"You're going to be a sister? OMG that's awesome!" Izzie doesn't know when to shut up; I glare at her. "What? You're going to be an older sister! That's awes-"
"No it's not!" I yell. She freezes. I feel the tears prick up in my eyes.
If Mum has a baby, I can't be with Jack. I can't be his girlfriend anymore; I can't be his future wife; I can't be the mother of his children! We're brother and sister for godsake! What's wrong with me? Why can't I see this? This is a waste of time! I'm just digging myself a hole. I'm going to get trapped in emotions for him if I keep on kissing him and letting him stand up for me in fights! I need to dump him -
"What's the matter?" Oh for fuck's sake! That's just what I need. HIm. Jack. Just when I want him gone, he's there.
He reaches out and takes my arm; I shove him away harshly.
"Go AWAY!" I yell. His face crumbles.
"GET OFF OF ME!" I turn and storm away. Izzie hesitates and then runs after me, calling my name. I whip out my phone and click onto Jack.
Me: Bye Jack. It's over.
Then I switch off my phone and lock myself in a cubicle to hide the tears.
It's over. What's that meant to mean? It's over. We're over? Does it mean we're over? That we're broken up?
I didn't even get the chance to tell her how much I love her ...
What's the matter with her? She's been fine until that Michael dude showed up ...
Oh fuck. She has feelings for him! He actually did touch her, didn't he? And she must've liked it because now she's gone!
Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck -
I pull myself onto my feet, my vision blurry with anger. I storm downstairs, step siding Dad. He gives me a surprised look.
"Jack? Where'd you think you're going? You're grounde-" I storm out of the house and towards the car. I spot Maia. She's walking back, texting away on her phone. I slide into the car; she looks up startled. I start it in reverse and drive away. Stan stands at the door, scowling.
I turn the wheel and start to drive.
To where, you might ask?
I just need to get away from the house.
From her and her stupidly perfect ways.
He's been gone for two days now. Mum is going crazy with fright; Stan's awfully calm about this situation. I can't breathe whenever I think about it, about him. I just lay on my bed and cry, and sob, and throw tantrums and text him and call him and email him and occasionally, when I felt really depressed this morning, I snuck into his room and curled up on his bed to remember the smell of his cologne. Weird, right?
I lay there now, curled into his pillow, which is damp with my tears, and hugging it to my chest like it's him. I shouldn't have said I want to break up with him; he's gone now. I should have kept him close ... Close ...
It was always going to happen though, wasn't it? A voice snarls in my head. You were always going to break up. You're brother and sister forgodsake! What would the authorities say if they found out? What would ANYBODY say if they found out? ... What would Mum say?
And your new baby sister that's on the way! You're going to be an older sister! You're going to have a blood related sister! Aren't you excited?
And Jack is also going to be an older brother! You can baby sit together! It will be just like -
My phone rings. I stare at it. It rings, and rings, and rings, and then falls silent. I watch it for a few seconds before, with a heavy hand, pull it closer to me. I peer at the screen.
Six missed calls from: Izzie mwa bff <3<3<3 xx
I push the phone away and cuddle closer into the pillow. I breathe out slowly, and eventually, fall asleep again.
I push open the window. Dad's at work and so is Lauren. Maia is at school, leaving the house abandoned. I haul the empty bag higher up onto my shoulder and pull myself into my room. For some reason the curtains have been drawn and the lights are off. I draw open the curtains once I clamber through and then look round my room. I swear quietly when I spot Maia. Asleep. On my bed.
I nearly rip the curtains in my frantic grab to shut them again when she whimpers and stirs. I hold my breath as she falls asleep again. With a pounding heart, I watch as she sighs in her sleep.
What is she doing home? Why isn't she at school? What's wrong with her? She should be at school!
But look at how cute she is ...
No. No Jack! She isn't cute! She's your sister! You aren't normally attracted to sibling! -
But look at how pretty she is ... And how fragile she seems ...
I want to stumble over and grab her and hold her to my chest until we grow old and die, but I know I can't do that. Matthew will be waiting for at me at his apartment; I said I'll be a few minutes just to grab a bag.
I'm hear to get clothes, not kisses.
Well it's not like I'm gonna get a kiss. She hates my guts ...
I start to pack silently, throwing anything I can. A few minutes later, I'm done. I start towards the window, daring myself a glance over at Maia. She's still asleep I think. I can't tell in the dark ...
I open the window and throw my leg open. I nearly have a heart attack when she sighs in her sleep.
"I'm sorry Jack ..." She mumbles into her pillow. I hesitate, watching as she hugs the pillow tighter. I can see the tears glistening on her cheeks with one of the curtains drawn back. She cried over me ...
I don't know what I'm doing as I slip over to her and kneel down. Her lips are level with mine; I want to lean forwards and kiss her, but the fright that she'll wake up as soon as our mouths connect, scares the hell out of me, so I just brush her hair out of the way and lean my head on her forehead.
"I love you Maia ..." I whisper. I stay like that for a few more seconds, before swinging my bag onto my back and disappearing out of the window.
I'm going to school now; Mum won't let me stay off just because of a little thing like this. We now know where Jack is. He's living with Matthew in Matthew's small apartment. I found this out when he left a note for mum, and when I woke up in his room a few days ago, all his clothes had disappeared. He must've came in while I was sleeping; I hope he didn't see me in his bed. I want him to think I hate him so it's easier to get over him; but it's hard. It's really hard. I wanna cry all the time; I want to hold him close and kiss him; I want to snowboard with him again ...
My Little Snowboarder ....
Class is boring as hell of course so when the door opens and Jack walks in, it suddenly becomes more interesting and I sit up straight. He stumbles in and I take him in quickly. He's got a fading bruised on his eye; he still has a slight limp, but other than that, he looks like he's doing OK ...
"Miss Green wants to see Maia." He says quietly. I stare at him and then turn my attention to Sir. He hesitates and tehn snatches the note from Jack's hand. He gives it a once over and then sighs.
"Maia," He gesture for me to go quickly; I pack up my things slowly, unwilling to be alone with Jack without wanting to kiss him ...
I step out of the room and Jack shuts the door and leads me towards Miss Green's office.
"So ..." He says slowly. "How's Lauran? Is the baby OK?" I shrug.
"It can't be called a baby yet. It's only been a month ..." (Three weeks of her not telling me and then this week when she told me Sunday!).
"Oh." He mumbles. I stay quiet before wincing.
"How's the apartment?" I mumble. He shrugs.
"Ok I guess ... I wish you would live with me though ..." My heartbeat speeds up as he stops me and takes my hands in his. He leans his forehead against mine and swallows hard. I can't breathe as I eye his lips wantingly.
"I can't. Not with Mum being pregnant. I need to look after her ..." I whisper. He smiles slightly.
"Well if you ever need a place to stay, to get away from the Baby, just swing round, yeah?" I nod.
"Thanks ..." He shrugs.
"It's OK ..." Silences ... I turn my head away from him and he leans his lips on my temple. I want to press my lips up against his; I want to grab him and hold him close, but I just sigh.
"Miss Green will be waiting for us ..." I mumble. He laughs softly and his arms wrap around my back. He buries his head into the crook of my neck; I hug him back just as tight.
"I lied ..." He mumbled. "Miss Green doesn't want to see you; I just wanted to talk ..." I laugh softly. Sounds like him ...
I hug him hard even though I know I should pull away. Eventually his lips trail to my own; he kisses me gently. I don't care what I should be doing; I step closer and deepen the kiss. His arms wrap tightly around me; he spins us into the janitor's cupboard.
The bell rings, forcing us to pull away. I stumble away, and try to catch my breath; he glares at the bell above our heads. I grab my top and start to pull it on; he grunts and tries to draw closer. I laugh and let him kiss my lips passionately. It takes all I've got not to remove my top again ...
We didn't get too far; the bell stopped us halfway through. He managed to get my top off, but not my bra. His top was laying on the floor as well; he jeans buckled. His hair is a scrawny mess from where I keep running my fingers through it; I don't think my hair is much better. His eyes are wild and sparkling like mad. He grins as his fingers crawl back up my top and start to draw circles on the small of my back. I whimper into his lips and push him away.
"Come back to the apartment with me?" He pleads. I hesitate.
"I'm grounded ..." I remind him. He shrugs.
"They can't stop you seeing your brother ..." At the mention of brother, I remember why we can't be doing this and pull back. He swears gently. "Maia -"
"No." I pull back on my school jumper and sort my uniform out blindly. I try to leave but he takes my hand and stops me, giving me puppy eyes.
"At least think on it, yeah? I'll wait ten minutes after the bell where I normally park, and if not that's fine, but I'd really like it if you can ...?" I pause and then drop his hand.
"I'll think about it." I whisper. I lean forwards and peck his cheek quickly, before turning and disappearing out of the room to find Izzie and to get her to distract me from my wandering thoughts and urges ...