Have you ever felt so alive, yet so dead at the same time? Like you were full of endless adrenaline, yet you couldn't move.
That's exactly what I felt right now. I don't know if I'm alive or dead, maybe I'm somewhere in between, but I don't know what had happened.
I heard so many voices. My name mentioned multiple times. I couldn't seem to open my eyes. Still, I fought the fact in my mind that I may still be alive. I didn't want to believe it, but I may still be alive.
If I was alive, I could distinguish no pain, which would be rare. If I was dead, I'd be happy. But then again I honestly don't know what I feel.
The frustration builded in the back of my mind furiously as I struggled at opening my eyes. I couldn't.
If I were awake- or well, whatever you would count awake as right now, I would be swearing my fucking head off.
Why is it so difficult to open my eyes. Ugh. Fucking hell.
I hope I know what the hell is going on soon.
We say in the waiting room for what felt like hours upon end. It's nerve wracking when the girl you're in love with is in a vegetative, unresponsive state in the hospitals ICU.
The doctors had pumped her stomach, stitched the vein she opened and she had slipped into a coma. It's hard to believe that the loveable, beautiful, perfect girl was hurting so bad that she thought she had to kill herself in order be happy.
By this time my band and her band was here. I saw Justin staring off into space with tears rolling down his cheek. Why would he be sad? He has no Fucking reason to be sad! Hell, half of this is probably his fault!
Tay was asleep in the chair next to me. She'd finally managed to cry herself to sleep. I smiled at her, but very slightly. There was barely a movement but you could tell I smiled.
Juliet felt like the odd one out, which I assured her she wasn't. Any friend of Rose was our friend too. Unless, y'know, they were an asshole. Which she clearly wasn't.
Gabe and Jack were holding each other while silently crying and I sighed. I hated seeing everyone like this.
Jesse.... Well... I couldn't really tell how he felt. He hasn't made an expression that was readable this whole time. He just say there silently, staring at the wall.
Luke and Ash were upset. They had tear stains on their cheeks and were holding each other, waiting for one of the two to break down.
And then there was me... I haven't stopped crying. Seeing your best friend so near to death changes you. If she doesn't survive... I don't even know. She has to survive. She has to.
My throat was dry and my hands were always moving. I was so terrified that someone in blue scrubs would come out and tell us that she hadn't made it.
That can't happen. No. Rose is strong. She can do this. She promised... She promised she'd be there. I promised I'd be there... But I wasn't... I fucked up. I'm a terrible friend. She needed me and I wasn't there. This is really my fault...
I can't believe this. Its all my fault. She's in the hospital, close to dying. And it's all on me. If she dies, oh god. She dies, it'll be my fault.
I couldn't comprehend the emotions running through my body. The girl I'm in love with is dying. She is almost dead. I have a good chance of losing her before I can make her mine again. I lost me chance. All because I was a fucking idiot.
Kellin was terrible. He looked absolutely wore out. His hair was disheveled, his clothes wrinkled, he had tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy, he had huge bags under them, and he was as pale as a ghost. He looked like a glorified mess.
The guys from Pierce The Veil had shown up. They all looked upset. Of course, not to the extent that we were, but they were still her friends, and they still cared.
Vic was trying to comfort Kellin and it seemed to work for a while, until he realized what was happening. Then he broke down all over again.
I think this had the most effect on his because he had found her. He saved her, he's the reason she's still alive and I owe him my everything. Even if she doesn't make it, he still tried. If it wasn't for him there would be no hope. Even though I feel as if he's going to steal her from me, I couldn't help but feel thankful. I mean come on, he saved the love of my life.
I was lost in thought when I heard sobbing coming from beside me. I looked over to see Jesse, completely broken down into a sobbing mess. This was the first emotion I've seen from his this whole time. Jesse rarely cries. And I mean RARELY. This whole time I've known him, I've maybe seen him cry twice.
I looked at him sympathetically and he didn't even notice me. I saw Kellin was watching him too, a pained expression on his face. This hurt us all in general, and it was a scary thought that we may never see her again.
I remember the last thing I ever hear her say. And I couldn't even bear to think of it. The last thing she told me was that she still loved me. And I didn't even answer her, I just walked away.
It can't end like this. It's impossible. This wasn't the end. Life may be no fucking fairy tail, but she will have a happy ending. I'm sure of it.