I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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20. 19

I walk slowly back up to the apartment. All her words running around my head. Why is she doing this to me? I know that shes looking out for me but she taking it a little too far. Her words cut through me like a knife, I cant believe she wouldn't at least have an adult conversation with me? I shake my head, I hate arguing with her and even though we have never had a close relationship I don't like the atmosphere between us. I walk into the apartment and Michael is leaning against the wall in the hallway. He looks deep in thought. His head snaps up when he sees me and he comes and holds my face in his hands. His eyes searching mine 

"Well is everything OK? What did she say?" He asks urgently and I hold his hands 

"what didn't she say more like" I answer honestly but he doesn't say anything 

"Lets just put it this way, she isn't happy" I shrug and he leads me over to the settee pulling me onto his lap. I put my arm around him and my fingers run through the back of his hair and he dips his head back and sighs 

"I am so sorry Chloe. I really fucked up. I cant see how we are ever going to get past this? I cant become between you and your family, not when I'm -"

"leaving" I finish his sentence off for him and he nods 

"I've probably already told you this story so just stop me if I have. When I was about six or seven I had long beautiful hair that came past my waist. I loved it so much I felt like Rapunzel or something. My mom hated it, she said it was too long and that it took too much time to style in the morning before school. One day she took me to the hairdressers and she had them cut it off to my jawline. I didn't argue with her, I would never have dared to, I didn't even cry in front of her, I waited until I was back at home alone in my bedroom. Anyway the point Im trying to make is, Is that I cant let her dictate my life to me anymore. Im not a little girl, im a young woman now. You going away is something I will have to deal with, But being with you is my decision. I guess its just down to wether you really want to be with me or not?" 

His lips part as he looks at me and before I know it I'm lying on the settee. Hes on top of me and his one hand holds his weight and the other holds my waist 

"Why didn't you say it back earlier?" He whispers 

"Because I didn't feel ready to say it"

His eyes scan my face and I hold his face in my hands so he will look at me again

"I don't know how I know it, But I do. I love you Michael" 

He shakes his head and I can see his eyes have tears in them 

"I never stopped loving you Chloe" 

I slowly lean up and kiss him, His mouth feels familiar. This all feels familiar. His hand moves beneath the material of my T shirt and his fingers dig into my skin but not hard enough that it hurts. I push my hips forward, feeling him between my thighs. My head tilts back as his mouth meets my neck. I pull at his T shirt. This feels too good, I missed this. I remember when we went to the beach and spent all afternoon swimming and then lying on the sand kissing like this, We hadn't gone further at that point and the waiting to take it to the next step was torture for us both but I wanted to wait do I was certain

oh my god

I push Michael off me and sit up holding my head 

"What, whats wrong? are you in pain? Chloe talk to me?"

"I remember, I think I remember something"

"what do you remember?"

"Me and you at the beach, but you had black hair and we were lying down kissing like this. I remember we went swimming? yes I was wearing a white bikini. Is this making sense?"

"yeah, it does. I mean I cant remember a specific time as we were always at the beach but I remember that white bikini. Have you seen any photos of us there?"

I shake my head 

"No, I haven't seen any of us at the beach so this has to be a memory doesn't it?" I look at him hopefully but he looks worried 

"Michael what is it?"

he stands up and shakes his head 

"Its nothing, I'm happy Chloe I am. I just hope all the happy memories come back before the shit ones do" he plays with his eyebrow piercing awkwardly and I frown 

"Michael if there's anything else you need to tell me then please tell me now"

He rubs his face and looks at me 

"No, No there's nothing else. I'm just scared of losing you that's all. Chloe I cant lose you again, not when we are trying to move forward. I'm just scared this is the way it will always be, back and fourth"

"They are just memories Michael, I know now that they don't matter. You matter to me. But I am glad I remembered that. Your kiss healed me" I laugh trying to make him smile and it does the trick. He holds my hand and takes me into his bedroom, and that's where we stay for the rest of the day and the night. I don't remember anything else but these new memories I'm making more than make up for the ones I cant remember  

 

 

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