I am once again in that phase where I have enough courage, well not really courage more so motivation by desperation. If that makes sense. Last time this didn't go so well. It kind of made me worst when it came to talking to women. Check this out.
Last time I got this desperate it was after my first "real" relationship in high school. For two and a half years I had no contact with women who found me attractive. Least so I thought. I just wasn't at catch I guess. Those years was my great depression years in terms of the opposite sex having any place in my life. For Christ sake the only people who hit on me where gay men on the metro or in Chinatown. It was very debilitating. So I eventually started going to one of the hot spots in the city and scouting women.
Now I would look for a woman whom I found physically attractive. Now don't get me wrong in the last chapter. I did state looks aren't important to me and that the Brenda situation opened up my eyes but I wasn't completely naive. Looks aren't number one in my book for compatibility but it's still important. The woman can be 100% compatible with me but if I have nil attraction to her then It won't work past that. Sex seems to be an important part of a relationship now and people would like to be able to stomach the person their with and not vomit on them when they reveal some freaky crap you two times as more disgusting only because it came from them.
Any who, once I pick one out I would talk myself into talking to her. Would take me about fifteen minutes to do so while I was following them. Alot of times these women would notice me and speed up or run away. I'm pretty sure it because I am a big black guy but mainly because I hadn't gotten out of my "Emo" faze. Eventually I would walk myself into a conversation without knowing it after checking the girl out and being the total introvert I am. Freeze up and fumble or answer awkwardly. Those situations never worked out in my favor ever so whenever they arose I would turn my head south and walk away from the woman too shy to answer or play crazy and act as if I heard the words of God and walk away.
So when I did pump myself up enough to approach I think I did decent enough. Not good enough to earn a number or Myface profile name ever. There was this one time I met this beautiful Congolese girl at the festival. Oh God she had the sexiest accent! I asked her name, age and occupation. Most of how I did this sounded as if I was interrogating a witness. "What kind of car do you drive? Where do you go to school? What do you like to do in your free time? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you know you father? Are you a registered voter and what party are you apart of? It was all going good until I asked he for her number. she replied, "I'm sorry you're cute and all but you're just too dark for me."
I yelled back, "Bitch you're blacker than me!" Not really but that was my first thought after the other thought that she was African as well. That kind of kicked me in the balls each and every time it happened. This happened about 4 more times. Not that race matter but 3 of those 4 times the women were what I would consider Black. All three different tones and the 4th being half Latino, half Black and didn't tell me I was too dark for her until her mother pointed it after a brief meeting at her home. So you could only imagine how I felt about myself after these endeavors. Other times the women I met just told me they had boyfriends, or they weren't interested, or gave me a fake number. One time a girl flat out told me and I quote,
"No boo you're too... Too awkward and just look at the way you dress. I mean [them] Nikes is fresh like shit but you dress like a stalker-emo-goth kid. Too bama boo boo!" as she laughed an turned her back away. If you have no idea what Bama is, well I honestly don't really know what it is either but my interpretation since coming to live in this God forsaken city is that a Bama is some who doesn't follow the cities pop-culture and does their own thing. That is apparently bad in this city.
So from these experiences I felt a little battered quite ugly honestly, not that didn't already feel that way in the first place. So this time around I was ready to go again. Not really. I tried talk to one woman and she just laughed at me stated, "Boy please! I aint got time for that!"
So I ended up on these dating websites thinking of Jerry's words knowing if I told him that I'm just gonna do the internet thing he'll behead me. There are so many sites geared towards everything. I signed up for a military one, a black site, a adult site (just in case), a Asian site, a Brazilian a Dominican site, a Christian site, several of the more popular sites advertised on television and this really old site that I stopped using when I was 17 but apparently people use it to date and for booty calls now.
So as I sit here going through profiles and profiles sending message after message after wink after wink after fake digital flower bouquet after digital chocolate candies. Things were scarce. Rarely did I ever receive a reply I never received a second message. That or I was being extremely impatient which at first may have been a part of the problems. Yet over all searching and searching wasn't working out at all.
I ended up doing internet searches on internet dating and found interesting statistics on it. Basically the stats taught me four things. One, If you don't have a clear-good lit photo you're not getting a reply. Two, if you do not have a clear written out 'about me/hobby' sections, it makes you too mysterious and creepy... YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY INTEREST! Three, you have to individualize each message you send to fit the sender personality. You cannot send "Hey whats up girl!" in every message. Some girls will respond to that where as the women you actually want will respond more to something that sound like you read their profile. I mean I was already doing that but sometime the short and sweet was the medicine for the profiles that didn't have much on them. I mean it didn't work much but It got me a awkward date or two. Four and the LEAST, If you're black don't bother trying to internet date because we are the least responded to people behind little people and quadriplegics. No but seriously Black people(non-mixed)posted the lowest number of interest on the most popular sites especially the women. Interesting stat. Made me give up and just start doing other stuff with my internet time.
So while doing this I was simultaneously on the famous media tube site posting blog after blog about inequality, low self esteem and dating. I had known several people for years on this site. Mainly men but some women and surprisingly it bought several women within the neighborhood to me. Meaning I didn't chase after them. They where after me and my puppy dog sad face blogs that they couldn't get enough of because apparently a man baring his emotions and all on the net was a super sexy thing. Heck forget stupid harmony sites when I can get girlies calling me cute and asking for my email on the only tube site not to be overflowing with porn.
Soon things started to heat up with a little woman known as Kate.