Late Night Musings of a Lone Wanderer

Here are some late night musings by me.

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9. Eight

 

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating, I've had exams recently and I've also started working, so life is busy!

 

Anyway. Today I'm going to talk about my parents. Everyone has them. Somewhere. Maybe some people don't physically have their parents with them, maybe some people detest their parents because they don't get on with them, maybe some people have them and love them with all of their heart. Everyone's situation with their parents is different in some way. The situation with my parents is something that I always see as contradictory.

I think that they do love me, but they don't always like me. They have not abused me, but they have threatened to kick me out when I turn 18, and told me to get out of their sight. It is a kind of reason why I worry about turning 18. If they threaten it again, it will be perfectly legal to actually follow through with it. I have disappointed them. I am a disappointment to them. I have not turned out how they wanted me to. This is wrong. In their eyes, it is wrong because I am not the kind of child they wanted. In my view, it is wrong to believe that your child is a disappointment because they should be accepted for who they are.

I can also receive contradictory messages from my father. Sometimes he can tell me that he loves me and he's proud of me. However, other times, he can also tell me that I'm a great disappointment and he can somewhat hate me. He said that he's tired of me. What is that supposed to mean? He wants me to go? To leave? To... die? I don't know what he wants, but it is not the life that I'm living now.

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