I woke up that morning to be alone in Luke's bed. Once Luke had came and slept with me I felt better. I opened up his window and reached over to open mine as well. And I climbed over into my bedroom.
This morning was bad. I felt like my my heart and brain were ice cubes. My brain kept telling me these thoughts of
Mom and dad aren't going to come back. None. Of these boys like you. Your hiddeous. Why would Gump even take me in?
I went into my bathroom and slid against the door. I was in hysterics and I couldn't handle these thoughts anymore. So i did what i always did.
Picked up the blade.
I held it to my wrist.
And sliced my skin.
Everything i saw was black. So i turned my wrists red. (I found this quote on Instagram so yeah)
I made about 6 gashes in my arm. All over the backside of my wrist.
I quickly striped off my clothes and got into the shower. The water instantly found its way into the fresh cuts on my wrist and it burned. A feeling I knew all too well. I washed my hair and body. I use a shampoo and conditioner that smelled like lavender and vanilla and a body wash and moisturizer that smelled like coconut. My perfume also smelled like coconut so it matched well.
I got out of the shower and put on my clothes. I threw on a pair of jean shorts that made my legs look really nice and extenuated my thigh gap, i matched it with a white t shirt with a green day logo on it. I walked over to my tall dresser and threw on all my brackets to hide what I had just done. I remembered what Luke had said. About not having to hide them all the time. So I only had on about 7 of my usual 20 bracelets. It felt good to not hide.
I texted all the guys
Guyzz you all need to come to mine. Im bored and have nothing to do 😪 Xx Maddy