Now when you think rave you probably think of a club packed with sweaty people the ages of 16 to about thirty high off pills bouncing around rhythematically to some overly loud form of club music with a freaky laser show so bright you won't be able to see straight for days. Well at these comic cons that is exactly what you get only these people are in costumes and they are major derpers. Just for those who don't know what a derper is, well in my personal opinion it's a persons who is extremely socially awkward. It's practically the kids who sat at the library, or any other secluded area's in high school and played Yu-gi-oh so seriously that they almost came to blows over it.
Anyway, that's who primarily makes up this crowd about a 9 to 1 ratio. Basically 90% of these kids either think Star Wars Episodes1-3 Sucks or know some made up language with no country of origin. Something like of Elvish or Dwarvish. And we are surrounded by them. Now the point of this thing is to have fun but I think for any healthy nerd of age these things are for finding a mate. Nerds are sex deprived people obviously because they've cared more about their DPS ratio on a game that has 'Craft' in the name than "coming of age" and making progress. That or self-esteem was an issue. Well, Nerds amongst nerds amongst derpers was an obvious move at this rave.
This shit was more like a huge sex party. Nerds are freaks! Every ten steps someone was on the horny train express on the DAMN DANCE FLOOR. It's so bad Im sure at least 100 orgies is happening in this hotel tonight as soon as this rave is over. Jay, Mark, and I all made our way to the bar pushing apart these drooling dry humping dweebs. Both Mark and Jay were drinker's, Mark was moderate and Jay? Lets just say last convention he woke up in bed with a milf and her daughter. It was funny to watch him naked in the hallway begging us to let him in the room because he lost his room key. Well drinks began to be ordered and I kept my eyes on the dance floor sipping on my non-acoholic beverage. Just wondering what would some of these girls parents do if they knew their daughters were dressed like space hookers grinding on guys dressed as ninja turtles and power rangers.
"Yo come with me!" Jay said as he sipped on his 100 proof Cran-apple vodka with his eyes set one something. I followed him into the crowd as he pushed through trying not to spill his drink. Eventually we got to the balcony were a woman was standing at the entrance. She was dressed as Ursella just with a big hindquarters so I knew exactly what Jay was thinking. He began his usual routine introducing himself and asking her name and where she was from. Then the small talk so I began day dreaming about Ursella's fat ass taking that poor idiots voice. Ever notice that that girl could of had anything or anyone she wanted in Atlantis but chose to pursue the land dweller dude? Damn shame says a lot about her greedy ass.
Any who, He could tell she was feeling him then asked her why wasn't she dancing. She responded saying she was waiting for her friend. I heard this loud and clear and was ready! Jay looked at me signaling me, Wingman ahoy! This trip to the desert was about to be over! And she's a big girl that meant her friend was at least decent.
BOY WAS I WRONG! An even bigger girl came from the balcony dropping her cigarette butt and seemingly blowing that wretched smoke in slow motion into the air. She greeted her friend then glared at me and my buddy curiously. Now let me get this straight I'm not a shallow man. She was ok in the face. I just can't find women who out weight me attractive and that's all Jay ever got serious with. Anything less than 220 was a hitter quitter for him no matter how glamorous. So I looked at Jay and he was scolding me because my face was all scrunched up. He knew I wanted to run away and go play Yu-gi-oh with the derpers at the bar but he my hommy and wanted me to still be wing man so I forced myself to suck it up. so I complemented her on her Wailord cosplay but she smiled and responded , "I'm Smurffet boy!" As much as I was sure at the point she should have thrown me off the balcony she didn't. Surprising. Pretty sure that was my subconscious trying to get out of this.
The women grabbed us and herded us onto the dance floor and began to dance to the loud obnoxious music. I looked at Jay he was having a great time with Ursella. Well me I hated every minute of this, just like I was going to hate every minute of taking one for the team tonight. The only thing i enjoyed was watching her giant breast bouncing amorphously to the beat till I thought of getting absorbed by them breast and suffocating to death. That was sort of amusing till I looked to my left and in the most cliche-slow-motion-dramatic-protagonist-sees-love-intrest-for-the-first time-scene like I see the woman from the stairs dancing with her friends. I watched her as she danced around rhythematically in bliss. BEAUTY! Even in this half dark room with lasers and 'epilepsy' lights blinking to the beat. I felt like I was in that first scene of Blade, It would be bad assed if everyone was Vampires, I kind of like the idea of being bit by her. She glare at me as she continued hopping around to the music. By this time I had gravitated towards her. She continued to dance and look at me seductively. She was like a lioness, majestically prancing on the African savannah looking to attract a worthy mate. She began to give me a come-hither motion with a smiling, seducing me with those wild chocolate eyes.
Don't let this opportunity slip you by. She's obviously into you. You can do this just move to the beat and step to her and just dance. It's just a dance man not like she's gonna want to marry you? what if she does? What if she doesn't like my hair cut? Is there dirt under my nails? No. Good. My shoes still fresh? Check. Do I smell alright? How's my breathe? Where's my Altoids? Not too sweaty am I? Where's Carmen San Diego? San Diego maybe? Wonder if they ever found Amelia Earhart? Tuskegee experiments. "Yo what the heck are you doing? The wailord is cockblocking hard now!" Jerry yelled in my ear loudly. I turned to look at him nodded my head toward the girl from the steps. He looked over my shoulder sucked his teeth and said, "Go handle that son!" I smile as he danced back to his pull. I continued to dance to the music gathering up the courage to turn around and walts bak to her. "F" It what would Terio do? Ohh kill'em I turned around ready to get my Lioness. However she was now face to face dancing and staring intensely some Sasuke cosplayer in his red-contact lensed eyes and white booty shorts.
Fuck! I layed in my bed in the hotel room. Alone. DEFEATED. The convention was over. I didn't really sell anything and most importantly I didn't make any female connections. This I have to stop or I am going to die alone. I know I am only in my mid-twenties but my track record is going to end up killing me. I don't see how one moment I have a chance at someone I am actually attracted to the next its gone. The hells wrong with me. It's so easy for a Jerry to do what he does but I can't approach or even say hi without turning into a statue. I pretty much thought like this all night until it was time to check out and I realized neither Jerry or Mark made it back last night.
Just then there was a knock at the door. I knew that cadence. It was Jerry so I opened it then went back to placing my clothing into my suit case. "So awesome, You won't believe what happened last night!" Knowing him I had to reply with the freakiest thing I could think of, "Lemme guess you tossed a salad?" "No but better. I watched Wailord and Ursella go at it!" he replied laughing starting to pack his stuff up as well. That didn't surprise me. In fact it angered me. I am just a simple guy looking for a normal relationship with the possibility of normal sex and this guy every other week has a new girl or story about how he got this woman to do this or how he did this. Not to mention his actual relationships away from whoring were still better than mine. The rest of the trip back home I didn't really speak until we dropped the love birds Mark and Lisa off. Once these guys dispersed and I couldn't stand it no more.
"How do you do it!" I asked Jerry. He looked at me lost. "How do you get all these women?" How do you not crumble?" "Where's this coming from?" he asked with a big grin on his face that only annoyed me more. I had so many answers for that question but before I could formulate the answer he spurts out, "What happened last night? You didn't take that midget girl to the room last night?" "Nope!" I replied only becoming more depressed. "Why? she was totally into you? what happened?" he asked giggling. "Some Sasuke douche slid in and took her." I replied. "You know why?" Jerry said quickly glancing at me."Why?" "You stood there like a damn stone for like 10 minutes in la la land before turning around, very very gayly might I add." "Man you homophobic!" "No I respect gay men. More pussy for me!" I scoffed being more irate.
"What scares you so much about women?" he asked. "Nothing.. Nothing scares me about them... Rejection maybe." "So" "What you mean 'So'?" "Women are living breathing being's just like you and me. Their nothing special, accept the fact they have vaginas. If you consider that to be special." Typical Jay finding the humor in everything. " You're placing them too high, there no different from you and I AND until you understand that you'll keep missing out or keep pulling the crazy ones." he continued. "Well I know that." "Yo so what is it dude?" "Well they make me nervous and I start thinking about different possibilities and scenarios and think they will not like me?" I explained to him as he looked at me. "So you have a low self esteem? really? Never pegged you to be one of those." Jay replied laughing. "I mean look at me, I'm not super star Hollywood handsome but I can bag women that look like they belong in Hollywood. It because my confidence level is ass long as my dick." Jerry said.
Laughing at the dick humor i began to think about that word. Self-Esteem, Now this isn't the first time i've heard this. I've heard this throughout my whole adolescence. I do have a Low-Esteem and have an entire back theory as to why that is but I don't think now is the time to diverge that information. Yet what I can say is my low esteem is what gets me into the relationships I don't want verses the ones that I do want. I guess me saying this now kind of negates my questions early on. Well not entirely. Like I said I've been aware of this for a very long time and I've been working on it and have made a lot of progress. I know that I am a handsome young guy that a lot of young ladies would like to go out with but doesn't change the fact I just freeze up.
"Women like men with machismo and charisma, no decent girl wants to go out with a shy soft spoken douche. No matter how much of a 'catch' he is. You've to be the perfect mix of an asshole and a good guy." He continued his rant. "So you have to let your balls hang and start taking things into your own hands instead of sitting there like a damn camper." As much as I laughed at Jerry's words I knew what he was saying was sort of true. "So I just have to just do and not think so much?" "Yeah, basically. If you not try you automatically fail anyway. Be like Nike and just do it son." he replied with a big grin on his face.