I felt like i was going to drown in my own tears. I could feel two strong arms left me up and i just collapsed into them. I pressed my face into his chest and wished i could suffocate myself.
I could hear the boys footsteps behind us and one in front of us. I had no idea who was carrying me and honestly i didn't give a shit.
"I want to die." I whispered.
My body shakes every time a sob slips out.
My head began to feel light headed and I felt dizzy.
"I cut before i came downstairs." I whispered into their chest.
The person faltered a step then continued.
I felt their grip on me tighten. I Crumbled in their arms. I didn't care if i was dropped. I continued to sob.
I gripped their collar bones and shut my eyes as they were burning from the tears.
I hear a door open and close. I was then set on my bed.
I folded myself, getting as small as possible. With my knees at my chest and my face sideways on my pillow. With my eyes closed.
I continued to sob. Of both kinds of pain physical and emotional.
I felt hands grab gently at my wrists and i flinched away at the pain.
My sleeves were rolled up at the gauze was unwrapped. I squeezed my eyes tightly and slowly opened them.
At the sight of all the blood i almost passed out.
"Oh-" michael stopped himself.
"It... Hurts" i said between sobs, quietly.
"I guess so..." Luke said.
"We shoul-" ashton started.
"NO! I'm not going to the hospital okay? I'm sick of it there. I've been so many times. I'm not going." I whispered.
I saw Ashton come over and kiss my forehead before exiting the room to the washroom. Calum did the same, however he went to the stairs.
"If you died... I wouldn't be able to live." Michael said, Luke agreed.
"I cant do this anymore." I sobbed.
I rolled over and continued to cry, with the bare arm outstretched for the bandages that were coming.
I could feel Michael come up beside me. He gently put my head in his lap and stroked my hair.
"Luke? Can i have some big clothes please?" I pleaded in a whisper.
Luke nodded and headed out the window.
"I love you. I really do. But Nothing helps anymore its been so bad for so long and. I really i cant take anymore. I CANT LIVE ANYMORE!" I whisper yelled.
Micheal stroked my hair with one hand then drew doodles on my back with his finger.
"I dont want to live. I dont want to be alone."
"I wanted to do this really extravagantly. I was going to have a cute bristol board and a really nice gift for you. I was going to do this tomorrow. I don't want to go on tour, neither do the boys unless your coming with us." Michael whispered to me.
My hand found its way to his and I squeezed it. I rolled over so i was facing him a put my face in his chest. I tangled our legs together. Michael's arms wrapped tightly around me.
"They really fucking hurt." I told him.
"I know mads. They are really, really deep and long. It hurts me to know you did this and i was just downstairs. All of us were. Oh god. We could've pulled the blade from your hand and kept you from this pain." He mumbled.
"But your all here now. And in my darkest moment you've made me smile. Mikey i love you so much more then to the moon and back." I said as I continued to silently cry.
"I love you so much more then this galaxy. I just- i really hate when your so so sad like this babe and i hate not knowing how to help." He whispered.
"You're doing good. I just. I think you should sing to me..." I said.
My hand trailed over his bare abs.
I felt him take a deep breath before starting to sing hold on till may. I began to cry more which instantly made him stop.
"No these are happy tears, keep going! Please." I pleaded as i continued to cry into his chest.
As Michael was singing and i was crying Luke came back. He walked quietly over and placed grey track pants on my bed beside me. I recognized them as the same grey track pants he wore when we met. Which made me smile.
I tried not to disturb Michael and his singing as i was taking off my pants to out on the track pants.
"If you're trying not to distract me then taking your pants off is the wrong way to do it." Michael mumbled before continuing. I blushed. Tears still streaming down my face but slowing down.
Luke then put the sweatshirt beside me.
Luke joined Michael in finishing the song. Ashton and Calum came into the room and sat beside me, on the side of my arm.
They bother tended to it which made me flinch every once in a while.
I closed my eyes and opened my hand so my palm was resting flat on Michael's stomach.
"I love you guys." I said as I drifted to sleep.
I heard a chorus of "i love you too's" in response. I then went back asleep.
One more chapter then possibly an epilogue?