Sometimes life is not what we expect and for me it was always impredectible.
For me I lost my identity while finding love and when I did find love it was like a fairy tale that never comes true. But, when he stepped into my life again he made me realize who I was. Me, I AM GARDANIA.


1. Chapter 1

ME, Well. What can I say for myself?. I was what you may call a flower child or a nature child. Always lived in or near nature.

Well that’s a way of saying that since my birth I have lived in Portland, Oregon.

Well you might say Oregon is a place for nature lovers but me and my family we live in a place far away from the people.

I will tell you all my story, my way and I will try not to make myself a hero and tell you all about me. The good, the bad and the ugly.

So I’ll start now and shut the babbling.

I’ll start from the beginning.

Hi, I am Gardania  and currently I am 29 years old. I know it’s a little young to write a autobiography kind of book. But in this 29 years I have experienced enough to make feel like a cranky old lady.

In short my life went from  Heaven to Hell to wonderful Heaven .


Well, it all started when I was 6 years old or at least that’s how far I remember.

We lived in this beautiful house in Portland, Oregon.

Some might say it is normal nothing to great but for me it was like living in a fairy tale. Huge house, birds chirping in the morning, a beautiful sunset and sunrise. We were literally in the middle of a beautiful lake. Through it might soud unbelievable we even had a little fountain in the middle of our house with some small japenese tress and it was veiled all over and filled with the most beautiful floweres that I had ever seen and like my mother said they are the last beautiful flowers that you will ever see and our house it was open for everyone and not just people but animals too.

It was altogether my own personal Heaven.

My family owned a few farms and stuff and the were the biggest, the hippiest and the most cheesiest person that I ever met. Well there was no stopping them. They simply called it Love. At the age of six I didn’t know what love was and thought

Seriously, you guys need a break.  You are going crazy.

Well, made a face and went away to school.





I liked it. Most people thought me as crazy for even saying that. I simply replied it is the place were where I can find my self again and again and again.

I saw my face in those canvas, in those beautiful lights and well anything else that could reflect my face.

But mostly why I loved school it was because of my best friends.

John and Nicole.

Nicest last person that you’ll ever meet.

And we were all like super chessy together now that I look back upon time.

We did everything together and literally everything. We ate together, we played together, we went to school together, did homework together, we even bathed in the lake together.

With clothes. Damn you people are nasty.

Both of them couldn’t keep up with me when we were in the lake. I don’t want to brag but in water I was damn good. They even started to call me mermaid which was a kind of annoying. But after a while it was fine by me.

I’ll describe both of them as well as I can.

First, Nicole she was tall even at the age of six she was higher than 4ft 3 inches. While me and john were barely 4ft. She had that nice, exotic red hair it looked damn good when the sun was shinning on them and I knew from the start that one day she would grow into one hell of a beautiful lady. She even had those twinkling green eyes and she used them properly sometimes they were the most cutest eyes I have ever seen and sometimes they were unnerving and kind of creepy too. She was always fascinated from the start by shine objects and would collect anything that was reflected and she would proudly say

‘’ One day, Gardania I would be the owner of the biggest diamond company ever and I would make these beautiful necklaces for you. You’ll come to me won’t you? To ask for jewels? Don’t you dare go to anybody but me to make jewels for me. In your wedding your be less of a bride but more of a diamond model.’’

‘’ I don’t know Nicole. Wedding just doesn’t appeal to me.’’

‘’What? But you gotta marry someday.’’

‘’ I’ll rather sit at home eat ice cream and enjoy myself rather then get married to someone and look after kids.’’

‘’ But-‘’ john cut her mid-sentence.

‘’Could we not talk about marriage’s please. We are only seven and it’s kinda gross.’’

‘’ Something is always gross for you. John.’’

After that Nicole shut up and as for me I was thankful to john for saving me from Nicole.

Now, john. He was the one who always understood me more than anyone and I was grateful for having him in my life. He was handsome with those beautiful golden brown eyes. They were amazing. Anyone could fall in love with them. Well, alleast I did. I could stare into his eyes forever. He was my bestest best friend. He was every good in arts even at the age of 6 he would draw these amazing paintings that me and Nicole would just stare for hours.

We, we together were the troublesome trio. We were all good in something. Gifts we then shared as whole.

Me, I was good in swimming. So we would go into the deeper waters without fear of drowning. John he was good in drawing. So, he was the one how would do are homework and lastly Nicole. She was the bravest girl that I had ever seen and when we get in trouble. She was the one to stand up and speak on our behalf.


It is a love story. So, I would tell you about my first crush. It was obviously john McCabe. My best friend. I realized I was in love with him when in third grade he proposed to me.

Yes, he literally proposed me with a homemade flower ring.

I still remember it. This is how it went.

Me and Nicole were playing on the swing and hadn’t seen john for the whole day but at that time we didn’t care because at that time swing was the ride to heaven which we got after fighting for it for almost 10 people. Now, friend or not. I was not going to let go of the swing.

When suddenly out of nowhere john came and pushed me out of the swing and drag me all the way over to a place behind a wall where no one was their and surely quite the drama lover Nicole came to us.

John bent down on his kness took out a flower ring out of his pocket. It was a little crumpled but he didn’t seem to care and said 4 simple words which made Nicole grasp like hell.

‘’Will you marry me?’’

At that time I was so angry. Of course not because of the proposal but to be pushed out of the swing that I just didn’t think and slapped john on the face snatched the flower ring from his hands, threw it on the floor and stamped on it.

John did nothing but simply watched me, he said nothing but I could see his eyes tear up and he ran away from their wiping his eyes on the sleeves.

At that time I heard a sound of a crack and I knew that the person I loved is none other then john and today I have broken his heart and mine.

After that I went home crying and thinking again and again of john’s proposal. I made a decision that day if I was going to be anybody’s girl it was going to be john.

Then I went to nicole’s house took hold of her told her the plan and then we ran like hell. I was so happy. Today is the day. When my dream is going to come true.

We knocked on john’s door. Her mother opened.

‘’Well, hello you two. What brings you here today girls?’’

‘’Mrs McCabe we need to see john urgently it’s an emergency.’’ Nicole said with her serious face and tried to ran inside. But, john’s mother stopped her.

‘’ Whoa, hold your horses right there young lady. You ran like that you will be going to the hospital and not john’s room.’’

‘’Mrs McCabe you don’t understand the urgency of the matter.’’

‘’ Yeah Yeah you and your emergency. Go on. Go ran.’’ Mrs McCabe said and left us.

 Nicole grabbed my hand really hard and we dashed for the stairs.

We came to a stop in front of john’s room. Nicole was about to knock but I held her hand back.

‘’ What are you doing.’’

‘’ Nicole, he probably hates me now. Is is a good idea. I am sure he won’t even open the door when he sees me.’’

‘’oh, stop  your babbling you old buffoon. Of course it is a good idea. Here you stand behind me so he doesn’t sees you.’’

I did what Nicole told me. Then she knocked on the door and I held my breath. After a few moments john finally opened the door and let Nicole in and behind her me.

‘’Nicole, what are you doing here? I am really not in a mood to play.’’he said not even looking at us.

‘’I know john, today was kind of a rough day for you. So, I brought something to cheer you up.’’ And with that she signaled me to come out from behind her.  

At that time I was embarrassed I was not even able to look at him. I continued to look down with my hands clutched tight together and they were turning white and all the colour was rushing into my cheeks.

I reckoned he was angry because he pushed me hard. I fell down with a thud and he was about o push me again when I took out something out of my pocket that made him stop in his tracks.

‘’ Yes, I will marry you. John. I love you and  I kind of have a crush on you since we were 5.’’ I didn’t mean to say it but it all came flooding out. Even now, I was so scared that I didn’t open my eyes. Until I felt a pair of hands helping me up to stand up.

‘’ Here, give me your hand.’’ He said with his ever so sweet voice and I gave him my hand and he so softly slid the flower ring into my hand, stood up and hugged me.

At that time we were interrupted by a sobbing sound and we both looked at Nicole who was crying and wiping her eyes on her shirt sleeves.

‘’ Nicole, are you crazy? Why the hell are you crying?’’ we both asked at the same time.

‘’ Oh, it’s just tears of happiness. I can’t believe you two got married. Now you gonna leave and live alone in your own house.’’ She said with a sloppy smile.

‘’ Nicole we are just 7 we are not gonna leave you and we sure as hell not gonna leave in our own house.’’ I said as a matter of fact.

‘’ Oh, yeah then just a little mascara went in my eyes that’s why I am crying.’’

At that john cleared his throat and said.

‘’Nicole you don’t wear mascara.’’

‘’ What the hell is wrong with you guys. What are you FBI? Do I need a reason to cry at your wedding. Gosh you guys  think you are impeccable.’’

‘’ Okay, sorry.’’ I said.

‘’Sorry, my ass. What are you guys are waiting for? Kiss stupids kiss.’’

Me and john both looked at each other made a face and said together.


And with that we both ran away. Leaving Nicole with her mouth hanging open.












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