Almost holding hands

Extracts from a book I'll never publish. Just paragraphs in no specific order. Always a different love story.


42. Hurting me.

I miss you and it hurts like hell I cannot tell you that.

But I miss you so fucking much and I feel like I am going to die because I don't know when or why or how but I fell so hard with you.

You got in my veins and now it seems I can't get you out of there. I don't remember how did all this started, how I fell in love with you but you're not longer here now and it makes me sick.


I am now drunk and I swear I am crying as I type this. Now tell me why? Tell me, do I deserve this?

Because I don't think I do when all I did was loving you.


I saw you at your worst and I still stayed.

You told me stuff about you and I didn't cared.

I wanted you, more than everything..I still fucking do.

I overlooked your flows and I never asked for you to change, don't you get that?

I always was too stubborn to realize you weren't good for me.

I never realized you were gonna break me, but you fucking did.

And my heart is screaming like crazy and I can't take it anymore.

I love you so fucking much and I know you replaced me but it doesn't seam to change my feelings for you.

I want you to be happy and healthy and loved and I want you to accept yourself and feel at pace with it.

I want her to love you and I want her to make you happy.

I want her to make your feel loved and wanted, because that's how it is and I can't change it.

I want you to be happy and smiling because I know you're broken than I am. And if that means she is your happiness, then I accept that too even if I am the one getting hurt so bad.

I really hope she can make you feel loved.

I hope she's everything I should have been.

I hope you care about her more than you did with me.

You know, admitting this makes me hear how my heart is howling. My heart is mad at me, it knows that this is killing me. But I truly want you to be happy and if that's what it takes, then I will sacrifice my love for you and never look back.

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