Losing Fred

When her brother goes missing, Georgie sets out on a mission to find him, when she is unsuccessful, she's ready to end it all, then she meets a stranger who may just change her life forever.

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2. "Looking For Freddy"

 

When I left the tower, I left with a new found sense of determination. It probably seems really selfish to you, that I would have killed myself and not looked for Freddy, but I had looked. I'd already spent 3 months looking for him, and the weight of his absence was torturous. It was literally like losing a limb. I didn't know how to function without him. When you fall in love with someone, you get to know them, and throughout the years you learn new things about each other, and everything sort of falls into place. When you're born a twin, if you get along, that happens within the first few years and you have someone who knows all of your secrets, and knows how to think like you, it's like one soul split into two bodies. Well it was for us anyway, to be fair, I am making a huge generalization about twins, and I shouldn't because I only had us to go on, but I knew us and us is all I knew. So when "we" turned to "I" and "Us" turned to "Me" it was like half of my being was gone. So as I was saying, I left with my new found sense of determination and I was eager to make a plan. I remember thinking to myself that I was really glad I lived in London, and that there were restaurants and coffee shops that stayed open all night, because what I needed right then and there, was a hot chocolate and a cookie. I wasn't too faraway from Kings Cross station, so I decided to head for Starbucks - yes yes I know it's a major chain and a money snatching corporation but it's reliable and I'd just come down from a ledge on the top of a building so I was branching out! Anyway, I got settled on the rock hard seats and pulled my coat tighter around me as it was absolutely freezing in said Starbucks - serves me right I suppose. I got out my notepad and wrote out a plan of actions for finding Freddy. I needed to go across the whole city so I figured I'd just do it by borough. And so I did. I started the very next day in the borough furthest away from ours and I went around to every street in London. I knocked on doors, asked in shops, stopped strangers on the street, I even went into offices to ask people. Unsurprisingly, I got nowhere. I took me almost all year because assuming you've never been to London before - it's huge. You might be wondering how I managed to do all this when I should be in school, or work and that would be a fair question. Me and Fred were at College so I wasn't actually obliged to go. I dropped out not long after Freddy went missing and so I had all the time in the world. So it was almost a year after I'd made my vow and I'd visited the roof many times, too look out at the city, regain my hope and to make sure I kept to my vow. And then it was time. I woke up on the 19th May 2012 and cried. I'd almost convinced myself that I'd find him. Like I'd ask someone and they'd say "Oh yes, I know him, he works in the corner shop" and I'd go there and Freddy would be there all chipper, a laugh on his face and exclaim "what took you so long". But it hadn't worked out like that. I hadn't found Freddy, nobody had, and nobody had found a body so he was still lost. I walked around on that last day and I knew that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't search for Freddy, with every day being a major disappointment, and I couldn't live a life without Freddy in it. So I'd search that one last day and then in the evening I'd march back up those stairs, take a deep breath, take one last look at the city that I loved and fling myself off of the roof. As it happens, it didn't go quite like that at all...
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