Funerals are the hardest, especially when you're not ready for them. But honestly, who's really ready for the loss of someone you loved dearly? Rose laid in the casket before me, and even when she wasn't breathing she looked stunning. Her hair that she's let grow back to her natural colour (brown) was falling down her shoulders. Her eye makeup was done nicely, and the dress she was in, was beautiful. Her skin was paler than usual, and her eyes had dark bags under them. She was skinny again, (skinner, not that she wasn't skinny before all this) thanks to her disease, which she was made of.
I forced myself to look away to prevent tears, which I knew were inevitable anyway, what's the point in trying when you know you won't succeed? I leaned down and kissed her forehead softly, "I love you, forever and always, to infinity and beyond." I come out quietly, making sure not to let my sobs disrupt anyone around me. Me. Alone. Not us, just me. Rose was dead and that's that.
I took one last look at her peaceful expression before stepping over to the seats that my three kids were sat in. Grey and Scar, sobbing while holding onto each other for dear life, and Cadence. Poor Cadence hadn't spoken since the day Rose died, her mom. Of course she wasn't speaking, her fucking mom just died. She hadn't cried, eaten or moved from her bedroom despite our pleas and unsuccessful tries of attempting to talk to her or feed her.
I left them to be by themselves and I looked around the room. Jesse and London, along with their kids, all crying. Even Jesse. Luke and his girlfriend (which I could never get around to learning her name-it was Alissa or something like that,
Maybe Aleah, I think-) were standing by the door in the back, solemn expressions engraved on their faces. Mikayla was here with her husband her her daughter, shedding a few tears. Ash and Juliet, along with their kids were sobbing in a group, probably attempting to calm each other down-with no avail- and Jack and Gabe were emotionless, along with their children. The guys from Pierce The Veil had shown up, they were upset as well. Who wouldn't be? I mean we just lost one hell of a girl, how could you be happy? There was people who I vaguely remembered Rose introducing me to years before speaking amongst their own groups. Then there was Kellin, Tay, And Cope. Copes siblings were upset too, yes, but nothing to their extent. Kellin, unlike Cade, had never stopped crying. Just like me.
I couldn't bare seeing all these people in here crying over someone that they never truly knew. As much as they wanted to deny, they knew that it was true. Nobody really knew Rose. I couldn't of even began to get to know such a complex girl such as herself, and now I can't learn anymore. Shame, isn't it? I stepped outside, the actual service wasn't starting until a few minutes. I sat on the crumbling, concrete mass that were the stairs of this old church. I placed my head in my hands and I cried. That's all I really did anymore, cried.
I regained the little bit of strength I had and stepped back inside, just as the ceremony started. I took my seat, and even though it was disrespectful, I didn't dare pay attention to the people speaking. I kept my eyes glued on my beautiful wife, laying so lifeless in the wooden box that everyone seems to associate with death. Why? I don't know, it's just a box. Coffin. Special names don't make anything more special. I started intently, trying to figure out who the fuck decided they should bury someone in a wooden box-or bury them at all for that matter- until I felt someone hitting my shoulder.
"Go. It's your turn to speak," my daughter demanded. Those were the first words Cadence spoke in three days.
I stood up, straightening myself out and stepping forward toward the podium thing. I sighed and then inhaled deeply, hoping that just maybe I could wake up and this would all be some sick, sadistic, twisted nightmare. But no such luck. "This whole situation is fucked," I start, ignoring the shocked faces of the older people on the building. "I apologize for my language, but it's truly fucked. It was messed up from the start when this god damn disease took over my everything. It took her appetite, her weight, her happiness and eventually her life. Though, I can't lie. Rose kept her strength to the end, but she just couldn't fight it.
"I'm not gonna go on this whole time about how much I loved her, that would take to long. Everyone loved her. She was an amazing person, not capable of hurting anything. No it wasn't fair that this is what become of her, but thank god that she got the chance to turn her life around before it all happened. She got to see the beauty of they world without the constant weight of fear or oblivion, or whatever the hell it was. She got to live like a real human being, and what else could one want? Honestly.
"Everyone is here today to mourn the loss of one the best things that has happened to me, but instead of thinking about the fact she's gone, think that she's not in pain anymore. She can't feel the pain of that disease slowly eating at her anymore, and that's comforting to know she's no longer hurting. Though it was tragic, it's better for her now. I can't continue talking before I completely break down." I say, shaking my head and walking away.
The burial was hell. Seeing people lowering the only girl I've ever fallen in love with into the ground, was equivalent to my heart being ripped out and stomped on. I've never cried so hard because honestly, saying goodbye is the hardest. Letting go never feels okay, but let me tell you, loving her was the greatest gift I've ever received. And now I can truly keep my promise, loving her until the day I die-and beyond.