I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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8. 7

By the time it's seven o'clock I look completely different. Laura has done my hair half up and half down and has back combed the top bit so it hides the stitches and also the part of my hair that they had to shave. Luckily you can't see it now. Maddison has done my make up to perfection and I can see why she's a make up artist. It was always her dream to be one, even when we were younger. I get changed into a long sleeved back dress that is covered in sequins, it's quite short and I keep pulling it down. According to the girls this is my favourite dress, I don't know why as I don't feel comfortable but I go with it. I put on some nude ballet pumps much to Laura's annoyance but I was never steady on my feet. There are lots of high heeled shoes in my wardrobe but I can't ever imagine that I walked in them. Flat shoes will do just fine! We sit in the kitchen and Maddison hands me a beer. I look at it and giggle like a moron

"What?" She laughs

"I don't know, I've just only ever snuck an odd sip of kens vodka. Being able to actually drink is insane" the girls look at me like I'm an alien but then laugh at my enthusiasm

"Chloe you are a party monster believe me" Laura winks at me and I grin back at her

Four beers later and at eight thirty pm I feel tipsy but not drunk. It's more of a mellow feeling, and I feel confident to go and see Michael as there's a part of me that does want to see him. I'm curious I suppose

"Cabs here you ready?" Maddison holds my shoulders and I nod confidently even though on the inside I feel like a nervous wreck. I grab my clutch bag and we make our way to the car. This is it. My memory is going to come back I know it!

We pull up at a club, it's called the ocean bar. Have I been here before? I look at the neon lights but nothing rings a bell. I know this place as Maddison and I used to go to the cafe on the opposite side of the road, but that's when I was seventeen. My nineteen year old self doesn't remember this at all. Laura links her arm with mine

"You ready to go in rock star?" She smiles

"No time like the present" I say unconvinced and they lead me inside. It's dark and lights from the stage hit off every wall. The band aren't on yet but people are gathered on the dance floor as a dj plays some music. There's about one hundred people here but it feels like a thousand. I feel enclosed in and I don't like it. Maddison goes to the bar and comes back with a Pepsi. I look at the cup disappointed

"There's vodka in it" she nudges me and I nearly down the whole thing in one. I gag a little as the vodka burns the back of my throat

"Woah slow down" Laura teases and I roll my eyes

"Can I just say the last time I remember you two was when you had braces and Maddison was going through a serious emo phase. You might remember our good times but I don't so let's make some memories"

I lift my glass and the girls cheers me

"Fair point" Maddison nods and I smile at her. I give her some money to go to the bar with and I try and find a toilet. I make my way through the crowd and follow the 'toilets this way' sign

"Excuse me" I say politely to a guy blocking the way and he turns to look at me

"Chloe?"

I look at him. He has black hair with highlights and a lazy grin. I don't know him?

"Hi, that's me?"

He frowns and his eyes scan my face

"It's me Calum" he encourages but I just stare at him trying to remember

"I don't remember? I'm sorry, I can't place you"

"So it's true? Shit. That's fucked up"

I nod in agreement as he looks over my shoulder and scans the crowd

"Excuse me I need to go, but nice to meet you again" I smile at him and make my way to the toilets. I lean against the sink and take a deep breath. It's actually easier getting through this with alcohol in my system. Outside I hear the crowd cheering and then someone says over a microphone

"We are five seconds of summer, thanks for coming"

I hear guitars and the drums and then the reality hits me that I probably have been here before, and I've probably looked into this mirror. I've probably stood here with a smile on my face, I've probably listened to this song that they are playing hundreds of times. I lean my head against the coolness of the mirror, it's too warm in here and I know on the other side of the door in that room is the boy who loved me and broke me so it seems, or from what I can gather. I apply some powder to my face and redo my lipgloss. I can do this, I can do this.

I walk out of the toilets but I don't look at the stage, I can't look just yet. Instead I find Maddison and Laura and take a large sip of vodka. There doesn't seem much Pepsi in it this time. Maybe Maddison knows I am well and truly terrified. I take a deep breath and allow myself to look at him

He has blue hair and is wearing a Metallica T-shirt and black skinny jeans. He plays the guitar confidently and he has a really good voice. What the hell did he ever see in me? I feel sadness because I don't remember

I don't remember him

But I think my body does because the butterflies are there again and I can't take my eyes off him

"Hey you ok?" Laura looks at me concerned and I manage to stop looking at him

"He's perfect, I don't think I've ever looked at a guy and thought that straight away?"

"Oh my god chloe you don't know do you?"

I look at her confused and shake my head

"What?"

"That's the first thing you ever said about him, or something like that anyway. That night we came to see him play" she encourages but I have no idea what she's talking about

I rub my temples, this is crazy! Please just give me my memories back, I would do anything to have them back. Maddison is waving at Ashton and jumping up and down. Me and Laura laugh at her enthusiasm and she flips us off. Like a true band girlfriend she's loving watching her boyfriend perform. I suppose that used to be me didn't it?

"I love you Ashton" she calls as the song comes to the end

Michael looks at Ashton and grins

Ashton looks our way and waves

Michael also looks our way

As his eyes meet mine, his smile fades and he looks shocked. He steps forward and stops. My heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest

I don't remember him at all, but I know that there's something between us. With or without my memory that's pretty obvious, and for some reason that hurts like hell

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