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Would it be pretentious not to write an about?

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1. Untitled

I say goodbye to the city

put my head between my thighs

try and keep the noises out

try and hide

the redness in my eye

luring in the corner

begging for me to shed a tear

 

Darling, you see it, do you not?

 

I say goodbye to the liquor store

hope they don't go bankrupt

and I'll miss the last sip before bedtime

and the first drag at dawn

 

I say goodbye to my childhood home

where I brought home my first love

where my dad and I fought because I was too young to give my heart away

where he broke it the next day

 

I say goodbye to the graveyard

the only place I could say

I felt more dead than alive

and feel guilty instead of poetic

and I grew among those more experienced than me

and taught those, who didn't get that far

perhaps I never knew them

and could only imagine their wisdom

but somehow just that was enough to keep me going

 

I say goodbye to my mother

I think I never gave her credit

I think I still don't give her

for trying as hard as she could

to be the best mother she could

even when the doctor gave her pills to help her go to work

though she still fell into the couch as soon as she got home

though I still can't help but feel betrayed

when she starts crying out of sheer worry

when my brother gets home a little past 10 in the evening

but leaves her phone off

when I'm drunk and lost in my mind

and need a lift

because my hair is full of puke and that boy tried making me do things

I didn't want to

 

and she tells me I'm responsible and mature, but mom

isn't it a little too soon to stop taking care of your daughter?

 

dad said it best;"You're very smart, kid, but yet still just a kid"

 

I say goodbye to my bed

how I have clung to you

can't be normal

but can you blame me?

I thank you for putting up with the tears

the sweat

loud movies

and loud songs

I apologize for not giving you space 

but I needed you so

and didn't know where else to go

 

I say goodbye to my first love

and I thank him for loving me

though I didn't understand why

don't understand why

because how could perfection fall for the disaster?

I suppose it's true opposites meet

and fall in love

and it's true you never forget your first love

but it's been a few years

and it's about time I stop loving you

and the boy next door deserves to find the girl next door

even though I find it slightly entertaining that we used to neighbors

 

I say goodbye to the night

and I thank you for keeping me company

when I was all alone and didn't know where to turn

and as cliche as I can be

I quite enjoyed your stars

and I should put some time aside

to say goodbye to those especially

I always liked the night better than the day

Perhaps because the darkness was familiar

or maybe just because I sometimes had trouble sleeping

when life came rushing at me at a hundred miles per hour

but I suppose there's nothing you can't get used to

learn to enjoy

 

I say goodbye to myself

and I apologize for being so hard on you

in the end I tried to be kind to you

but I know it wasn't enough

and I know I used to hate you

and call you the meanest things

but darling, you're not all the rough words

trust me, you're more than what you think you see in the mirror 

don't jump out the window

don't eat too many pills

the headache will stick either way

 

and staying in will feel good

but make it all worse

I promise

 

I hope you learn to recognize your kindness

but I have to say goodbye

because I've simply had enough 

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