*3 days after the little party.*
I woke up in my bed in a cold sweat. Tears stains on my cheeks. The nightmare i had was worse than any other i have had before. Well, my depression too, the voices in my head, its been back and worse then ever. Well it hasn't really been 'back' it was still there even when i was happier its just made a large re-appearance. Not even Luke could help me.
Go get your blades and it will all go away.
I bet your so called friends are just there because they pity you.
Why don't you just die? You should have in the accident anyway.
I cant take it.
There all just too much.
The worst part is, is that the voices are my parents voices. Well my Mum's voice. How am I supposed to "stay strong" and believe "its going to get better" when its your mothers voice telling you to do these things?
I got up from my bed tears running down my face. My cheeks were hot. The voices became louder, more controlling. I walked to my bathroom an locked the door behind me. Gump had just gotten home yesterday. I turned my left wrist over so the back of it was facing up. I leaned over the sink, my hands griping at the sides of the vanity, I looked into the mirror... disgusted at what i saw. I bent down and grabbed my black box which contained my blades.
I made my way to the floor, leaning my back against the vanity. I pulled my knees as close to my chest as they would go. I popped the lid off the small black box, the small pieces of metal staring back at me. I took my two sharpest blades and stuck the sides together. I touched the blades to my skin, feeling the familiar cold tingly sensation. I'm no longer in control. My hand moved in all directions, pressing hard on the blade, cresting large deep wounds all over my wrist. I placed the blades back into the box, and put the box on the side of the sink. I stood up using the vanity to support me. I stumbled, and wobbled slightly due to the amount of blood i have lost. Blood poured from my wrist. I peeled off my clothes and threw them to the floor. I stepped back and looked at myself in the mirror. I grabbed the blade again and made some gashes on my stomach and thighs. By now there is blood everywhere on me, pooling and dripping into the shower. Th blade slipped out of my hand and onto the floor making a clang.
I turned the shower on. Cool not warm, warm would hurt the cuts more i have learned from previous experience. I got in and let out a cry. I began to sob not caring if anyone heard me. I quickly washed up and got put of the shower. The blood still hasn't stopped oozing from me.
As fast as i could i cleaned up my mess and went into my room. I winced at every move i made, because it hurt so bad. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and i grabbed a black Secondhand Serenade long sleeve shirt. I threw them on wincing as the fabric plunged into my wounds. I got my cell phone and flopped onto the bed.
I need help. I cant stop the bleeding.
I un-locked my phone and created a group message to the guys.
Guys i need you asap. Please hurry. Come right up to my room Gump is sleeping and the front door is unlocked. Xo
Within seconds my bedroom window flew open and Luke came running in. He stopped in his tracks as he saw me. The blood seeping through the clothes.
"Holy shit...." He mumbled.