*warning sensitive content*
I laid on my bed crying. I looked down at myself. I hated being insecure. I hated being border line depressed all my life. I hated wanting to die. I hated me.
I looked down at my left sleeve, looking away quickly because i knew what it hid. Scars. Multiple scars. There was one im particular that I hated. The last one I ever left on my body. It was the biggest and deepest of them all. Being the most prominent scar that you could see. I looked at my stack of bracelets that were on my desk. I never left home without them. I have been clean from cutting for well today it will be my 559th day. Away from my past.
I never told anyone about my cuts. How everyday I held that blade in my hand fighting the urge. I through the blades away after a year of being clean. Ha, like that stopped the urges. I never wanted this.
I sat up. Knowing that I had to. It will make this terrible thin go away.
I went into my pencil case and found a pencil sharpener. I unscrewed the screw with my finger nail and soon enough the blade popped off. I was crying so hard, I felt like. I was going to drown in my own tears.
I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, sliding down it as I did. I lifted the sleeve of my sweater. I ran my ice cold fingers over the scars. Making sure I wanted to do this.
Before I knew it I felt the cold blade drag harshly across my skin, and blood fall to the floor. I did it again and again.
I looked down. Ashamed of what I had done.
I sobbed even harder. Taking the blade to my skin one more time pressing a little harder. Crying out in pain.
I felt myself get dizzy. I pushed my self up turning on the tap and taking a drink of the cold water. It felt nice. The cold water helped me to stop the tears. I ran my bloodied arm under the tap to try and wash away what i had just done. It didn't work.
I went to the towel and dried my arm before wrapping it in gauze. My arm burned and ached. I took a tylenol and felt it glide down my through with ease. I pulled down my sweater sleeve and ran into my room to put on the bracelets. I looked at the tylenol bottle.
I could end it. I could end it right now. Not feel anymore pain. I wouldn't suffer. I would die. Like i was supposed to in that accident with my parents. We could be together again.