I fell asleep on the couch when I got home waiting for Kade to come home, his shift ended at 6:00, and it was now 11:30 when I heard the door swing open.
I woke up, and could smell the booze pouring off of him. "Oh hey baby." He said, and then walked over to the couch, and started to get on top of me. Before he could I could see the lipstick stains on his collar, and the hickey that was on the side of his neck. I pushed him off me, and onto the floor.
"Really, you can't keep it in your pants." I said standing up in front of him, watching him get up off the floor.
"Why do you do this to me.. If you don't want me, and you want someone else just say it." I said pushing him away from me.
"I only want you." He said coming back towards me, trying to kiss me. I slapped him across the face. His face started to fill with anger, and I knew I had made a mistake.
"I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me." I said holding my hand, and starting to back up away from him.
"You don't get to say no to me." He said stepping closer, and closer to me. Then he grabbed me, and started to drag me to the bedroom.
"Kade, don't do this please." I said begging him, he just shoved me on the bed, and started to get on top of me. I could feel his knee dig into my ribs, and push all the air out of my lungs.
"Stop you are hurting me." I screamed out in pain, trying to catch my breathe.
"Baby stop." I started to cry.
He stopped, and rolled off of me, and onto the bed beside me.
"Why am I like this?" He asked, and I could hear his voice starting to choke up. I hated him, but something about him always drew me back to him. I hated to see him broken like this, I just wanted to fix him, help him, make him better, and happier.
"It's my fault, I am sorry." I said laying my head on his chest, and curling up beside him.
His breathing was starting to slow down, and his arm wrapped itself around my body pulling me in even closer to him. He was warm, but the smell of booze on him was almost enough to make me sick.
When I woke up he was gone, I couldn't believe that I had slept this long, it was 12:30. I was surprised when the first thought that came to my head was Heath. Should I go see him today, I mean I know that I wanted to know more about him, and what he had done, but Kade would soon find out about the visit.
I got dressed a pair of jeans, and a tank top, and started to drive down to the prison. I had to wait ten minutes before I could meet with him.
I got into the room, but this time when I walked in he was already sitting down at the table.
"I drew you something." He said holding out a piece of paper with his hands that were handcuffed together. I smiled, I couldn't quite see what it was until I got up closer.
"It's amazing." I said grabbing the paper from his hand to get a better look at it. He drew me, every detail on me was exact to yesterday. I had never seen anyone draw like this before.
"It's beautiful." He said almost as to correct me. I sat down at the table, and set the paper down in front of me. "I told you you would be back to see me." He said smiling.
"I mean, if you want I can go." I said half getting up.
"No please stay, It is nice to get out of that cell, even if it is only for half an hour of my day." He said placing his hands up on the table, and leaning into it more.
The more that I looked at him, and examined his face, the more attractive he looked to me. He was, he was tall, but he wasn't skinny like most tall people. He was well built, his arms were a nice size, and his shoulder set up was amazing. He was very attractive, and sometimes I would catch myself starring at him. I wondered if he had noticed. I mean I would catch him down the same thing to me. Just starring at me, I would wonder if he was even paying any attention to what I was saying.
"Who were the men that you killed?" I asked not able to hold my urge to ask down any longer. The smile that was on his face was gone, and replaced with a more serious one.
"My father, and two brothers. "He said. That made me feel more distant to him. If he could kill his family, what would a man like this do to me. The way he said it made it seem like he was convinced that he didn't do it.
"Why?" I asked. He just looked down at the table, and sighed.
"They say I did it because I was on a drunken bender. I had had to much to drink, and was on to many drugs, I don't remember anything, I woke up the next day in my house with a huge cut on my head, and my family dead." He said not looking at me.
It was like I could almost hear him morning in his voice, something about the way he was acting didn't seem like a killer to me. His calm cool attitude was long gone.
I could see he was in pain, I stood up, and lifted his head with my hand gently. I looked around the room, this time we were able to have closed visitation, the guards stood on the outside of the doors.
"You didn't do this did you?" I asked.
He closed his eyes when I moved his head to look at me. "Open them." I said. And he did, they were looking directly into mine as if I was going to tell him everything was alright.
"No, I loved them, and the man that did kill them is still out there somewhere probably still killing people." He said.
He was starting to weep, I fell to my knees, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and hugged him tightly. It took him a second, but he gripped my body so tightly, and pulled me into this arms. Something about it didn't scare me, it made me feel safer.
"If you can get me the name of your lawyer, maybe I can try to figure something out." I said.
"We had tried everything, I am here, and there is no getting me out of here." He said pulling away from the hug. But when we pulled away he stopped and starred at me. I couldn't help but look into his big brown eyes. I wiped away the tears from his cheeks, and before I could get the words out of my mouth, he pressed his lips up against mine.
I wanted to push him away, but my body wouldn't move. It took me a second, but I was finally fine with it. I started to kiss him back. Then I snapped out of it, and pulled away falling back on the floor.
"I can't do this." I said getting up."