I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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7. 6

I'm the first one up in the house which is surprising as I can usually sleep the longest and it is a Saturday but I feel wide awake. I rummage through my bag and find my phone and charger. Mom packed them for me on the pretence I would be going to stay back home with her for a few days but here I am, at this home that I live at and I must admit I like it. That's the best nights sleep I've had in years, well I presume it is. I throw on my dressing gown and put the phone and charger into the pocket. I walk downstairs and smile when I see we have the paper delivered, I feel really grown up and between us we really do seem mature, life really has changed, another thing my mind is still trying to adjust to, the fact that I'm older. I have responsibilities now, like paying rent and bills. Oh shoot I hadn't thought of that. I need to get back to work as soon as possible to start making money. I walk into the kitchen and put my phone on charge. I flick the kettle on and notice we have coffee, maybe I like coffee now? I know I used to really hate it but a lot has changed, maybe this is another thing. I make the coffee and as soon as it's in my mouth I run over to the sink and spit it out. No, no I definitely do not like it!! I actually do hate it! I pour myself a glass of water and sit at the table looking around the kitchen. Ok now I'm bored. What is my routine like on a Saturday? Maybe I go running or to the gym? I look at my thighs, I'm not over weight although I'm not a Victoria's Secret model either. I feel my thigh, no I definitely do not go running. My phone vibrates, I walk over to the counter and lean on it as I read through multiple txt messages. Most are off my family wishing me a speedy recovery and letting me know they are thinking about me. Then I see his name

 

Mikey

 

So I called him Mikey? Well his name is Michael. I open the message

 

*so is it true? You can't remember me?*

 

I go to press reply but I don't know what to say? I don't hate him because I don't remember loving him, but then again I do feel angry that he put me in a position that made me run from him ... Straight into a road! Also because of his actions my memories have been wiped away. Maybe I should tell him to leave me alone? Maybe Maddison was right, maybe I should move forward and leave the past in the past. I delete his message and rub my head, this is so frustrating

 

"You ok?"

I turn around and Ashton is looking at me concerned. His curly hair looks dishevelled and he's wearing long shorts and a vest. He has muscular arms, he's exactly what Maddison's type used to be like

"Hmmm, just confused. I don't remember you" I say embarrassed

"It's ok, I'll help you in anyway I can if you want to talk or something?" He gestures towards the table and I sit down opposite him

"That's really kind of you. Thank you. So you're Maddison's boyfriend? Did you two get together when I met Michael?" he smiles sadly when I say that name

"Yeah it was literally a few days after. We would double date and I even helped you in the diner when Paul passed away. You and I were good friends"

"We was?"

He looks at me sadly

"Yeah, we was"

"Oh" is all I can say. And then for some reason, and one in which I can't explain I start to cry. He walks over and puts his arm around me. My seventeen year old self hasn't really had much contact with the opposite sex, other than my first kiss and holding hands with Adam so there's a part of me that wants to cower away from this strangers touch but I don't, instead I rest my head on his shoulder as I cry

"Shall I make you a tea? You like tea" he says softly and I smile whilst wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my dressing gown

"Thank you Ashton"

"No problem"

He makes the tea and then sits opposite me again

"I don't know what to say to him Ashton, he txt but I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know if I have anything to say to him? This is what's so annoying, I want to hate him for cheating on me but I don't even remember being with him so being without him is easy. I don't know what I had or what I've lost" I place my head in my hands and let out a big sigh. This is all too much, if I had somewhere to run away to I would. He leans over and gently strokes my arm

"Chloe I wish I knew what to tell you but I don't know what to say. It's not easy seeing him the way he is but also it's not easy seeing you like this either"

I lift my head and nod at him, he seems like such a nice guy. No wonder we were friends

"Morning you two, everything ok here?"

Ashton removes his hand and I smile at Maddison

"Yeah everything is great, I was just feeling nostalgic" I shrug and she smiles at me. She sits next to Ashton and looks at me concerned

"Don't look at me like that" I say sternly

"Like what?"

"Like you feel sorry for me, in fact I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. What I want is to go out tonight, I don't remember turning eighteen or nineteen so I want to go out tonight and celebrate both" Yes that will cheer me up won't it? Maddison looks at Ashton

"Hmm yeah sure, we'll do that" she says

"What's wrong?" It's obvious she doesn't want to

"Well Ashton and the guys are doing a gig tonight and I was meant to be going, but what the hell am I thinking? Sorry Chloe, you're right, we have two birthdays to make up for. Let's go out" she claps her hands together and Ashton smiles kindly at me

"Maybe we could go and see, the band, maybe?" Why did I just say that?

"No chance, no chance in hell. Ashton tell her" Maddison snaps at me

"That's up to Chloe" he doesn't take his eyes off me as he says it, I think Ashton must know me well enough that if I want to do something I'll do it

"Why would you want to go, are you crazy?" She hisses

"No, I have amnesia, and I don't know why but I want to see him. Maybe it will help my memory?"

"And what if it does? you would want to remember what he did?" Maddison doesn't understand

"Look, I know what you mean and I agree to an extent but they are my memories, that was my life and I would rather know then not know. I shouldn't be able to erase my pain, not when people go through way worse than me and have to remember"

"There she is" Ashton says and grins

"What?" I ask confused

"I was worried you would be different but you aren't, you're the same old Chloe" I smile at him, that's good to know. I'm just same old me, with a gap in my memory. Things could be worse

"So, are you coming with me or not?" I look at Maddison

"Fine. You win. But at least let me give you a make over, you look like shit"

I raise my mug and pretend to cheers her. This is it, I will finally see him and maybe just maybe I will remember what I've lost

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