It's weird walking, talking, and even doing anything after being in an unresponsive state for almost three weeks.
It's also weird still being in love with your ex-boyfriend, and in love with your best friend.
I'd talked with Kellin for I don't know how long after Justin left. There were tears, laughter and hugs and kisses. And I honestly don't know how I feel anymore.
I'm hopelessly in love with Justin, but I'm in love with Kellin too.
What is this going to end up as...
I've been awake now for three days and I've seen all of SWS, Eternal Tragedy, and PTV. They're all supportive and trying their best to help me get better, but I'm not gonna lie. I'm still extremely upset that everything didn't work.
Right now Justin had his head laying on my stomach and I was playing with his hair, talking about nonsense. I missed this so much.
He was tracing shapes into my side and every so often he'd leave small kisses on my stomach and he's been driving me crazy ever since he came in the room today.
I brushed my thumb over his cheek gently and he smiled at me.
"I love you Rose." He says and grabs my hand, interlocking out fingers.
I bite my lip nervously and my heart speeds up. "I-I love you too Justin." I say quietly.
He kissed my knuckles and I blush, but I heard the door open.
I looked up and I saw Kellin staring at the sight in front of him. He shifts uncomfortably and sighs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." He mutters and goes to walk back out.
"Kells no, stay." I plead softly.
He hesitates but nods. Justin sighs.
"Justin, baby can you go for a bit. I wanna talk with Kellin." I say and he nods.
"Okay. Be safe. I love you."
"I'll be as wreckless as possible while confined to a hospital bed." I laugh and roll my eyes.
He chuckles and kisses my forehead and walks out.
Kellin takes the spot where Justin was seconds ago and looks at me.
"You two are getting pretty close again." He says quietly.
I take his face in my hands gently and kiss him. He, of course, kisses back while smiling a bit.
"I love you Kellin." I say and peck his lips.
"I love you too Roses." He replies and pecks back.
"Please don't leave." I say and look at him.
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"But, I have a question..." I continue.
I see her look at me and nod. "What is it?"
"You still love Justin, don't you?" I ask quietly, and I'll admit, jealousy was clearly evident on my face.
She blinks a few times and takes my hands. "Kells, yes. I do. But I love you too. Right now... There's a lot going on and to be honest I don't know what the fuck is going on in my head." She says softly and I bite my lip.
"I love you Rose." I tell her and kiss her. "But He hurt you. Are you really going to give him your heart to break once again? It's obvious he doesn't know how to treat someone as amazing as you..." I mutter and her breathing pattern starts to become irregular and her small smile falters.
"Kellin..." She says warningly and I can see her holding back tears.
"No! It's true! I've been here this whole time waiting for you. I've loved you for forever and he can't just take you from me Rose! I need you, and I love you. He can't hurt you and get away with it." I say, my voice cracking.
She shakes her head and kisses me, probably just to shut me up.
"Kellin, shush. I don't know. Just, please don't push things. Whatever happens will be for the best." She says and pecks my lips.
I nod a bit and look down. "I love you." I mutter.
"I love you too."
When Justin comes back out with a frown and no Kellin, my heart drops. I know how close Rose and Kells are and it hurts. I do like Kellin, but he would never like me back. Plus, Rose deserves him more than me. She's been through hell and back and she deserves the world.
"Hey." I say quietly when Justin sits beside me.
"Hey," he replies quietly.
"This has been hard on you, and I know that Justin, but I'm still pissed at you. She may have forgiven you but you didn't see her.... You just didn't... Seeing her cry like that and break down every night. Hearing her cry in her bunk every night and after she left.., crying into the phone.. That is heartbreaking. When your best friend tells you that she doesn't want to live anymore.. That's not anything you'd ever want to hear. You broke her Justin, and she won't ever be the same." I say and shake my head, looking down.
Of course I knew she was suicidal. She cried into the phone every night and made me promise not to tell anyone she was in contact with me. But did I ever think she would try and take her own life? Not in a million years. Or did I and I just didn't want to accept it?
"I know. I hate myself because of it. I really do. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and still is. She's perfect, and amazing and I still love her more than anything. I'd do anything for her and I'd do anything to make her mine again, but Kellin is going to take her away before I can get her back." He sighs and rubs his face with his hands.
"Just wait things out. Whatever happens will obviously happen for the better."