TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY SUICIDE/SELF HARM
It's been three months since I've left tour and it's been absolute hell being away from the guys. Especially Kells and Justin.
Sure Juliet had been amazing company but there is this constant hole in my heart. They're missing from my life and obviously it is nowhere near the same.
I've kept up with my bad habits and somehow Juliet hadn't found out. If managed to keep my biggest secrets from her, and though we've grown really close, I still don't feel comfortable about it.
Today had been an horribly bad day. I've been getting quite a bit of hate for just up and leaving tour like that, and to be honest it hurts like hell.
I say on my bed scrolling through twitter, reading these terrible comments.
But there was one specific one that hurt me more than the others.
'What a selfish bitch! She just left her band members, was she not even thinking about them? Or did she just wanna go back to being a whore without any bothers.'
I threw my phone to the bed and shook my head as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks. That's enough. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of never being good enough and never being treated like a real person. I'm sick of all the fucking drama, but most of all I'm sick of living.
I groaned out in frustration as I grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills I always kept beside my bed. I didn't need to worry about anything or anyone bothering be because Juliet wasn't even home.
I grabbed my razor blade as all these thoughts returned to my mind. I made a what seemed like an endless amount of cuts on my wrists and thighs, and I grabbed the bottle of pills. Almost as soon as I had a handful I was choking them down.
This is it.
I had all my letters to everyone sitting out and I smiled, a sick and twisted grin.
This is it. No more pain. No more being made fun of, no more nothing. Peace. It seemed as if time had stopped, and technically for me it did. My breathing slowed as my heart rate quickened, and then dropped. Life had legitimately flashed before my eyes. Everything. All the memories and feelings I even had buried so deep in my kind and forgotten about, had come back.
Black spots entered my vision as I continued destroying any skin that I hadn't touched. Cries escaped my chapped lips as black and red were the only thing I could see. Finally.
Darkness enveloped me as everything went numb and I took my last Conscious breath. I couldn't help but smile, this is what I had wanted right? It's over. No more worries. It's all over.
I'd been waiting impatiently as I was in the taxi who was driving me to Rose's house. It had been 3 months way to long since I've seen her. As soon as the taxi pulled down the oh-so familiar road and finally uot the driveway of Rose's house, I jumped out, paying the man quickly.
I replayed what I was going to do as soon as I saw her, hug her tighter then I ever had and I wanted to kiss her. Kiss her forever and never let her go. Maybe now that Justin was out of the picture I could.
I walked in without knocking, but as soon as I stepped foot in the overly-clean house an Erie feeling entered my body.
Everything was unusually quiet. The only thing I could hear was the faint music playing from Rose's bedroom. My chemical romance.
My feet carried me slowly up the stairs as the music got louder with every step I took. I didn't want to see what whatever was in there. Nothing was right.
"Rose?" I ask, hoarsely.
"Rose?!" I ask louder.
I took a deep breath and pushed open her bedroom door.
Everything stopped. My breath hitched in my throat and my mind and body were going in two completely different directions. My mind was screaming but my body was frozen.
I refused to think that this sight in front of me was real. It couldn't have been? Could it..?
Finally my senses came back and I ran over to Rose's blood splattered, lifeless body on the floor. My breathing increased as I searched for a pulse.
I had found one. It was extremely, agonizingly weak. But It was there.
I did the first thing that came to my mind, and I called an ambulance.
I told them everything they needed to know, never moving my hand. Never stopping checking the pulse. It was still there.
Within minutes the paramedics were lifting her onto a stretcher and carrying her into the back of the ambulance. I found no a mouth of strength anywhere in my body.
I can't lose her.
I was extremely cold and covered in Rose's blood at the moment but I didn't care. She had to stay alive.
It can't end like this. It just can't.
I returned home after my agonizingly long shift at Hot Topic. I furrowed my eyebrows as I saw lights of an ambulance in our driveway.
What the hell was going on?
I parked my car a little bit down the street and ran up the driveway, seeing one paramedic about to get in the ambulance.
"Woah what the hell is happening?!" I exclaim.
"Do you know Miss Alexandria Rose?" He asks and I nod my head.
"She's attempted suicide, but right now she's in a fatal condition. We need to get to the hospital. There's a boy inside, you might want to speak with him before you leave." He says and gets in, driving away quickly.
Rose... Had attempted suicide? That can't be... She isn't suicidal... Is she?
I run back into the house and I hear crying coming from Rose's bedroom. I walk in to see a sobbing Kellin Quinn on her floor.
"Could you please explain to me what is happening?!" I ask and he looks up.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Rose's friend that's staying with her." I say.
Of course I knew who he was and what had been happening between him, Justin and Rose.
"Ugh. Just come the fuck on we need to get to the hospital. You'll tell me in the car." I say and run back outside with him following.
We get in and on the drive he explains everything he knew.
"It just doesn't add up, Rose had never come across as suicidal to me." I mutter and pull into the hospital parking lot for guests.
"It's amazing how well she can hide things, isn't it Juliet?" He asks and gets out, running into the hospital with me following.
He was right, maybe I just hadn't payed enough attention to her to see the sadness in her eyes that was always hidden by this fake happiness.