existence.

"Sad stuff makes beautiful poetry, but it's not so pretty to live with." [-Merecat]
*For the Dear Diary Competition*
(I recommend anything beyond 'Tumbling Ash' for the rest is a mess of nonsense words that hold no character, no story and absently fill the page)

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101. Shocked Excitement

 

I feel like I need to have a discussion about this diary and what is to come

and what has come.

 

I was reminded of the reason why I pour my words into my blood,

down to my fingers and spill onto the keyboard to

create a somewhat poetic entry on a screen.

I do it because not only is this my therapy in some way,

but I want to let people know that they are not alone or they aren't by themselves.

 

I know I'm not the only one who wants to be swallowed by the night and never spat out,

I know I'm not the only one who wishes on death rather than breath,

I know I'm not the only one who craves pain over porcelain skin,

I know I'm not the only one who feels like a traitor through feeling happy,

I know I'm not the only one who has salt tears and violent cravings and fatal thoughts and somehow

this knowledge pushes me that small bit through those times of

pure depression

and I can find myself drying my tears and washing my skin and thanking myself that it isn't

ruined by scarlet.

 

No one in this world has experienced an emotion that has not yet been felt,

it isn't humanely possible and this fact thrills me to an incredible extent.

Every single thing you've felt,

ever single emotion that has flooded through your system,

has been shared by someone else who you will never know yet you have this small connection

just through that sudden spark you felt buried in the

depths of your gut.

 

I feel foolish for admiring such features as reads and likes and favourites but with nearly

5000 reads and being my most popular Movella,

I do wonder if people enjoy reading this?

Or connecting?

Or just trailing through entries and falling into boredom because the nonsense I spew drags eyelids

closed.

Why I received this amount I do not know but I thank everyone who has ever read

this diary with the deepest of my heart

(which I must say is a hard place to get to with all the darkness and violence in the way).

 

A wonderful person also nominated this book for a Movelly?!?

What a fantastic deed to do and honestly I felt like my heart glimmered gold instead of black for once.

Thank you dear person and as much as I am aware that receiving other nominations

will not happen,

it still makes me happier to know that some people do feel enjoyment in this and see the beauty

in these words.

 

You see this is thing that I cannot comprehend;

my words dance with darkness and discuss depression and yet

so many find blossoming beauty entwined like buds on a vine between the lines and see

that through all the swirling greys and blacks,

there are sunset colours of rose and lilac.

 

I thank those that see the beauty in my paragraphs,

that find the prettiness in my entries for I try not to fill these chapters with such things

associated with 'pretty'

however some fill it in anyway and for that I can only bless your eyes

and the good they see in such a world stained with evil.

 

-20th January 2016

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