Single, Nerdy, Shy, & Black

Hi my name is Jet and I have a problem I would say 100% of shy men have. Getting the balls to talk to that beauty who just waltzed her ass pass me. This problem has become my greatest fear of all because I know it will cause me to miss out on my 'soulmate'. If I could simply get over it I would but I cant I have many reasons why I am this way and My boys Jerry and Mark don't understand. To see these prospectives you must read it. So Tune in or... Don't. Thanks.


3. Confidence & Types

Still in the desert, working trying to pay my bills to my new home and at the same time finish school which my military duties interrupted. Things have been ok lately but like always loneliness comes into play especially now that i am all alone in my house. Got so lonely I rejoined several of those dating sites. Got so desperate I even pay the fee too. Any who, it's been a while since the convention and Mark, Jerry, Lisa and I are having one of our typical "We're-all-off-work-lets-waste-the-day-playing-Rockband-and-talking-shit-to-each-other" days. Well we are headed to the Wendy's in Jerry's car and I'm stuck sitting in front of Mark who like to make me uncomfortable by touching me gently.


"What's wrong? You Homophobic?" he continues trying to touch my face.

"No MOTHERFUCKA IM MARKOPHOBIC!" i yelled becoming annoyed.

"Im just getting you back for those ponytail jokes! You don't like this do you?" continues like that one persistently annoying kid in kindergarten you would love to beat the crap out of but you know if you do you'll just get in trouble.

"No dude! Lisa get your boyfriend before I cut off his ponytail and wipe my ass with it!"

"At least I got a ponytail slave." he retaliated with his normal cut jokes towards me.

All in which I hate so much and I'd like to continue smack talking but it'll just result in a barrage of dark skin jokes. Just then I heard the sweetest thing ever, "Welcome to Wendy's how may I help you?" Yes the words are a normal thing what I really meant was the voice that came over the intercom in the drive through. It was sweet and Intimate. Soft tone like you just woke up next to her and she was deeply in love with you. I couldn't help but reply over Jerry's order.

"Oh my God you have a sexy ass voice." allowing my thirstiness get control of me. The woman over Intercom giggles. "YOU CAN HELP ME ANY DAY!" I yell out once more causing her to laugh once again. "I'm sorry please excuse my friend I'd like to place my order now please!" Jerry interrupted. We all place our orders then wait for the cars ahead of us to be served. While we wait I was personally feeling super proud of myself. Although I knew I've never had a problem ever saying something to a woman over a intercom or for the internet for that matter. Non-face to face communication doesn't faze me as much.

"Yo what if she got that sexy ass voice but look like a man the whole time?" Mark added. Count this as  my vibe officially being killed.

"What if she's not a she and she's a he like Avery?" Mark continued as Lisa's mute ass laughed harder than she ever has. The reason is because Avery was just that. A  male from our school that if you heard him speaking but didn't see him  you would think he was a she. No bass at all. Even funnier is he had a hard crush on Jerry!

"What if your black ass just hit on a man?" Mark laughed away with the rest of the car as we all pulled up to the order window. 

"I hate you so much Mark!" i replied waiting for the angled voiced woman to show herself. And that she did. she opened the double doors wanting the payment for the food. I was couldn't see her fully due to the fact i was in the passenger seat. All i could see was her blue polo shirt and her awesome bust. Like Ms. Bellum from the Power Puff girls only in the Wendy's drive thru. Jerry handed her his card. She closed the window he turned to me and gave me the head nod approving of her. She opened up the window handing him his receipt and the bags of food. 

"Sorry again that was my friend. May I ask you your name?" Jerry  typically asked. That heavenly voice spoke out again, "Destiny" as she leaned through the drive through window exposing her cleavage and peaking at me. She was a  beauty with bright pink lipstick or lip-gloss on. She was a milk chocolate tone, with coffee bean toned eyes, high cheek bones and looked early twenties, long hair braided into one long braid that I was sure was a weave but didn't matter to me. She looked good. I waved but couldn't say anything as she smiled widely approving then stuck her body back into the window. We pulled off slowly Jerry looked at me and stated,

"You need to go get her number! C'mon I'll go with you!" as he stopped the car in the lot.

"Nah, I'm good." Like always I wasn't. I was honestly scared shitless. She was so pretty it was intimidating.

"You sure."

"I'm good!"

Jerry waited for a second as I looked the other way and pulled off out of the parking lot. 

"Yo I'll go get her number for you if you want!" Mark said.

"Hell NO! What the hell I look like man. That's weak as hell! Besides Lisa is sitting right next to you! What kind of shit is that?" I replied mad know that the girl would like Mark's pretty ass more before me anyway. We headed back to Jerry's home. The whole time listen to Jerry and Mark's Criticism on how I handled that fumble. Shoot even Lisa had something to say about it all. My replay to it all? 

"She's like 20 working at a damn Wendy's!" Which really wasn't a turn off for me because there could be many reasons as to why she was working that job and what not. The gang didn't take too nicely to my excuses as we made our way back into the basement of Jerry's home which was a haven for artist  cross nerds cross gamers. I sat down on the, ironic, love seat and turned the TV. on.

"How do you just let a free number like that slip? You had her open with two statements! Just your name and 'Can I call you some time?" Would of secured you a definite!" Jerry pressed on.

"I'm not that pressed!" Lies. DAMN LIES!

"Really then why even say anything to her in the first place?"

"I was just joking, didn't think saying those things would work." Lies about the joking comment but truth about the comments about her angelic voice. I've been cursed out over comments like that before, I was expecting to be called a dick.

"Son you could of been balls deep in the Wendy's bathroom right now!"

"I'm not worried about sex right now!" Truth but still would be nice.

"Yo shut up about this she wasn't that bad anyway!" Mark jumped in as both Jerry and I both sucked our teeth and told him simultaneously to shut up! Why react to him this way? Is it how vain he is? Or is it something else. Well both. Mark literally have women throwing their panties at him on the daily and can choose what he want but he chose Lisa. Now Lisa I know I haven't really spoke much about Lisa other than the fact she doesn't really speak much. Well Lisa is a pretty young girl from the islands with thick long black hair, thin frame, and light butter cream toned skin. JUST how Mark like his women which both Jerry and I give him crap for. Mainly because he only dabbles in the "light skin" gene pool  and leaves out anyone brown thus him stating the girl at Wendy's wasn't "bad". You would think he'd do it to boost Lisa's morale but she one of those women who joins in with us all when we see a attractive young lady and comment on her. Sometimes she's the first one to point out a donkey booty or tig-o-bitties.

"YO WHAT!" He replied. 

"You know why ponytail! You only think she wasn't bad because she was too brown. You Judgmental Taint!" Jerry yelled.

"Oh here we go again!" Mark replied.

 We've had this conversation since we all started hanging out together 4 to 5 years ago. Jerry and Mark fantasy women on completely different physical attribute scale. Mark like today's standard definition of beauty, girls with bodies from Vicky secret catalogs and all and as you already know Jerry loves himself the thick ones although he doesn't discriminate with the skinnier girls too. This is true too when asked about race and ethnicity with them. Jerry love them dark, like my skin tone and darker. It's so bad I want to take him to West Africa on his 30th birthday just so he can find a wife that fit his perfection description and haven't been exposed to European beauty standards. Whereas Mark is the exact opposite, Eurocentric, he doesn't believe in dating anyone darker than he believes in that "ghetto" stereotyping the media portrays. Also, he is extremely picky! I seen him turndown a gorgeous woman because her eyebrows' weren't done professionally and were uneven by a little bit. If this seems very bias in the description it's probably because I believe in Jerry's definition of a beautiful woman more than I believe in Marks.

They argued for the next twenty minutes about their difference totally forgetting about how they ended up on that subject. Till somehow it ended up back on me.

"Jet, Describe your perfect woman physically." Jerry ordered me to. 

Well historically everyone I've ever dated has looked different in every way. Mainly because I don't chase and i let them hook and reel themselves in. The only consistent was height. A good amount of my girlfriends to this point had been 5'3 or shorter. I've dated all shapes sizes and races so I have no idea. I just know a God loving-nerdy-sporty-lil-bossy-know-what-she-wants-and-needs type of woman has always been my type. Physical attributes only confuse things.

"I would guess a Serena Williams or Layla Ali would be ideal." Yea, I have a thing for athletes.

"What they don't look nothing like each other. We meant describe." 

"Doesn't really matter to me. Just want someone I can hang out with that isn't too uptight and kind of get my sense of humor." Which at this point proved harder than I expected as a teenager. Of course they didn't take to this kindly\

"Negro! Describe yo. This isn't a game show!" Mark yelled at me as Jerry laughed.

I honestly didn't know. Last time looks were a big thing for me was in high school and that was damn near 10 years ago. Last time I was really stuck on the physical aspects of a woman I learned a very valuable lesson. A crush is not worth losing your friends over. Allow me to tell you elaborate briefly. Her name was Brenda, She came from California. Beautiful baby face, 5'8, yellow toned. bright white smile, chocolate colored medium length hair with blonde streaks, and these grey-greenish eyes that I couldn't get enough of. She was my first huge crush in high school.

Now heading into the ninth grade I had several friend's most notable where my two best friends Ric and Tory. Tory I've known since the 4th grade and since we were basically our piers pincushions when it came to being made fun of. We had a very close relationship because of it. Now Ric and I met him in the 6th grade. Used to skid up and cut up out body parts paying football on 9th street. Now Ric was probably one or two of the guys who didn't make fun of me for being so dark or poor. So that made him very cool in my book. On to high school.

I immediately paired up with them in High school seeing I really didn't know anyone else in that school(whom wasn't in a gang). Anyway first day of school I spotted Brenda while with Ric. She was with another gorgeous girl. I told Ric I wanted Brenda and he said he wanted the other girl. Yet, I was way more of a coward then when it came to the opposite sex. Weeks later I found out Ric was dating Brenda. Vibe killed and one friend down. Now during this entire time Tori and I would talk alot on the phone about school and people we liked. I basically would bug her about Brenda and hooking me up with her until I found out about Ric. Might I add I stumbled upon them during one of my "run from school security" days making out in the hall way. HEARTBROKEN.

I nagged her about it for nearly two years every day until she forced me to tell Brenda how I felt about her over the phone (non-face to face). That didn't go too well. I should of known it would because immediately i was drawn back to time we're I had enough gall to talk to her in the line through the metal detectors at school. She basically stated that all the boys on the east coast weren't cute and proceed to explain what cute was to her which at that time I pictured to be Lil' Bow Bow or now Jaden Smith or Michael EALY. Placing extra emphasis on skin color and hair texture. Ric kind of made sense. Kind of. Any who after that situation it kind of made me resent Tori and our relationship hasn't been the same since. Sad.

Yeah, So Explaining beauty is really hard especially since the media sways everyone so much.

"Well I guess a Black woman, brown skin, short, weighing about 140, B to D cup(I am a breast man), with a decent posterior, soft cuddly but takes care of herself, natural hair wild like Macy Gray,  and big bright eyes. Not the color just that effect when the light hits them they glisten oh and she got to have good lips. No bologna."

"You want them DSL's" Jerry says laughing while placing the Rock Band his  X-box. He's right but wrong at the same time. Now I could explain that but anyone over the age of 15 knows that this day and age and this book is rated [R] so yeah. If you don't know Google it or urban dictionary it. 

"How often can you find a Natural black woman though?" Jerry asked with his usual scrutiny.

"It's Rare, douche bag! It's 'cause of douche bags like you It's like that!" Jerry argues back and Ques argument about how the American media Europeanizes-African beauty in order to make our women feel they're not beautiful thus making them adhere to Eurocentric standards that cannot be achieved without changing themselves in a way that rapidly spreads self-hatred and self-loathing. Best example of this is Michael Jackson. Image is everything and that's the last thing I have to say about that because this is about my love life not a novel about American media although it has its places in my book. 

My best friends argued and argued as they played Rock band with me chiming in on a few things but eventually it came to Jerry stating this,

"It comes to this man. Confidence. If you don't have it you'll be a 'Forever Alone' guy beating your dick to poor quality porn videos on Pornhub. I'm not the prettiest dude,"

"Damn sure aint the skinniest" Mark interrupted.

"Fuck you Fairy Dust, ANYWAY, I just swag like one and it works. Like I said before women like confidence. Being shy and Mysterious ain't never got you any sane 'joint'! Sometime you have to Just Do It!" Jerry stated once more and comedicly brilliantly like always. By the way a 'joint' is another slang word used for a woman that's interested in you.

He was right and I was tired of hearing this from everyone. It was time I get over my self esteem issues and adopt confidence but the only question at this point now was how. 

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