My eyes slowly fluttered open as I felt the warm rays of sunshine on my face. I peaked my right eye open at first adjusting it to the light, and then opened the other doing the same. I sat up slowly, a yawn escaping my lips. I casually rubbed my eyes, removing the eye booger.
“How did you sleep ?” Kilian’s voice filled my ears. Yesterdays incidents flooded into my memory. Mattew getting bit, we meeting the group, I shooting him in the head.I thought i wouldn’t get a single minute of sleep after that. But I managed a pretty good one.
I looked up Kilian realizing that he pulled the curtains to wake me up.
I nodded my head in answer as i slowly climbed down the bunk ladder, and off the bed. My stomach suddenly made a rumbling noise. Kilian chuckled at that. “Brush you’re teeth, I’ll get you breakfast”.
I nodded and walked out the room and on my way to the bathroom.
After brushing my teeth and hair I walked downstairs, into the kitchen. Lori, Carl and Daryl were at the supper table eating their canned food while a single untouched can of peas, sat infront of an empty chair. A spoon laid neatly beside it. “Kilian left that for you” Lori said.
I nodded lightly and sat down in the chair at the end of the table.
“how did you sleep?” She asked.
I nodded, yet again. I was never the morning person, and thus tried avoid conversations as much as possible.
I quickly finished my food and got up from the chair. I picked up the can and threw it in the dustbin while keeping the spoon in the sink, deciding to wash it later. “where’s Kili ?” I asked to no one in particular. Daryl stood up from his seat, the can in his hands. “He’s at the back of the house” he spoke up.
I nodded “Give me that” i told him as i took a hold of his can “what is he doing out there ?” i asked dumping the can.
He shrugged “building fire for some shit” he said.
I remembered the blood socked cloths that were still kept in the bathroom. I had to take care of them.
I nodded and started walking out of the room when Daryl asked “Where ya going?”
“I have some things to take care off” i said and walked out. That was the longest conversation i had in the morning after the shit hit the fan. Well, the longest without snapping or arguing.
I quickly fetched my bloodied cloths from upstairs and went at the back of the house. There was a little fire built up at the center as Daryl told me.
“What are you doing ?” I asked Kilian, who was standing infront of the fire casually.
“Gotta built fire for cooking food” he relied.
“but you always do it in the garage. The walkers don’t get attracted that way.”
Kilian simply shrugged to that. “It was Matt’s idea. I never fully agreed to that.....you know the carbon dioxide gets accumulated in the garage and could cause a possible fire”
I nodded. Even i hadn’t agreed to that, but Matt was a convincing person saying that burning the fire outside would be more dangerous.
“watch it, will you?” Kilian said and walked inside of the house. I stood infront of the fire as it thrashed and whirled around in different patters. I threw my leggings in the pit. The flames depressed for a bit but came up again, like nothing happened. The leggings started to burn, igniting the fire.
Once i was assured that the fire had settled i threw in the white t-shirt. The fire did it’s usual routine again.
I burned them for good. Even after washing the cloths they would still have stains of blood all over them. A faded yet constant reminder of the death. My emotions burned along with the piece of cloth as emptiness made its way inside me.
I looked up after I was sure that the cloth was burnt. My eyes connected with piercing blue ones. They were staring right at me. It was as if they could see right through me. All my emotions, all my feelings, all my thoughts, I felt exposed and vulnerable.
“Soul” I heard a voice call out. I broke away from my trance and spun around on my heels. I came face to face with Kilian. “It’ll take over now” he said and started poking the fire with a stick. I nodded.
“I wanna go. I wanna look for that little girl” i said. “Who knows how long she can survive on her own. Who knows if she’s already...” i didn’t finish my sentence. It could be the truth, but no one wanted to hear it. It was a little 12 year old after all.
Kilian nodded and stood up. “okay...but--” he replied.
“thanks” i cut him off before he could say anything else. I gave him a small half smile and quickly got inside the house. I fetched my axe, dagger and gun in a hurry. I grabbed the wagon keys from the coffee table and was about to walk out when Rick stopped me. “Where are you going ?”
I turned around “uhm....i’m gonna search the forest”
He nodded and said “I’ll ask Daryl to go with you”
I squinted my eyes at him. Now where did that come from “Huh?” i asked, astonished.
“It’s not safe out there. He’ll watch your back”
“I think i can watch my own back. It’ll be fine” I said confidently.
“I don’t want you or Kilian to get hurt, or maybe even killed, just because you wanted to help us. You have already done a lot for us, I won’t be able to live knowing you died because of us.” Rick said
“He’s right. You’ve never been in the forest alone before. You could get lost for all we know” Kilian said.
I cursed under my breathe, running my hand through my hair.
“Has anyone even asked him ? He could be busy you know” I tried to reason
“Not really....he’s just sitting in the back yard sharpening his knife” Killian said.
I let out a loud sigh “fine” I gave up arguing, knowing it would get us no where
“By the way, take the cherokee jeep, we are gonna look at the wagon later” Rick said, tossing the car keys to me. I kept the wagon keys on the coffee table and started walking out.
“I’ll be in the car, if he isn’t there in 3 mins I’ll leave” i said and shut the door behind me. I unlocked the car and got in it. This wasn’t exactly what i was looking forward too. Another sigh escaped my lips and i leaned into the driver’s seat.