The Auction Sequel


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5. Second Thoughts

It was supposed to be me and Harry.

I mentally cursed myself for allowing my conscience to think such obscene things. I let my mind wander. Was it so wrong? To think, that it should be me and Harry? After all we went through together, I don't think it was that obscene of me. It was reasonable - understandable, at a push. 

After Niall had gotten the hospital address, alongside a few minor details such as email addresses and telephone numbers, I quickly dismissed Gemma from our front porch. Leaving me, and Niall, both stunned at the newly absorbed news we'd both just received. I could feel the tension thick in the air, and I could tell that Niall was uncomfortable. Hell, uncomfortable didn't begin to describe the feelings I could just tell that he was experiencing. It was something else altogether. 

"I - I think I'm going to go and fetch the girls some- uh- breakfast." Niall stammered, his eyebrows furrowed into an unsure expression, as he quickly fled from my paralysed side toward the spot where our daughters were happily playing. Our daughters. I had children with Niall - it was wrong of me to be questioning my relationship with him, and leaning toward the idea of Harry. I needed to think. My sub conscience still hadn't processed the fact that Harry was hospitalised - the way Gemma explained made his condition seem ... Fuck. Deeply, I knew he was in an extremely bad state ; Gemma sugar- coated it. That's for sure. Although she didn't grant us the specific details of what was wrong with him, she said something along the lines of, 'you need to see for yourselves' whatever that means. She appeared to blame me for his current state- so I guessed it wasn't physical, or did the pain of me leaving make him hurt himself? Surely not, I thought helplessly, as tears pricked my eyes, threatening to spill. 

Just as I was about to walk upstairs, to wallow in the confines of my own bedroom, I felt Niall's hand gently grip my forearm. Guiding me to face him, at no point did he press down harder than necessary, neither did he force me to face him. He was good to me, so why was I having second thoughts? 

"Lily." He whispered, and in that moment I saw a change in his usual bubbly personality. He looked- broken. I couldn't bare to see that look in his glossy eyes, a look of devastation laced with an unimaginable amount of heartbreak. My heart shattered, a single tear trailing down my cheek. I couldn't actually quite believe the fact that I was thinking like this, thinking of Harry. I was married to Niall, he was the father of my two children, we lived happily together- we were in love. So why the fuck was I being so ignorant? Was I forgetting about all of those factors, in the heat of the moment? Was the mere thought of Harry enough so send me over the edge? 

"I'm sorry." I apologised, although Niall was unsure as to what I was apologising for, I knew. I was apologising for even thinking of leaving him. He took me into his loving arms, without an ounce of regret, his big build instantly reassuring me, making me feel comforted, wanted, loved. His thumb rubbed circles on the small of my back, as I sobbed into his warm chest, before whispering, "God, I love you,"

"And you know that whatever happens, I love you too Lily. I always will, through everything. And I understand." Niall paused, taking a deep breath which fanned the top of my head as I glanced up at him questioningly, "I understand that you love Harry."

My breathing hitched in my throat, my body completely freezing in Niall's hold, as those words left Niall's mouth. I understand that you love Harry. I couldn't even begin to stutter a reply, I was completely taken aback by his statement. My dry mouth was nowhere near fit to voice a coherent sentence, let alone word. Shocked, would be an understatement. Stepping back, I allowed myself to gather my buzzing thoughts, trying to contain myself as I sighed, rubbing my temples. 

"Niall." I began, however was subtly cut off by Niall's gentle touch, the soft skin of his hand rubbing mine, tears leaving his crystallised eyes, despite his best efforts to hold them back. I released a long sigh. Was it so wrong for me to love them both? I couldn't just bury my feelings for one of them, it wasn't that easy. But with Niall, I had a life. We had a life together. We had children, a marriage, a home. How could I possibly entertain the idea of walking away from that? Was I being completely blinded by the thought of having Harry? After all, I hadn't spoken to him for two years, since the day he tried to stop my marriage ... Surely my feelings should've ceased, maybe if I just got the chance to see him then- then I'd realise Niall was right for me? Or would all my feelings come flooding back the second I laid eyes on him- even more in his fragile state?

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