This is about a boy that I thought I wanted to love.


1. I wanted to apologises

 In the blur of all the lights and blasting of the music I kissed you. 

Three years ago I saw you glancing at me from across the classroom

my boyfriend was your best friend and you both had blue eyes. 

People used to say you looked like brothers.

Two years ago you bought me a skateboard for my 16th birthday. 

you knew that was what I wanted that year

you knew the brand I liked to ride

you payed attention to the things no one else did.

I remember in grade 9 debate class we had to work together

we had never spoken. Too scared to break out of the shells we lived in                                                                       you became one of my closest friends.

One year ago you put together the skateboard you had bought me a year before.

Today you were holding my hand when we ran into my dad in the city

quickly escaping your fingers I remember how I sort of missed them.

I'm not sure if I was lonely but I knew I wanted your hand near mine.

I remember running with you.

Looking at you, a part of me wanted to love you.

 So, in the blur of all the lights and blasting of the music I kissed you. 

Took you by the hand and lead you 

our skin touched for the first time. 

To me you were a close friend filling holes

I didn't want to share with a stranger.

I used you to wipe away the tears I cried late at night.    

I wanted to apologise for the way you found out about her and me. 

I didn't know why you had stopped talking to me over the break. 

I missed you numbly.

 I wanted to apologise.


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