“Does that make you angry?”
“No. I don’t care what they say or think; It doesn't matter to me and it won’t matter to anyone in 10 years”
“It’s just a period in life and it will pass.”
“Mhm.” He repeated in the annoyingly dead voice that all therapists seem to have. He clicked his pen and scribbled some more notes in his little book. He’s barley looked up from that thing the entire session and the hour’s nearly over.
“Do you ever cry about it?”
“No,” I breathed, leaning forward and uncrossing my legs. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“Mhm.” I was starting to get irritated and if he said ‘Mhm’ one more time, I would snap.
“What do you do about it?”
I sighed obnoxiously and leaned all the way back into the couch. I glanced at the clock as the big hand struck and his timer went off. I stood up and grabbed my before leaving without saying as much as a goodbye. My mom says I need to talk about my ‘issues’ so she set me up with a deadbeat therapist. I have an appointment with Dr. Boring once a week.
The thing is I don’t have any issues. It doesn't bother me that people talk about me and whisper about me as I walk past them in the halls. It doesn't bother me that I’m an outcast. I know it should and that you probably think I’m just lying to myself but I’m not. I don’t know how to explain it but I just haven’t ever really cared. I think that’s what made all of this start. Because I simply didn't give a shit. That must sound bad, but if you haven’t figured out; I don’t care.
My mom was waiting outside for me as I walked out of the building. I smiled at her as I climbed in to let her know that everything was alright. I knew she was just worried about me and I understand. Any normal parent would be. I never meant for her to find out. It all happened when I was out getting groceries from the little grocery store across the street for her while she tidied up around the house. I forgot I had left my Facebook page open while she got my laundry basket from my room.
All of the mean comments had been popping up all over the screen. When I got home, I found my mom reading all of them and crying. I hadn’t known what to say then and I don’t know what to say now. She’s been so careful around me since then, like she thinks I’ll break if she asks about school or friends. I try to not get annoyed with her because I know she just cares about me. I’m constantly reassuring her that I’m fine. I didn’t put up too much of a fight when she brought me in for a therapist.
I went to my room as soon as I got home. I turned my music on my speaker and cranked it up, and started dancing around my room. The truth is I’m still happy. I just don’t talk to people. I danced around and my little sister came running into my room. Audrey is only 7 and I love her to death. She climbed up on my bed so she was the same height as me and jumped around.
“Hey. Kathryn.” She said through pants, continuing to jump around. “Can. We. Go. To. The. Park.” I picked her up and spun her around, nodding. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I ran quickly up the stairs from the basement.
“Hey mom I’m taking Audrey to the park. We’ll be home for dinner.” I told my mom who was cooking away in the kitchen. She smiled at us before turning back to her work. She loved when I hung out with Audrey; she thinks it brings out best in me. Audrey doesn’t know that I don’t really have any friends or that I’m “bullied.” I’d rather her not know anyways. I zipped up her cute little pink Lulu Lemon sweater and put on my black one. We had matching black uggs and she looked adorable.
She raced me down the street to the park. I sat on the empty swing next to her as she pumped herself higher and higher. She refused to let me push her anymore as soon as she turned seven. She wanted to grow-up too fast. It was only baby steps but it was still scaring me. I never wanted to her to grow-up, lose her innocence. I never wanted her to see the horrible things that people say about her big sister. She still looked so sweet, and carefree. I smiled, as she got higher than I could even push her.
My eyes trailed over to two teenagers walking towards the park. They looked about my age, one was a gorgeous girl with obviously pretty long dirty blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail. The boy was about 4 or 5 inches taller than her and the same color of hair but his was short and quiffed up. He looked pretty buff and extremely hot. I had never seen them before but I wasn’t living any kind of life style to run up and make friends. Unfortunately that was exactly what my little sister loved to do. She lept off the slowing swing as the pair got closer, running towards them.
“Hi!” She giggled and smiled her cute little smile up at them. I groaned and stood up walking over to them.
“Hey gorgeous.” The boy said with a deep, thick English accent, smiling down at my sister.
“Come on Audrey. Mom will have dinner ready by now.” I smiled apologetically at the girl and took my sisters hand in mine.
“No worries.” She smiled back, “What’s your name love?” She asked Audrey.
“Audrey!” She smiled back. “And this is my big sis Katy.”
“Kathryn.” I corrected. They both smiled at me as Audrey tugged on my hand.
“I’m hungry.” She whined. I chuckled and lifted her up to my hip.
“And that’s why I said we are going home.” I looked at the two standing there still smiling. Suddenly I felt awkward and I shuffled my feet. “Well um, it was nice meeting you uh-“
“Hazel, and this is my brother Grayson.” Hazel told me. Those were such pretty names and I loved their accents.
“Well it was nice meeting you Hazel and Grayson. Um, bye.” I said, I was never good with talking because I mostly never talked to anyone. I turned and walked away setting Audrey down and holding her hand down the street. I could feel a pair of eyes burning into my back and I glanced behind me just as Grayson looked away and followed back down the walkway after his sister. I had a weird feeling in my stomach, and I wanted it to go away.