*maddys pov* (warning-first 3 paragraphs may be triggering).
The guys were already downstairs and i was already sitting knees to my chest and crying. With my box if blades in hand.
I saw the comment on the video.
I took the sharpest blade and put it to my wrist. I made a slice, then another right beside it. I then cut out the skin in between the two cuts to make it one large deep wound. I did this 6 more times until my arm was covered in blood.
I stood up slowly and shakily. I bent down and grabbed my emergency first aid kit. I shuffled over to the toilet and put the seats down. So that i could sit on top of the toilet. I sat down and took a piece of toilet paper from the roll and took away as much fallen blood as i could. I took the gauze and wrapped it firmly around my arm to help stop the bleeding.
I then picked myself up and wiped my tears as i walked to the closet.
I knew that they would eventually leave me. Everyone, absolutely everyone always leaves me. Sooner or later Gump will.
I grabbed a long sleeve shirt and shorts. My shirt was a white pullover with Sleeping With Sirens' logo on it in black. My shorts were short, and were a navy blue. I tied my hair and walked slowly down the stairs.
I shuffled my way through the kitchen to the glass door and made my way to the pool where the guys were already swimming.
"Hey." I said sheepishly.
"Whats up?" Ashton said.
"Nothing, Ash. Don't worry." I said quietly."
"Are you coming in babe?" Michael asked.
I shook my head and sat with my legs in the water.
The boys swam over to me and stood there.
A tear fell down my cheek and i put my head down. I wiped the tear away quickly in hopes they wouldn't see.
"I uh- I'm on my period?" I stated. It was a lie so it came out like a question.
"Oh. Alright." Calum said.
I forced a lousy smile. By then i think the boys saw through me.
"Are you sure your okay, mads?" Luke asked.
"Why don't you guys play Marco Polo?" I asked trying to sound like i didn't want to die.
"Alright. I'll be it." Ash said.
He pushed my legs apart a little and hung off them. His head sideways on my lower thigh, and his hands beside my bum to keep him steady.
I smiled at him.
"I'm tired..." I said.
"Do i need to splash you to keep you awake?" Ash asked.
I shook my head.
Ashton took a step back. I knew what he was going to do but i didn't have enough will to get up. I sat there and waited. A second later a wave of cold water hit me.
I screeched out. At the cold and the searing pain on my lower left arm.
"Fuck! AAhh!" I hissed.
"What?!" Ashton yelled.
My body folded over and i couldn't take it. I began to uncontrollably sob. I laid on my side and folded my knees to my chest. Silent weeps fell from my parted lips.
Within an instant the boys were out of the pool and sitting beside me, incredibly close.
I felt a cold wet hand touch my back. I flinched. "Maddy! Whats wrong? What happend?!" Michael yelled with concern.
I shook my head as i kept sobbing.
I felt a large wet hand wipe hair out of my face. I didn't even bother to look who it was.
"Just let me die! Okay? I just want to die!" I whispered.
I could feel their eyes on me.
"I saw the comment. I know you have to do it. And you're all going to leave me okay? I get it, I know. Everyone fucking leaves me! Everyone. And i... just... want... to... die." I whispered between sobs.
I cried writing this :) bc this is how i feel :) sorry this really friggen suckz.
Thanks for bearing with my shitty writing 😌