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In this Seth MacFarlane cartoon adaption of 'Toy Story 2', Woody (Glenn Quagmire) is kidnapped by Al McWhiggin (Adam West) and Buzz Lightyear (Cleveland Brown) and his friends organizes a rescue mission.
But will Buzz and his team find their missing friend? And will Woody ever want to go back, with the stake of his new friends at risk of going back into storage?

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8. Evil Emperor Zurg

Sheriff Woody was feeling very depressed. He had just given up his chance to be with Andy and all of his friends again.
   “Good going, Woody,” said Stinky Pete. “I thought those poor, filthy weirdoes would never leave.”
   But Woody wasn’t listening to him. His attention was focused on the TV showing an episode of Woody’s Roundup. He sat down on a roll of duct tape and watched the episode.
   On the TV, the puppet Woody was standing outside the town’s saloon, looking depressed. All his friends came to him.
   “What’s up, Sheriff Woody?” asked Jessie.
   “I don’t think I’m a good role model,” said Woody. “I know I catch robbers and make sure the town is running smoother than a baby’s ass. But I feel bad for drinking and cheating on a lot of women.”
   “Well, nobody is perfect,” said Jessie.
   “Yeah, little children look up to you for the good things,” said Stinky Pete, “and they will forgive and forget your flaws.”
   “People will also forgive for all the accidents I do all because I’m your horse,” said Bullseye. “And I don’t mean breaking the gates or stepping on dead people from a massacre.”
   The real-life Sheriff Woody doll couldn’t believe what he saw. “I can’t believe I came from this show. I don’t want recognition for this.” He got up and headed for the air vent. “Buzz! Buzz!”
   “Where are you going?” asked Stinky Pete.
   “You’re right, Prospector,” said Woody. “I can’t stop Andy from growing up, but I wanna cock up his childhood the way this TV show cocked up mine.”
   The cowboy doll ran to the air vent and opened the grid. “BUZZ!” he cried.
   “Yes?” said both Andy’s Buzz and Utility Belt Buzz.
   “I’m coming with you!” Woody exclaimed happily.
   “Way to go, cowboy!” smiled Andy’s Buzz. All the other toys cheered.
   “Wait! I’ll be back in just a second!” Woody ran back to his roundup gang. “Hey, you guys, come with me. Andy will play with all of us, I promise.”
   Jessie looked unsure about the idea. “Woody, it’s a very tempting offer, but – ” She sighed. “I – I don’t know.”
   “I know you’re still thinking about Emily, Jessie,” said Woody, “but I’m sure you being played with other kids is what she would have wanted. I mean, why would she put you in that donation box?” Then he turned to Bullseye. “What do you say, Bullseye?”
   “I don’t know,” the horse said. “I don’t even remember my owner. I don’t even remember if I did have an owner.”
   Woody went to Stinky Pete’s box. “So, Prospector, what do you say?” It was back to front, so he turned it around but saw no prospector in it.
   Then a clang came from the air grid.
   “You’re outta your box!” Woody exclaimed.
   The young cowboy doll was right. Stinky Pete was out of his box and screwing the screws of the air vent grid tightly.
   “I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures,” said Stinky Pete. “However, I do owe you one. Never realise being outta that box does you good.”
   He turned the TV off by pressing the remote with his pick.
   “It was you who turned the TV off, wasn’t it?” snapped Woody.
   “And you framed me?” Jessie was very angry. “Sweet Whitney Houston, Prospector! This isn’t fair.”
   “Well, if life was fair, why would I be sitting on my ass on a dime-store shelf watching every toy being sold?” asked Stinky Pete. “Well, I say who needs children? They are smelly, disgusting, selfish, and ugly! If you were around when Andy was in diapers, Woody, didn’t the whole place stink up?”
   “Well, he did, but – ”
   “Well, we don’t have to worry about that now,” went on Stinky Pete. “We can just sit in clean glass cases all of lives and not worry about getting germs or illnesses or diseases.”
   The other toys just looked at him.
   “Well,” he went on, “we’re all going to this museum and no hand-me-down cowboy bastard or bitch doll is gonna mess it up for me now!”
   “Buzz!” Woody ran to the air vent and tried to unscrew the screws. “Buzz! It’s stuck!”
   “Don’t tell me I’ll have to use my head again!” said Rex.
   “What else can we do?” asked Slinky.
   “How about we pray?” suggested Potato Head. He tried to get down on his knees, but since he had no knees, his loose pieces fell all over the place. His two white arms crawled to each other and went together in a hand praying position.
   “Please, Oh, Lord,” said the lips of Potato Head. “Please don’t let Al take Woody.”
   Then they heard footsteps coming toward the door.
   “It’s Al!” cried Woody.
   “Where’s your messiah now, Potato Head?” Slinky chuckled. 
   One of Potato Head’s arms gave him a middle finger.
   The Roundup Gang went limp as Al came in.
   “Look at the time!” the toy napper cried. “I’m gonna be late! And all because of that queue at the MacDonald’s Drive Thru! Now, let’s see if I’ve got everything. Wallet. Keys. Passport. A huge bag of Lays potato chips. My complete Batman DVD collection. Shower.” He sniffed himself. “Oh, let’s skip the shower! I’ve got to get out of here now!” He put the roundup gang in his green suitcase and headed out of the door.

 


The toys in the air vent had watched the whole thing.
   “Quick! To the elevator!” ordered Andy’s Buzz. They all ran to the elevator. They were just in time to see the elevator come up. But the top wasn’t clear.
   “So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time,” said the figure.
   “It’s Zurg!” cried Utility Belt Buzz and Rex together.
   “Look out!” cried Rex. “He’s got an ion blaster!”
   Rex was not wrong! The Evil Emperor Zurg toy pulled out his ion blaster and fired at the toys. Utility Belt Buzz jumped over Zurg, landed on the elevator and fired his red laser at his face.
   Then the elevator started to go down.
   “Quick! Get on!” ordered Andy’s Buzz. He got on the cable, followed by Slinky, Hamm and Potato Head who got squashed by a falling Rex.
   “The emergency hatch!” yelled Andy’s Buzz. He and the toys went to the hatch and tried to open it.
   Rex was the only one who wasn’t helping. “But what about Buzz #2?” he asked.
   “He’s busy keeping Zurg away from our asses,” Andy’s Buzz said. “He’ll be all right.”
   Rex saw that Utility Belt Buzz was. Was spinning around by Zurg’s finger, that was! “Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!” said Zurg, as he threw him.
   “What was that in English?” asked Utility Belt Buzz.
   “I said, ‘I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate’,” replied Zurg.
   “Well, that’s fine,” said Utility Belt Buzz. “That makes a lot of – W-W-H-H-H-A-A-A-T-T-T-T does that make us?”
   “Absolutely  nothing!” answered Zurg. “Which is what you are about to become!” Zurg aimed his gun at Buzz.
   “Does the last thing in my life have to be a Spaceballs reference?” asked Utility Belt Buzz.
   “Ah, I can’t look!” cried Rex, as he turned around not wanting to watch. Little did he realise his tail pushed Zurg to the other side of the elevator and fell off!
   Rex looked down as he saw Zurg falling down in darkness. “I did it!” he cried happily. “I finally defeated Zurg! I can’t tell you how many times I tried on the video game,” he said to utility Belt Buzz, who wasn’t feeling happy for Rex.
   “Father…”

 


Meanwhile, the rest of Andy’s toys opened the elevator hatch. Hamm and Potato Head held Andy’s Buzz as he held Slinky’s back legs. Slinky stretched with his slinky to reach the green case. Luckily, Al was too impatient waiting for the lift to go down to notice the toy dog behind him.
   “Hurry up!” Al snapped. “I could’ve watched a whole episode of Fairy Odd Parents!”
   Slinky managed to reach the case, undo the clips and open the case.
   Woody saw Slinky. “Oh, it’s you, is it?” he said in an unimpressed tone.
   “Either you come with me or you go to Japan,” Slinky said. “Your choice!”
   Then the bell rang and the elevator doors opened.
   “About time, too!” snapped Al, as he began to walk out.
   Woody grabbed Slinky’s paws and was almost out, but Stinky Pete grabbed Woody and pushed Slinky away. All the dog could do was watch Stinky Pete slam Woody back into the green case.
    All the toys fell down. The doors of the building were closing behind so Potato Head quickly threw his hat to stop the doors completely closing. That gave the chance for all the toys to walk out.
   “How are we going to get him now?” asked Rex.
   “Pizza, anyone?” said Potato Head.
   The toys turned around to see a Pizza Planet truck.
   “Go! Go! Go!” ordered Buzz.
   “Well done, Potato Head, for stopping that door shutting and for pointing out the Pizza Planet truck,” Potato Head said to the others sarcastically.
   Andy’s Buzz bumped into Utility Belt Buzz. “Buzz, are you coming?” asked Andy’s Buzz.
   “No, I have a lot of catching up to do with my dad’s bro’s neph’s cous’ roommate,” said Utility Belt Buzz. He threw one of Zrug’s yellow balls and it hit his head.
   “Good throw, pal,” said Zurg. “I haven’t had this much from your relative or relatives. You know, we could start a new good vs. evil campaign called ‘Zurg and Lightyear’. What do you think?”
   “Sounds good to me,” said Utility Belt Buzz.
   Andy’s Buzz just shook his head and smiled. “Farewell,” said Andy’s Buzz, giving the other Buzz the Vulcan salute. Then he turned to Zurg, giving him the salute. “And farewell to you, my dad’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.” Then he went to join the toys at the Pizza Planet Truck.

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