"What do you mean...?" I ask her and kiss her nose.
"I just... Ugh. Everything is too much. I've already been thinking about this for a while and seeing he's happy now hurts me a lot. I just don't think I can be around him anymore.." She tells me softly with sadness fills her eyes.
"Baby... I know. But what about your band, and what about your friends..... What about me? I need you here. Please, please stay." I tell her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer to me.
She bites her lip and lays her head on my chest. "I've found a temporary replacement for me so they don't need to worry about that, and I'm sure all the guys would be happy without the drama. In fact everyone would. And you.... I know you'll be okay. I love you Kells." She says and kisses me softly.
I kiss back, of course but I couldn't believe she was leaving. Justin ruins everything doesn't he.
We had one show tonight which would be my last one. After this I'm leaving to go back home. Nobody knows I'm leaving tonight but it would be a lot better for everyone. Including Justin...
I looked down at my arms and saw the cuts. They were deeper then I thought they'd be I'll admit. But I don't regret them.
I threw my hair into a ponytail and I had on my purple skinny jeans and my Suicide Silence T-shirt on. I also had a Key street hoodie which I had stolen from Tony the night at the beach.
I put on my heels and makeup and walked out to see Tay in the kitchen, mixing a drink. She smiles at me. They didn't know what had happened earlier, and I plan to keep it that way.
"Hey." I say and smile.
She frowns. "Are you not gonna eat anything?"
I shake my head and take a drink of whatever she'd just made herself.
"Rose. Eat something." She says and I shake my head.
"I'm not hungry." I tell her and force a smile onto my face.
"You're losing weight again." She points out.
It's true, while me and Justin were dating I'd weighed 96lbs nearing the end of it, and now I'm back at 85lbs.
"Oh well." I say and walk off the bus to get some air.
The show started in 35 minutes and I was not ready to leave all my friends afterwards, but it's what had to be done.
I saw Gabe and Jack standing outside their bus, a cigarette hanging out of Gabe's mouth.
I walk over and wrap my arms around Jack and smile.
"Hellooooo." I say, faking happiness so they wouldn't question.
"Helloooo." They both reply and I smile.
"How is life for you two lovebirds?" I ask and steal the cigarette from Gabe, taking a drag.
"Great, other than the fact we have an idiot as a bassist and his whore of a girlfriend staying with us." Gabe says and Jack shoots him a look.
My chest tightens and the word girlfriend. "Yeah, she doesn't seem like a ray of sunshine," I tell them and laugh a bit.
"She's mean." Jack pouts and I giggle.
"Awe Jacky-poo." I say and hug him tightly.
He hugs back and I smile. "So how goes things for you?" Gabe asks me and I shrug.
"I mean I'm alive right?"
He sighs and walks over to me, pulling me into a hug. "I'll be fine Gabe." I tell him and hugs back.
"I know, but I'm still worrying about you because I love you."
"I love you too Gabe." I smile and let go.
"I better go, our set is in" I stop and check my phone. "30 minutes." I say and they nod.
"Byeeeee." They call as I walk away.
I was about to walk on stage when Justin comes up behind me and grabs my arm. Not like, in the angry way. But gently. I still wince in pain from the contact with the wounds decorating my skin.
He seems to take note of that and furrows his eyebrows. "I just wanted to say good luck." He says and kisses my cheek.
My stomach drops and my heart shatters, once again.
"Thank you." I choke out and walk onto the stage.
Why did I do that? Because I'm a fucking idiot. I know she's still upset but she can't still like me. Plus, I ruined everything now that I have a 'girlfriend'. I wouldn't really call her that because she's just a distraction so I can keep my mind off how close Kellin and Rose are.
I did notice that she was getting skinnier again and when I grabbed her arm she winced.... That can only mean... She's self harming again.
My face drops and tears fill my eyes. I'm the reason she's doing that to herself.
I look out on stage and see her in her sweater, singing her heart out. My heart breaks even more and I walk into our dressing room.
I fucked up, again.
After their set they walk off and I see Rose pull all the guys into a hug, but just looks in my direction and sadly smiles.
I walk over to her and hug her tightly. I am still hopelessly and unbelievably in love with her.
She breathes in shakily and looks at me and smiles.
"Good luck, you'll do amazing. I know it." She says with a slight wobble in her voice.
"Thank you Rose. You did amazing."
"You're welcome, and thank you. Now you have a show to play, go on and rock this motherfucker." She tells me and I can tell she's holding back tears.
I nod and begin to walk away, but as I'm walking I hear her very faintly whisper an 'I still love you.'
I did say I still loved him but he didn't hear me. I ran back to my bus and packed everything and grabbing all my suitcases. I couldn't miss my flight. I just can't. I wrote everyone a note and folded them, and wrote their names on the back. I left them on the table and I walked off the bus.
I hailed a taxi and looked back at everything I'd be missing.
I took in a deep breath and a few tears fell. Goodbye tour.