Dear Diary.


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1. ditch? boys? feelings?

Dear Diary,

This is me when I am at my calmest. I can promise I am not typing this too fast(which I usually do when I am angry) or type in caps lock. So yeah, I am calm. Right?

So here's the catch, I really like this guy, let just name him Kyle. He used to be cute actually he's still cute but I am mad and broken so I am just going to pretend that he is not cute at all. Yup, I am that immature, let a teenage girl be sad over getting ditch okay?

One day out of the blue moon, I decided to asked him out, oh my god right? What the hell am I thinking? I did anyway. I was like 'hey are you free this weekend? Wanna catch a movie?' Thinking about it, I just wanna strangle myself because it's one of my biggest regret! He was like sure and told me that he wanted to watch a movie that has Cara Delevingne in it, The Paper Towns and I told him the movie isn't even out yet till June or July and suggested to watched Horror movie. Yes girl, horror movie over chick flick and romantic movie anytime. I can promise you I am not the type of girl that pretend as if they are scared so the guy would put their arm around me. Nope, not happening.

Anyway, we successfully planned and like every other teenage girls, I told my best friend about it and the whole weekday is filled with me bothering her what I should wear again over again which I am hundred percent sure, she was annoyed but hey? What a friend for when i am in need.

I decided to wear this pretty skirt that has a side slit which perfectly shows off my figures but there was a small hole somewhere so I had to sew it myself even though I don't really know how to sew. I was really satisfied with the outcome and was just so excited for Saturday,

outfit planned checked,

makeup planned checked

however when Saturday comes, guess what? Instead of feeling butterflies in my stomach that day, my eyes were filled with tears threatening not to leave my eyes because Kyle didn't reply to my text and while waiting for him to reply me, I look through my friends snapchat story, there he was laughing with a girl who was once my classmate and a friend of mine, I really wish i could unseen it, because when I open the snapchat the things that go through my mind was LIES LIES LIES.

He didn't bother to text me or even told me that he will be going out somewhere. Hurt, that is what I was feeling. The whole afternoon, I locked myself in the room listening to pathetic sad love songs and bawling my eyes. Funny isn't it? How I was so excited for something only to get ditched? Sleepless for the whole weekday only to see him hanging out with other girl.

Sigh.

After I cried an ocean (okay that was over exaggerating), I told myself I am not going to text him and ignore him. So being the strong girl I am, I wipe away my tears and deleted his number. Logging in Twitter and retweet a lot of sad quotes.

At night Kyle texted me saying he was really sorry.

No I am not forgiving him. A sorry can't cure a broken heart. He knows that I like him and he's hurting me. I ignore his text and the day after that, he texted me again saying he was really sorry..

Diary, If you were human, you would have slap me because I eventually forgive him and he promise me thrice that we will go out and catch a movie and the sad part is I actually believed him again. I wanted to watch unfriended with him but he ditch me again over the same girl and I just.. Feel so betrayed like I really want to cry but I'm tired of crying over guys that don't deserve my tears.

Now, every time I saw the word promise it's just sting in my heart. I'm trying to be happy again. I can't say I hate boys because there's a quotes saying all boys aren't the same, don't compare them with jerks.

Right now, I am feeling empty.

All the loves.

E xx

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