Calum’s plan all along, to lie. He was going to lie, so Ashton would lie off his case and stop nagging him about being friends with Luke.

“Calum!” Michael played along and Ashton looked at them, with an expression, telling them to just tell him instead of hiding what Luke did.

“Sorry, Ash.” Calum excused. “I promised not to say anything. Actually I promised Luke too. Please don’t tell him I said anything, it’ll hurt him.” Calum pleaded and Ashton nodded in agreement. He didn’t want to hurt Luke any further.

“I won’t say anyting.” Ashton agreed.

“I’ll go check on Luke.” Calum said and rose. He was after all Luke’s friend too. “I’ll make sure he’s okay.” He assured Ashton, but in all secretiveness he were also assuring Michael about that.

Xxx

“He’d taken his lip ring out because of you, Michael!” Calum said to his friend, when they were later sitting alone together. “He’d taken it out, because you said it was stupid.” Calum added and he could literally see Michael hurting over it. Luke loved that ring, he knew that.

“I didn’t mean it like that, it just-“ Michael tried. “It frustrates me that he can sit there and be so darn cute and I can’t do anything about it!” Michael explained himself. He hadn’t said it to make Luke take out the ring, he hadn’t said it, because he didn’t like it. He’d said it, because he liked it. He liked it far too much.

“He did it for you, Michael. Do you understand?” Calum said as he put his hands on Michael’s shoulders and shook him back and forth.

“He probably just wanted to stop my stupid comments.” Michael sighed and rested his chin in his hands.

“You’re impossible!” Calum said and shook his head. “Yes, he wanted to stop you comments, but- Michael are you really that blind?” The bassist sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe that Michael didn’t understand what he said.

“Apparently I am?” Michael whimpered and dragged a hand through his hair and let his hand rest on his neck. “Now would you tell me what it is I’m apparently oh s oblivious to?” He asked even though he had an idea as to what Calum was going to say.

“Michael.” Calum started and smiled softly at the guitarist. “He wants you, just as badly as you want him, you fool.” A light laughter bubbled under Calum’s words and he really hoped Michael would believe him, so this rudeness might stop.

“You’re wrong.” Michael said after a little while of silence. 

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