31.

Have you ever felt lonely, and you feel like you don't fit in?
Like you weren't good enough for the people around you?

My hole life I have been bullied because I was slightly overweight.
I have never ever been 100% honest with anybody.
I don't trust people, because why should I.

I survived from bulimia twice.
I been cutting in over 2 years.
Maybe all that happened to me, but I don't think I'll survive so much longer

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1. 31

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ´em for a dollar

They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin´
Funny when you´re dead how people starts listenin´”

 

You know that feeling when you feel alone, but really are in a room with allot of other people? Well, that kind of happened to me today.

I don’t know what to do. I thought I did, but I’m actually just a little unwise girl, that’s really unhappy.
All my life I knew just what I wanted in my life. But I’m not sure anymore, it all seems so complicated.
Why can’t people be nice, then maybe everything would be different.

I won’t eat.  


Oh, about my day.

So I slept with my best friend, oh and for you dirty minded bastards, we didn’t sleep together like that. It was more like a sleepover.
It was soo freaking boring, she watched Glee, and I didn’t want to, because, hey I haven´t watched as much as her, not fair.

But that was yesterday, and yeah it turned out nice and funny.

But then when we got to the college that we have been on a couple days, we saw the new classes and I didn’t get in the same class as my best friend. But I got in a class where I knew a couple persons, and I thought it was okay. But my “best friend” said that I should go to class with her, and I asked a teacher if I could get in her class.
Worst decision ever, we should go in pairs of four and me, her and two boys. She’s so pissed all the time, and takes all the credit for the work we do. We are making it on her computer and we can’t touch it, but she’s still complaining about doing it all.

But finally we were off and got to the bus. When I got home I decided to go in my pajama and just relax and make myself a really good tuna sandwich.
When I was done eating, my father called and told me that he wanted to go for a run when he gets home, I had no problem with that, but he think I do. But actually I love it, because it’s the only father-daughter time we spend alone. I told him if we really should run, I wanted to go out for dinner. He said fine, and we ran. A half hour after, when we got home from our run, my stepmother was in the house. I don’t like her I don’t like my stepsister. When they are home, they are always stealing my father from me. I feel like I don’t belong there more. Like I don’t fit in. We are always doing what they want, my dad I supporting them in everything. I don’t even got my own room at my dad, because they are here. But what can I do?

 

It never crossed my mind that i should tell my father what have happened to me, I always blamed him. He is never home, so why should he even care. 
I think that if I tell him, he would say something like "You should lose some weight" or "Oh, get over your self." 

 

 

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